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Falling head over heels

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Hey All,

I am have always been interested in girls and boys since I was a teen. I didn't acknowledge it in the beginning. But I accept it in my self now. I have fallen for guys before, but with women I feel it's deeper emotionally. So I was recently divorced from my ex-husband. I went into work to support my self. I was really heartbroken and wanted nothing to do with love.
A few weeks later I meet this girl and our eyes met and I felt this connection with her that felt strange. Usually with women, I first get to know someone and then I realize that I like them. So it was never from first sight like it is with men. But this time it was different, I was definitely interested in her and was thinking about her more often than not. But I felt my feelings were under control and I purposely stayed away from her because it was not something I wanted to pursue. I would like to add that I have never actually been in a relationship with another female. It was mostly one sided crushes.
So anyway, It was all under control for me, until she started being around me. I would see her where ever I went. It started to annoy me at some point and I would ignore her because as I said it was not something I wanted to pursue. that lasted for around two months. And then suddenly she just disappeared. I didn't see her around anymore. When I did she would smile, but then that was it. I know she must have gotten the hint. But then I started feeling sad. I realized that I missed her. I would have this panicky feeling that I had to see her. So I would go looking for her. I just realized that I wanted her in my life. Even if it's as a shadow, haha :p I love her with all my heart, and think about her all the time. I have tried talking to her when she was around me all the time, but I felt like she wasn't interested in talking to me. Which annoyed more at the time, because I didn't know what she wanted just staring like that :s

And then I hear from a friend that she was in love with another man, whom didn't love her back. And that floored me. I didn't understand what was her behavior about with me. Was she just playing? did she realize I was interested and wanted to test me for her own ego? what was it?

My friend told her that I knew of her relationship with that guy and she started crying saying how she respected me and wished she (my friend) hadn't told me about it. So I don't get it.. What does she feel for me? My friend (which happens to be the guys friend) keeps mentioning how her guy friend and I are similar in temperament. And she used to mention that a lot.
I felt very disappointing and kind of hated her for playing with me that way.. I was fine when I first met her. I was interested but I didn't love her. Now i just don't know what to think of her anymore.. am I loving the image of her in my mind? after all I don't really know her personally. I just don't want to see her anymore, I get these horrible feeling of wanting to hug her and strangle her at the same time. :p I do still love her though. She is free to love whom she chooses, I have to respect that. I just have to deal with the wreckage in my own way.. I can't wait to get over her though :)

Thanks for reading my rant.. I really needed to get that out of my system :).

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  • 17-24_f_f_h3_f3
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    Can you really love someone you dont really know like can you? can you really :p ? Think about it, you seem like a grown up person and you should know better you had a crush thats all and big one :p but obviously this person is no good for you for sure you know better but from your own words I just could tell that she is bad news. You had just walked out of a long term relationship (your marriage) and you needed to fill some emotional emptiness I guess that's all and now that you see its a bit complicated I'd suggest you just move on move on move on XD

    Reply to Delusions
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  • 25-34_f_b_h3_f3
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    Thanks for your response Delusions.. When I think about it now. and gathering from what our mutual friend has told me.. that for her it was just that she was interested in me as a person. I just wish I knew how to make my self stop from feeling this way.

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  • 35-50_m_f_h2_f2
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  • 25-34_f_b_h3_f3
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    Thanks dr_mido_dr :)

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  • 35-50_f_w_h3_f2
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  • 25-34_m_w_h1_f4
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    I hope things improved and you feel better

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  • 25-34_f_w_h1_f3
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    Have you considered that maybe it’s just a crush ? IV been in the same situation but not the exact same though and it was just a crush, after a while I completely forgotten about the person. In your case I think this woman likes getting your intention maybe it pleases her and maybe because she simply likes getting attention, in all cases don’t overthink about it and give it some time, it’ll all become clearer after a while

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