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Trying to move forward~!

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Okay ,so here is the summary of the story . i started to experience same gender attraction at a young age like 8 years or something. and at age 14 puberty age , i began to fall in love with one of my childhood friends.it was pure love ,loved everything in him and this went on for like 7 years(till age 21) of non stoppable loving him.

I came out to myself so late in age 19(took me so long). so at this age and before it by some months i realized that this is going to a dead end ,as i knew he was straight and since i didn't came out to anyone it was so hard for me to at least tell him about myself. so i kept in this -one way love- for a long time .when i be with him i make myself (unconsciousness) very vulnerable. i even fantasized about him everyday.

so jumping to more recent events, i tried to move on. Kept myself away from him with any means. and a kinda miracle help happened:" he asked me on chat that am i gay or not? ". i sensed he was going to ask this sooner or later because am wide open on my facebook account. So i came out to him telling him my story bla bla bla as he wondered *the usual questions that one asks you when you tell him/her* .

For all these years i was so afraid that he doesn't accept me for who i truly am as like other childhood friends did . But for the surprise he did accept me in a great way :"said that he has no right in telling me what i should be ,its who i am .but he wished i wasn't gay. and he consider me as more than a friend ,brother more" well close enough :D . and he didn't criticize any action i did after this incident.

So now i am free from this one way relation ,i am in the no love to feel time. just living my life as normal. and what it seems that i didn't get rid of this love towards him completely T_T .so any advice to overcome this??

P.s:i like one college friend but as usual he is straight >_< always fall for straight guys .troublesome . sorry if i talked so much ,just wanted to show you the whole image. Thanks.

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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Advice

    He was your first love and it went on for such a long time and through a time where you were working on coming to terms with your sexuality and he is also a very close friend of yours, so of course it means a lot and is special to you. You were able to move on from him after you came out to him because you truly understood your situation and knew for sure that nothing was going to happen and that part deep inside that always hopes was washed away when he told you that he took you as a brother. Fact remains though that he was your first love and it's OK if you haven't gotten over it entirely, because you never really do get over your first loves. You just move on and that's what you've done.

    For now, focus on yourself and have fun! Love yourself and make yourself your first priority. It's OK if you still have some feelings for him. But don't let that come in the way of your chance at a real relationship where you will be loved just as much in return. Don't settle for anything less than that, because you're worth a lot more. Do your thing, live your life the best way you can, have fun, find new activities and make new friends-- there's so much to do! Someday, you'll find the one for you and you'll look back and see that while your friend meant so much to you, it just doesn't compare to the real thing. And your journey till that point was worth it all.

    Reply to Edel
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