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Confused about someone

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I met someone at work last September. She is probably in her 50's and a widower. At the beginning we didn't really notice each other. But a few weeks later we started talking and got along well. I started to notice that she treated me differently than other colleagues. Whenever I would hand her a paper or something she would extend her hands and touch my shoulder or arm. While she didn't do this with anyone else. One time she was talking with someone and she was looking at me up and down like she was checking me out and had a very serious look in her face, I didn't understand her look. I am starting to crush on her now. I don't know if she is interested in me in that way or am I just imagining it. There is no way I am going to ask her. Now recently I heard from other colleagues that the company might not renew her contract. I was shocked and deeply disturbed because I thought she was performing so well. But they said that she has an attitude problem with one of her superiors at work and only does the bare minimum of what is asked of her. She has a friend that she is always hanging out with and they say that she is bad mouthing her behind her back. I felt like they were trying to convince me that she is not worth renewing the contract with, Yet regardless of how I feel about her, I always felt that she was competent in what she does and has so much experience in her field to be treated this way. And that the only reason she is being fired is because of her attitude with the said superior. When she was asked about her behavior, she said that her boss is very rude to her and she doesn't like that. I don't know what to believe, because with me and my friends she is very nice and accommodating.

So I talked to her boss who happens to be my friend too. And I know that she is a task master and is very demanding. She is always complaining about someone or another and has a sort of bullying personality. I tried to tell her my point of view in the matter and she cares about my opinion. But she started to try to convince me of how bad this person is and is surprised I don't' see it. What she doesn't realize is, that I gave her the same chance that I want to give this woman. I don't know how to tell her that in the beginning no one liked her too. but now she has friends who are somewhat tolerating her. I can't tell her all that because she is also my boss. But I feel it's so unfair what is happening to her... Also I feel like I will lose her forever if she does leave and I will never know what it is that was between us. I felt so happy with her friendship and she made me forget about my unrequited love and now i feel terrible. She doesn't know that I know all this about her, and I am not close enough to her to ask her. I just wanted to see your views on all of this and if I am justified in feeling this way and if she does feel the same way about me as I feel about her.

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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Advice

    You have done your best to try and convince your superiors. The rest is up to them and there isn't anything you can do for her because it doesn't have anything to do with you. What you want is to not tie your personal life with your professional one. You feel like you will lose her forever if she leaves. I wonder why that is. You say, she warmed up to you in the office so while she's still working with you, why don't try and form a friendship with her outside of the workplace? Ask her if she will join you for coffee or lunch sometime, hang out and have fun. It doesn't have to be romantic. If she says yes, then you can pursue the friendship easily even after she stops working with you and you can learn more about her, she about you, and see where things go. And if she refuses then you'll know it wasn't going to go anywhere anyways and you're better off moving on.

    Reply to Edel
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  • 25-34_f_b_h3_f3
    Comment

    Thank you for your advice Edel. As I replied above, I probably will lose her forever. I don't know who to believe, what I have seen of her. Or what her boss says about her, she made her out to be a two faced person who is very rude and can't be trusted. But you are right, I have done all that I could do and now I just have to wait and see.

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Advice

      If she has to leave then it wasn't meant to be. Cherish the time you spent with her and move on. It'll suck for a few days but then you'll be alright. Let us know what happens.

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    • 25-34_f_b_h3_f3
      Comment

      I will let you know.. I wish it would suck for a few days, but I have a feeling it would be a lot more. I mean, I probably wouldn't have pursued it if she did feel the same way, it was just her presence.. She made life a little more bearable to live, you know? Like I had something wonderful to look forward to everyday going to work.. I find myself oddly happy for no reason and the world just seems brighter and lovely with her in my life. And now I am reverting to my usual grouchy self and I feel saddened that this is how my life will be if she goes.

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  • 25-34_f_b_h3_f3
    Comment

    Hey Edel.. you asked to be updated so here it is.. She will be leaving at the end of December, she told me this today. I was very sad to hear it and it just ruined my day.

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Advice

      It sounds like it was something very sweet and I'm sorry this happened. Give it a chance, someday you'll form a meaningful connection with someone who you will be with. But for now, when I need to get over things, I always find it very helpful when I focus on myself and do things that I like and I hope you try that. It'll be ok *hug*

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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f4
    Comment

    Just let her go if she's attracted to sexually shell talke to you on the phone at night before she goes to sleep or something like that. The way you describe how she was lookin at is not complementary it's scary

    • 25-34_f_b_h3_f3
      Comment

      You think so, Mahoys? We don't talk at night. Do you think it's a sign of it being something more if we would talk at night? Thanks for your input I posted a follow up to this, so maybe you can check it out and let me know your opinion?

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    • 25-34_f_w_h3_f4
      Advice

      I did read it I think as much as you want this to be true something is wrong here. I'm not fully awar of the situation but it seems that she's not what you want her to be if she's into you she'd do things that matters things most people wouldn't give attention to like your fav color or if you like things she'd call you to talk about things goin on in her life shed check on you if you ate dinner lunch or shed remember your birthday things lovers care about..
      A lot you can tell from the way she treats you if she's romanticly into you or not.
      You seem to be a person with very few friends so I think you need to make new friends like lesbian friends and have fun withem get some action get your mind off of her for a while. Plus she's a coworker I don't think its a good idea if you hooked with a coworker

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  • 25-34_f_b_h3_f3
    Comment

    Well, you do make some valid points. I didn't write everything that goes on between us, and she is no longer a co-worker by the way. She does worry a lot about me, but I sometimes think it's because I am younger than her. And she looks out for me, I know that after several occurrences. I mostly think it's because she likes me as a friend, but there are things that she does that makes me think otherwise. Like I was talking about a male colleague once who happens to be a friend, and then she suddenly blurted that I have feelings for him in a tone that was kind of accusatory. I don't like him romantically, but the way she said it made me start to defend myself because I felt her getting upset. And that was when she became cold and wouldn't answer my texts messages. So it's things like these that makes me feel confused about her feelings towards me.

    And regarding making lesbian friends, I did have some friends who are lesbians. But I haven't come out to anyone, not even them. I am confused as to which gender I prefer as it is and I don't like to be labeled. And both of those friendships didn't end well because they wanted more from me than just being friends. I do have other friends that I hang out with. I just have very strong feelings about this particular friend that I can't shake off. I might be projecting what I am feeling on to her and imagining there's more to her feelings than just friendship. And that's why I am here basically, to know from people who are more experienced and get another persons perspective. Your input is greatly appreciated

    Reply to just_me
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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f4
    Comment

    Maybe you want something you can't have that's why you are hanging onto the lady friend. So my advice to you just keep this off your mind and move along it is what it is if there's something more it'll show in time. Try dating both sex see what you'd feel.

    Reply to Mahoys
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  • 25-34_f_b_h3_f3
    Comment

    Thanks for the advice, I'll keep that in mind. I guess I am wearing rose colored glasses and that's why I might be seeing too much in to her actions. I am just asking for a heartbreak aren't I?

    Reply to just_me
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  • 25-34_f_b_h3_f3
    Comment

    I say that because she isn't from here. If her contract isn't renewed and she doesn't find a job elsewhere, she will have to go back to her country.

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