Hi everyone!
Im still trying to process my gender identity and it doesnt make much sense to me. Does anyone feel that the more they try to understand identity, the more it slips away?
Someone said that gender identity is like a black hole, you cant directly observe it but you know its there by the effect it has on the objects surrounding it. This is the only way Im able to say my identity is female, and a lot of times it doesnt seem to be enough.
I want a female body but never really hated my male body, my skin is soft and pale, and I have curves and I love this.
I prefer to be referred to with my female name and pronouns, and prefer that people see me as a girl and treat me as one. This is how I feel I flow best in the world, and how I fit. In terms of social presence and society, I fit best as a woman.
Sometimes I dont feel like a woman. My default has always been male, and Im used to referring to myself as a male so I can do that out of habit and it distresses me some.
All I have to go on is what I want, because how I feel is really muddy and hard to figure out internally. I wish I had the certainty of identity but I dont.
What does this all mean? Does anyone else identify with how I feel? What does it mean when all signs point to female but I cant seem to understand it on an internal level?