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A Gay's Life

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I'm 17 yrs old and i'm from Morocco
I'm gay and muslim
I wake up everyday knowing that my religion don't accept people like me and I must be killed beceuse of my sexuality
I always have the fear that my father, my mother or somebody around me knows about this... beacause my family prefer not having a son than having a gay son
sometimes I think that the only way to get lost of this pain is death... and i think of suicide.
i can't support living like this ... it's hell.

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  • 12-16_m_b_h3_f4
    Experience

    Hello Hamza, I am really sorry to see you are experiencing these painful feelings. I can say with certainty that a lot of us spent a considerable amount of our childhood feeling this guilt and confusion. I wanted to let you know that there are many gay Muslims, arguably millions of us, who have yet to come to terms with our sexuality and faith, but please know for sure that religion does accept you. Don't listen to what others say about this because rumors and lies have plagued this religion for centuries. It's a tactic they use to pressure and punish those who are different.

    Please do not mistake that with the religion itself, God accepts who you are, loves you, cares for you, and is protecting you. Return that love by sending back your love and trust. If the Prophet was alive today I know he would have stood by us and loved us just the same. Being gay is not an error or a mistake. It's an identity, and who we are, it's not something we can turn off or change. It's not something we can deny to ourselves.

    I'm in my 20s and I still deny it to my family though but I do it to protect them from pain and anger, so they don't have to go through what I spent my life going through in understanding myself and who I am. Don't tell your parents or family yet and try to hide any relationships you have, so that you can protect them in the same way. It's hard and uncomfortable but it's something that must be done.

    Suicide and death are never the answer. You are a young man, a beautiful person who deserves to live life to its fullest. God rewarded you with this life of adventure and love, work hard to improve it. You are not alone in these feelings, we all went through it yet most of us never gave up, now we are older and wiser, happier and in love. We are comfortable in our lives and with our sexuality. It took years but who said it was going to be easy? God rewarded me for my patience and struggles. Stood by me, loved me, and that has strengthened my faith in him, and at times I feel more at ease with my faith than some of my straight friends who forgot who God is and what God is capable of.

    Hamza your religion does not hate you. We are Muslims who happen to be gay. So what? There is no difference. There are people who call themselves Muslims who kill and judge and betray others. All we did was love. God is forgiving even to the worst of sins, he would never punish someone for loving someone else. We are not sinning. We are not harming anyone. Please do not think of death as any kind of solution, fight like we did, for a life that you deserve, and you will be happy. Good luck my good man!

    Reply to kuwaitilove
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  • 17-24_f_f_h3_f3
    Comment

    Hi Hamza,
    Sorry about the way you feel. You're too young to be considering such a thing as taking your own life instead of facing some difficulties but your young age has a role to play in that, not myself, but I'm pretty sure many gay people passed thru this phase at such an age. You're inexperienced and haven't had as many challenges in life yet and this for you may come as a shock because of course you're not ready at all to lose your family or be different but darling, you're not alone keep that in mind. Put religion aside for 1 second, think of God, if you have any faith in him at all, think if he is unfair or unjust to hate you for something you have no control over? I'm sure 99% of us would have chosen to be straight if there was a switch to turn the gayness on and off but too bad, we cant control it. God loves everyone, Hamza! You don't need to panic yet, focus on your studies and the things that matter now so in the worst case if things go bad with your family you'll have a career to finance you later. You're not obligated to tell them anything now you have lots of time till you are independent and can be on your own so use these years into trying to open their minds about homosexuality from time to time and test their reactions, it always gets easier as time goes by. When i was your age, I knew i was 100% into girls but i never let that stop me from focusing on better things at that age and i used and still use the time till I'm forced to tell my parents, to ease their minds up about homosexuality and you'd be surprised if you see their reaction to it now than from 4 years ago. Things will get better just don't worry much and enjoy this age! Also take a look on some topics here about all your concerns you'll find so many helpful inputs :-).
    Stay positive! And good luck.

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  • wwwwwwwawwww i'm soryyyyy but i now is hard because i have the same problem but you have 2 bee positiv

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  • 51-65_f_f_h1_f3
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    Hamza you're not alone and I wish you all the best.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h4_f3
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    • 17-24_f_f_h3_f3
      Comment

      GTFO

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    • 17-24_m_b_h2_f4
      Comment

      ostaz kimo.. kalam zai eli enta katbo da hwa eli wassal en wa7ed yefakar eno yanta7er.. atmana tekon sa3id beli enta bte3melo,
      "ttabi3i" my ass!! >.<

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    • 17-24_m_w_h4_f3
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    • 17-24_m_w_h4_f1
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      hey mister kimo r u normal ? so what r u doing her ? trying to help or turning to gay ! any way ! ur thinking is like society ! u dont give us any space to show our thinking ! what we believe my friends here i know some of them fear allah more than u straight ! and u r not a god to show me the right path !

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    • 35-50_f_w_h3_f4
      Advice

      Kimo who are you to judge? If you want to go and complain about something, go and complain about domestic violence, rape, sexual harassment, and child marriages. NOT love. You and your thoughts are not welcome here!

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    • 17-24_f_f_h3_f3
      Comment

      The thing is, he isn't even trying to "help" or are bit curious but he is being a typical loser straight guy and sending messages to i assume more than 1 female profile so far myself included. Such people wonder why we are gay later!

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f3
    Comment

    يشذ عن الطبيعى والمالوف
    LOOOOOOL guys he's obviously a troll, but that was brilliant!

    • 25-34_m_b_h1_f4
      Experience

      the funny thing is that he is probably far from normal, a sex addict who doesnt know love but still comes here to judge. i have a gay friend with his partner for more than 10 years and straight friends with a new girl every 2 hours. who is the dirty and abnormal one? people should leave us alone and look at themselves in the mirror.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
      Comment

      I spoke to him, he has had 24 girl friends from when he was in 5th grade, he has messed around with many women young and old, he has tried drugs but never wine 'cause you know...wine is haram.
      He also said he could refer me to a sheikh so that he can cure me and he made a bet with me that I will one day return to 'normal' , in his eyes, being straight.
      Even though I did tell him many times that I am already normal and do not need someone to tell me who I am.
      He assumed that since I am a lesbian then I must have been heartbroken (ya 3eny) and that its a phase. Even though I explained that I have had boyfriends before which I really liked, I just couldn't love them or feel like I did with my girlfriend.
      Both my parents are not religious at all, so I chose to be muslim. Being lesbian however was NOT a choice.
      I'm muslim, I'm a lesbian and I'm happy.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h4_f3
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    • 17-24_m_b_h2_f4
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      LOL!! srsly.. i think u just proved what everyone was hinting at... and i guess if a girl needs 'help' and doesnt want to accept her homosexuality, this site would be the last place to come to for that, dont u think so?

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    • Kimo, you are pathetic beyond belief and frankly I think you are the one in need of desperate help. At least we're not hypocrite like you and we don't lead a double life doing "this" because its "okay" but not doing "that" because its "haram!". Get real, if you think you can help anyone here then you're mistaken as I can see you're the messed up one so help yourself first at least. Oh also if you wanna babble in Arabic, there's a section for that.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h4_f3
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  • 17-24_m_w_h2_f3
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    hi hamza well we are the same lol and i used to feel like that but i'm i'm changing i'm 19 and i am gay since i am 8 or 9 years old but at first you need to accept yourself,before people will and need to accept you,also you should be powerful ; #I'm*with*hamza# never think to die or to suicide;tthey will accept us in the end .

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  • 17-24_m_w_h2_f3
    Comment

    also we are normal like other peoples

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