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A shade of a shattered memory

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So , basically , since i was 4 i felt something is wrong with me ... weird , awkward sense that actually makes no sense at all ...

only one person on this planet knows this but , well ...
I was like 7 , almost 8 as i remember , and he was 20 , he used to work for my dad
and so i used to visit dad at work , While dad didnt pay much attention to me
that freak was trying to get me .... laid . i dunno.... he never actually -Fucked- me but everything else lol , i really wanna know where was this guts when i was 7 ...
it was like an infection , everywhere i went , i found someone flirting with me
Simply as an example , School , i was at the 3rd grade , i`ve no idea how it happened
me and him .. touching and .... blahhhh - you dont need to know the details-
Deep inside , i felt such guilt ... so i tried to hold myself and never try to act this like again.
Then , when i got to the 7th grade , somehow , i dont know how either
i knew like 11 gay guys in school at my age , so we made up a group
its main cause was to learn from each other and control our desires
i had the leadership of this group until 9th grade , i noticed , gradually my group has changed into a sex addicts` group , not to heal from it but to increase it ...OMG.. i was
i was wrong ,,, my trails went to the bottom and therefore i stepped away from the leadership and broke up the group , They made their own group ( as expected)
and they kept trying to pull me in , alot actually , some of them tried to flirt with me sexually , i didnt give them any kind of attention , on and on they tried , so i gathered them and told them all to piss off me because i`m not like them ...
Well , so they made up a rumor at school that i was gay . How funny noone believed it
OFC! because i dont act like those freaks....ew , however , i`m at the 11th grade now , they`re still hunting me and i`m still kicking them off

one of them was wot i used to call , a soul mate , but turned out to be a guy who can fuck anything , and i mean ANYTHING!. just like the rest of them and vice versa

umm....well , this was the First of my shares here , hope if you can help , give an advice , or in any kind of ways , dont hesitate , we all need each other to live , to survive throughout this blinded world.
In the end , i`d like to say " If we cant make a change , then shall the change make ourselves? no , we were born as free minds and we will live , breath , and pass with a mind that lives to love and loves living , for each other and with each other , we will make it out together "

¬Quite Thankful for all of you people¬
LGBT.

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  • 25-34_m_w_h1_f4
    Comment

    wow you were really young with your first experience. but at the age of 7 did you consent to what he did and ur sure its not sexual harrassment or anything?

    were you gay before and you knew at this young age or did you feel you were gay because u enjoyed this experience?

    very curious about this & thx for sharing your story :)

    Reply to 6a3miya
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    Experience

    no apparently i didnt enjoy it , i didnt understand it , ummm and well i always felt something was wrong with me ,,

    Reply to Macca
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