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I'm Muslim and I don't want to have sex till i get married, but the country i live in doesn't recognize same sex marriage

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Hey everyone, I live in the middle east and I'm gay, I came out to myself before 3 months as a gay guy and it really feels good to know that someday I will be with the one who I love. Anyway, I'm actually Muslim and I dont believe that Islam forbid homosexuality, I really can't understand how come Lot men were homosexuals and at the same times they were emerging their society ? how come they kept having kids if their men were gays ? it doesn't make sense, I think Lot men were heterosexuals but they practice adultery with same-sex for extra fun seek, I think this is why called their practice by "extravagant", the problem is I'm Muslim and in Islam sex before marriage is forbidden so I want to get married to a guy who I love and admire and then have sex with him. How can I have sex with my boyfriend without being worry about sinning ?

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    Anonymous
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    Dearest, there are lots of way to express sexuality, love, and affection without having sex. There are no standards for sexuality, it is very personal thing that you develop as you grow older, and you have to do what is right for you! The truth, however, is that you may live in a country where your relationship with another man - even if he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with - is not recognized legally. If this becomes the case, find a way that you and your partner can commit to one another, in your own way, and then start building your life with that person from there... A piece of paper does not define marriage, the love between people does.

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  • Will your parents or your family ever approve of you marrying your boyfriend? And do they know that you are gay? If so how do they feel about it?

    Reply to kuwaitilove
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    Experience

    To answer your question, this is not unheard of. Take Edo period Japan or ancient Greece: in both instances you see examples of a society of customary homosexuality where men would have a heterosexual marriage by which they would sire children (for several purposes, such as increasing the military strength of one's clan and the social importance of bearing heirs) but, at the same time, they would have other males as romantic/sexual partners. The logic that because children continued to be born that there was not such a culture of homosexuality is not sound when one considers the historical examples to the contrary.

    Furthermore, as for homosexuality in Islam, while there is very little explicit mention of homosexuality, unless I am much mistaken it does stipulate strict standards of marriage and defines specifically whom one can marry, particularly men and women, and does not permit lustful behavior or sex outside of a strict set of doctrines. This is, of course, regarding the Qur'an alone, and not the various Hadith or rulings of mujtahid on the matter.

    For the question how can you have sex with your boyfriend without worrying about sinning? The question which you must ask yourself is if you are willing to accept it if the teachings of Islam consider it a sin. I do not mean to be accusatory or pointed in my remarks, only to offer a frank confrontation of the situation: if you believe, sincerely, that homosexual sex is not a sin within Islam, then you obviously have nothing to worry about: God knows what is in your heart, if you are sincere in your belief and your belief is based on a sound understanding of His commandment, then the error of others in believing otherwise is none of your concern, quite the contrary you should pray for them to be guided and forgiven.

    But if there is a chance at all that you are not certain, if there is doubt and worry in your heart on the matter, then there is no use burying it: you should investigate it and see if the roots of doubt are grounded in social pressure and superstition, or if the doubts arise from faults in your conclusion, from emotions and desires influencing rational and just investigation of reality. Whichever way you choose, you should face the harsh reality and observe the truth in its entirety with no hesitation or reservations.

    Reply to Peter
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  • 12-16_f_w_h2_f1
    Experience

    Well you don't see it as sinning, so try this: marriage is in your heart, not on a peice of paper. I'm in the U.S and here gay marriage isn't legal yet(only in some parts), so what same-sexed couples do is have a ceremony. Some kind of ceremony, it's like a wedding, minus the minister, and their marriage is official. the governmenr wont recognize it, but friends family and you(and your partner) will. the marriage will be in your heart, Allah will see the effort you're making to do things right, and then take that next step with your partner. Hope I helped!

