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Straight, possibly in denial?

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I am angry all the time.

I think it is cuz I have feelings for some men that I met.

I don't know if its only flirting but with one man it is becoming a serious matter.

This is a problem for me as I am engaged to a lady but we didnt fall in love she was forced on me by my father. I did it for my independence. If it was a choice, I do not want to be gay cuz its going to be harmful for my reputation & my families. I am denying maybe cuz I can't accept the truth, or maybe to protect myself.

How does a person even know if they are gay or they are just "exploring"?

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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Advice

    When I came out to a friend, I was still somewhat in denial. She asked me a few questions, which helped. She asked about my past experiences with girls, specifically if my attraction to them was physical or just emotional. For me it was both. I guess that is what it is in the end; physical and emotional attraction to the same sex.

    Being gay is not a choice. If you are gay, then you are. But living life as a homosexual, that's different. This is not the right time to be engaged. I agree with Samir. It's going to be unfair to you and your fiance. You need to do what is best for yourself and not let your family pressure you into committing to a relationship you don't want. You can give in now, but that commitment will go on a lot longer. I know it's not easy, not in this culture, and I can relate but think of what you could be missing out on.

    Reply to Edel
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  • 17-24_m_b_h4_f4
    Experience

    I know what you are saying guys and I agree but not as easy for me to do cuz Im not ready to choose. Better to wait to figure out what I want then to have regrets.

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Advice

      I would advice you to try and stall the wedding till you do, though. And it'll be fine, you'll get there eventually. Best of luck.

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  • Default-avatar
    Advice

    My father was/is homosexual, but he married my mother anyway despite this. My mother is now having to deal with divorce and starting over trying to find a career and support her self after twenty five years as a housewife.

    I am not advocating living a homosexual lifestyle, quite the contrary. On the other hand denial of the situation is not beneficial to anyone: if there is concern as to the nature of your sexuality, then you should address it and soon, and you should talk about it with your fiancee.

    What's more, you should not marry her based on passing pressure from a family member, among other reasons it is incredibly unfair to her. You should only marry a woman whom you are willing to spend the rest of your life with, to join your lives as one, for better or worse. If your present sexual inclinations preclude that possibility, then you are unfit to marry her at this time.

    Now as for the choice vs. decision, I think that it's ludicrous for people to think that people wake up one day and decide they want to be homosexual, and that it is just some moral failing on their part that has caused this. The reality is that human sexuality is a weird ever-changing condition, affected by all manner of things from one's genetic and epigenetic makeup to their social, environmental, and even potentially dietary conditions.

    What's more, technically speaking almost all humans are bisexual in that they are capable of responding sexually to either gender. While the most common place for this to land by far is well within towards the heterosexual spectrum, absolutes in either direction are extremely rare, to the point where they practically constitute a compulsive neurotic inhibition.

    Obviously not all of the directions human sexuality can go or can be expressed are acceptable morally by any means. There are people with fetishes that are potentially malicious in their expression, such as predatory pedophilia, sadism, or rape fetishes. There are others that are unhealthy in nature, such as coprophelia, masochism, or fetishes that revolve around degradation. Some people have sexual tendencies that only allow for satisfaction under certain circumstances, where the specific conditions of their paraphilia are met. There are dozens upon dozens of these categories, and while I have my own beliefs on the matter, you will need to decide for yourself based on your own fair and just reflection and research if you consider this an acceptable impulse to base your life around indulging.

    This is not to equate homosexuality morally with any of these in particular, of course, but to give a frame of reference for understanding the nature of sexual expression and impulses.

    • Default-avatar
      Anonymous
      Comment

      What a joy to find smeonoe else who thinks this way.

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  • 17-24_f_b_h1_f2
    Advice

    mazin you'll just find yourself more in more into these situations where your attracted to guys n maybe a particular guy..you'll make excuses and say in denial but in the end deep inside you know it its just a matter of time so don't rush things up,take your time to decide and make up your mind.

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