well, where do I start? I had a really bad relationship with my father, and then i fell in love with a copy of him; an older man and he ended up raping me. I never told anyone, i even convinced myself that somehow it did not happen, and that it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I got depressed, wanted to kill myself, and then another man appeared. We were the same age, we fell in love and i thought i was happy and then enter lies and the cheating. We broke up and i was totally devastated.
The third man was a devil and he manipulated me in the ugliest ways. My point is i don't get men, i don't get their ways of thinking, their feelings, their body language: it's like i'm with different species. I loved a girl once, we just kissed but it was beautiful. I wish I could find that pure engulfing feeling again with a woman. I've always been attracted to women, i won't lie, and the female body is magical, but i'm afraid i won't be able to find that special person who can make all this absurdity which is my life, disappear.
I feel confused and lost and i need some advices, can you please help me? .