I am listening now to Christina Aguilera's Beautiful looking for a rejuvination of self-empowerment and self-esteem. But of no avail. The tune fades away and back to the hollow low of self-esteem. I am afraid of myself, of the world, of everything. I am alone. My homosexuality is killing me. I am dronwing in the downright spiral of dumb loneliness, of low self-esteem, low self-assurance, low self-confidence till I step into the complete state of lowness - death of my soul. I am not happy. I am not content. Sick of bearing the heavy burden of my homosexuality and its conundrum. I fell in love once in my life and it was over. and Ever since I am whirling finding the right man. Am I to blame? whose to blame? ppe around you fool you and I am sick of playing the hetero to please pple, society and God. Death is the ultimate solution. I am desperate. I hate myself, is that a divinbe punishment? wanna cry my tears out. guys, I am dying.