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    Anonymous
    Advice

    In islam the people of Lut were curse for having same sex practices and were told to marry women the fact they refused, had lead to them becoming ones that do not have religion and were all removed from the Earth, so if you really feel you cannot marry a woman then I am sorry but you cannot be a Muslim, even Luts wife that supported them just staying with guys was cursed because she should have said to marry girls. Even biologically your body parts and a womans body part are compatible. There is nothing wrong with your feelings but you should try to not marry or go for a woman anyway because that is the right thing to do. But to want to marry a man and have sex means you are not Muslim again im very sorry

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      I'm not going to justify anything here, you have your beliefs and I have mine, but I do have one thing to say. You are in no position to claim who is or is not a Muslim or a member of any other faith, for that matter.

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    • 17-24_f_b_h1_f3
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      I will flag and I encourage others if they feel threatened to flag all posts that call out other Muslims on their faith or say that they're not Muslim. We GET it, we hear it all the friggen time, from the time we are little, and deal with that pressure of the status quo thinking we are sinful every day. This is a safe space for LGBTQ arabs including Muslim arabs. Don't tell us the same bull that we'd hear if we went to talk to our Imam. We're not talking to him for a reason.

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    Anonymous
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    Assalaam aleikoum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh Blueness and others,

    I agree on the matter that we are all muslims, no matter the mistakes you have made in the past. I disagree on the matter of homosexual acts. There is a difference between having homosexual feelings and committing homosexual acts. There is no doubt about it in Islam, it is haram. It is one issue to be Muslim and a homosexual, and another to try to justify this choice by Allah's (The Exalted) book, the Quran, and the word's of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace).The first point to make clear is that as Muslims, we accept Allah (The Exalted) and His Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) as the authority and final word on what is right and wrong. This is in important point to be grasped. Otherwise, there is little use in discussing the issue. This is exactly where the people who try to justify homosexuality, and other practices and beliefs, from the Quran go wrong. The point of this post is to make clear the position of Islam on homosexuality so that there will be no doubts about it.

    Now concerning the evidence, we follow the methodology laid out by the Muslim scholars. In general, that is to see what the Quran says about an issue, then the Hadith, and then the consensus of the scholars, and the analogy can be made. The evidence concerning the unlawfulness of homosexuality is as follows:

    SODOMY AND LESBIANISM

    In more than one place in the Holy Koran, Allah recounts to us the story of Lot's people, and how He destroyed them for their wicked practice. There is consensus among both Muslims and the followers of all other religions that sodomy is an enormity. It is even viler and uglier than adultery.

    Allah Most High says: "Do you approach the males of humanity, leaving the wives that Allah has created for you? But you are a people who transgress" Koran (26:165-66)

    (1) The Prophet (saws) said: (1) "Kill the one who sodomizes and the one who lets if be done to him." (Tirmidhi, a sahih (authentic) hadith)

    (2) "May Allah curse him who does that Lot's people did." (Ibn Hibban, sahih (authentic))

    (3) "Lesbianism by women is adultery between them." (Tabarani, sahih)"

    Taken from the Reliance of the Traveller, transltaed by Nuh Ha Mim Keller, p 664-665.

    There are a lot more Hadiths on the issue, and the issue of what is to be done with one who commits sodomy or lesbianism. All I wanted to do was to show that the position of Islam on this issue is that it is an enormity (kaba'ir), and therefore, forbidden, (haram). May Allah (The Exalted) protect us.

    • 17-24_f_b_h1_f3
      Comment

      Also I think it's really funny that the ones who feel the need to condemn queer Muslims are the ones doing it anonymously while the queer Muslims are the ones who at least have a screen name that takes accountability for their views.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
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      Exactly! But really, what are they afraid of?

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  • 17-24_f_b_h1_f3
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    As a response to the actual question.. and my apologies for maybe over reacting in response to other posts here.

