Lately, I've been getting so restless. Sometimes I just want to throw caution to the wind and come out to everyone, but then I realize that I have just too much to lose and this is not the time or place.
If I came out now, especially to my parents, my time here would be made needlessly difficult and I now have a second person in my life to think about as well. It sucks now because I have so much responsibility on my shoulders and I know, I know, that things would smooth out after a very tough period, but then I can't be sure of that, not while I'm living here.
I think at some point I will stop hiding and relax about whoever finds out. But it won't be happening now... Only after I'm out of here.
I don't care about others, people who are acquaintances or even friends. It's the close and really good friends and my immediate family that matter and how my relationship with all of them will suffer. It bothered me when I had to pretend that I had broken up with my boyfriend when it was my girlfriend I broke up with (we're back again :D) and it bothers me when I start sounding like a man-hating feminist when I try to explain why I don't want to marry in my 20s and instead work for a career. That second one bothers me a lot because that's not who I am but it sounds so when I'm trying to hide the truth and at times like these I just want to throw away all the bullshit and say, "Actually, I'm a lesbian, I like women and that's why I don't want to be with a man."
I understand that if I'm to make things work, I need to bear this and be patient and just stop caring about it, really.