    Queer Muslims are some of the most creative and spiritually driven people I have met. There are alternatives, you just have to admit to yourself that you will never match up to society's expectations, and instead focus on the much more important task of matching up to God's expectations.
    Personally, I can't imagine telling someone they shouldn't have sex with their partner. It's a very important part of a relationship, and the Prophet himself had a lot to say about a healthy sex life.
    For those wishing to stick with the Islamic guidline of no premarital sex, well then, get married.
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-12486003

    That BBC article talks about British gay Muslims who performed their own nikah in order to satisfy the requirements of their faith. It can happen. God is pretty great, we say that a lot for a reason.

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      I agree completely with what you've said. When it comes to homosexuality and faith, homophobes start seeing religion in black and white. There is a lot of grey and people are just too scared to even acknowledge it.

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    I think that discussion of whether or not homosexuality is haraam within Islam is a perfectly valid subject of discussion...IF it is relevant to a question the OP has asked, as it is in this case. I would not consider it appropriate to the "safe environment" policy of AHWAA otherwise, and certainly don't advocate obnoxiously beating others over the head with one's own religious beliefs in a topic where they are requesting support and guidance on a very personal and sensitive subject.

    I have been pleased with this site thusfar that such has not been the case, and folks have generally been very respectful of each other.

    Reply to Peter
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  • 12-16_m_b_h4_f3
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    if you still believe in islam or any RELIGION THEN MY QUESTION TO YOU MY BROTHER ,JUST LOGICALLY SPEAKING I WAS A MUSLIM :
    Can someone clarify this for me?
    So.. Adam and Eve where the first people god created... yeah?
    Soo.. then.. for them to create more people.. They had sex and made babies...
    Thhhhen.. for them to create even MORE people. Adam And Eves Sons And Daughters, would have to have incestual sex?
    SO IF THEY REALLY KNEW GOD ,THEY FUCK THEIR CHILDREN

    LOL

    WAKE UP

    • 12-16_f_b_h1_f2
      Advice

      You have your beliefs and others have theirs. There is no need to be disrespectful. You can state your point without being so :)

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  • 12-16_m_b_h4_f3
    Comment

    AND YOU SAY YOU WANNA HAVE SEX AFTER MARRAIGE ,NOW DEFINE MARRAIGE WITH NO LOVE
    ITS A PEICE OF PAPER
    LOVE IS MORE VALUABE THAN A PEICE OF PAPER

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    I also agree ,its only a piece of paper which is not worth the paper it is written on given to you by a guy that is doing his job ,who is he to say you have the right or wrong to spend the rest of your life together and its legal .Take an older gay guys view and do not get married as you think now you are madly in love and there will be no other BUT times change and so do people ,Live together. love together ,but do not make problems with buying everything in one go, little by little is best and see how it goes from there ,remember its not just living together and sex there are other things like BILLS to be paid .clothes to buy ,food to buy,rent to pay. electricity. But also stay well and have a happy gay life as I have had , No one changed my ways I was born gay ,god put me on this earth gay and if he did that then its ok with me no matter what it says in the books ,how many times have they been changed over the thousand of years,

    Reply to brownhood
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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Experience

    if u wanna stay with him , you will , no matter if your relation is in the name of " marriage " or if it isn't !

    and remember that straight relations have an incredibly amount of divorced couples , even they have that holly paper called " contract of marriage " .. !

    cheers

    Reply to ana0insan
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  • 17-24_m_w_h1_f3
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    Dear Blueness! I know you had enough of talks about your question! But I'm not going to say a word about Islam, or Koran! I will tell only 3 words "Follow Your Heart" - Follow your heart my friend. I am Muslim! Islam says that god blow into us from his soul نفخ فى أجسادنا من روحه So trust me, When you do good, you will feel good, when you do bad, you will do bad! Pray your salat, get marry, and Enjoy loving your boyfriend! I Love You, God Loves You! & (((Follow Your Heart))) God gave you that heart, so it knows better than an Imam or Shiekh, it knows better than the Koran, or anything else! :)) Good Luck!

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
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    I don't know any gay couples but I do know a lesbian couple who have been "married" for 2 years now, they wear rings and told all their gay/lesbian friends about it I know you want to do what is "right" but what other choice do u have??

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  • 17-24_m_b_h3_f3
    Comment

    Yes I agree with GUCian, marriage if followed the truest sense, it means being able to tell other ppl I am going with so and so...also it refers to commitment. While u dnt have any opportunity like that in middle east the "piece of paper" idea would help definitely of both you and your partner agree to remain committed. However if you have the opportunity, go for it.
    Remember marriage isnt only for reproducing babies. there are many straight couples with no ability to reproduce bit they arent cut out or not instructed to be married in Islam. Signing papers may not be as important but definitely having the true intention to remain committed is.

    Reply to SadisBad
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  • Well all I believe is in god but I do also believe that the Love is greatest of all religion. Its what makes this world better place to live in. And I also believe, god being a creater will never want his children to suffer!! If we can love animal, plants, mountain, beach, food and then why cannot we love a human, love is love be it same sex or different.

    Love is my religion!! And I do focus on being a better human, do something good for someone each day rather then something else.

    Life is beautiful only if we believe

    Reply to frozen-soul
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  • i think u are a very smart guy for not wanting to have sex before marriage because islam forbids it . i think maybe if that's ur case , and ur country doesn't recognize same sex marriages as no arab country ( i think ) currently does . u can express ur love in so many ways other than sex , i personally think that u can have intimate love making without anal sex . i dont really believe in anal sex .

    Reply to PurplenBlack
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  • The problem is that it's not this one thing, Islam is full contradictions and moral repugnance in my opinion. That's why I avoid associating myself with it or the similar (the Abrahamic religions in general).
    But, No matter how you argue there is actual text (few, because god can't waste some few pages on us)in Quran and Hadith forbidding same-sex relations (not just sex. LOVE: any form of it), and there is definitely no mention of gay marriage in an Islamic context.
    You wanna try convincing Muslims otherwise, be my guest, but Islam is formulated in a way that resists adjustment or flexibility. Meaning: it's gonna be very hard. Look how long it took (some) Christians to finally do it.
    My two cents are: who cares? If you love someone, why do you have to prove it to anyone? Don't get me wrong I'm all for gay marriage, but not as a formulaic tradition, but as a symbol of equality.

    • 17-24_m_w_h3_f3
      Comment

      I agree with everything you said. I love everyone here and I hope their suffering ends but this way it never will. They're trying to convince muslims that being gay is ok? as you said, be my guest. There is no way they will, if they look around at the problems muslims cant and wont solve like women rights, freedom of speech or belief etc. they'll understand how far we are from muslims accepting homosexuality. I respect everyone's beliefs but if you are gay and you're a muslim, then I feel sorry for you.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f3
    Comment

    DId you know that a male's g-spot is just inside his rectum? Can you explain why would a man's g-spot be in his rectum? Stop embarrassing yourself. And not you or anyone is in a position to tell someone if they can be a muslim or not, just fu** off and go back to reading your bedtime stories. Fu**ing idiot.

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  • 17-24_m_b_h2_f4
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    ^I love ur directed anger.. can i be ur fan?

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f3
    Comment

    But seriously what are they doing here if they're going to spew their hateful bullsh**? The whole point of this website is to offer help and support, its not a place for bigots pretending that they know the truth lol (I'm being subtle here to not offend anyone)

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  • 17-24_m_b_h2_f4
    Comment

    wait! are u srsly asking an arab to respect the rules?? not to mention personal freedom and show tolerance for ppl who r different??
    i guess he's a shrink who's trying to get a reputation by using the "I cure homosexuality" fad (everyone's doing it).. they kinda left the "I can cure Atheism" title to riham sa3id.. it's a booming business now i guess!!

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f3
    Comment

    I'm so glad it's booming though, thank you riham sa3id?

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  • 17-24_m_b_h2_f4
    Comment

    well yea im grateful she exists.. get some popcorn and some drinks, pops ssbaya el 5er on tv and u got urself a weekend!!

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f3
    Comment

    LOOOOL not exactly

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