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That need to come out.

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Lately, I've been getting so restless. Sometimes I just want to throw caution to the wind and come out to everyone, but then I realize that I have just too much to lose and this is not the time or place.

If I came out now, especially to my parents, my time here would be made needlessly difficult and I now have a second person in my life to think about as well. It sucks now because I have so much responsibility on my shoulders and I know, I know, that things would smooth out after a very tough period, but then I can't be sure of that, not while I'm living here.

I think at some point I will stop hiding and relax about whoever finds out. But it won't be happening now... Only after I'm out of here.

I don't care about others, people who are acquaintances or even friends. It's the close and really good friends and my immediate family that matter and how my relationship with all of them will suffer. It bothered me when I had to pretend that I had broken up with my boyfriend when it was my girlfriend I broke up with (we're back again :D) and it bothers me when I start sounding like a man-hating feminist when I try to explain why I don't want to marry in my 20s and instead work for a career. That second one bothers me a lot because that's not who I am but it sounds so when I'm trying to hide the truth and at times like these I just want to throw away all the bullshit and say, "Actually, I'm a lesbian, I like women and that's why I don't want to be with a man."

I understand that if I'm to make things work, I need to bear this and be patient and just stop caring about it, really.

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  • Default-avatar
    Anonymous
    Advice

    You don't necessarily have to leave to be relaxed about whether or not people find out... it depends on who finds out. Parents? Employers? Colleagues? Cousins?

    You will have to deal with all, especially family, regardless of where you're based... it's something we all have to face and the best thing is just to keep it simple by not mentioning much about your personal life and whenever you feel bad, just confide in your closest friends about your relationship.

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      When I say relax, I mean that I'm out by choice and ready to deal with whatever comes my way and I don't have to worry about being outed because that would be common knowledge about me.

      And of course, my sexuality is not anyone's business but then hopefully, if pressed upon, one day I'll be able to casually reply with, for example, "I'm gay and this is my partner" instead of lying about it.

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    • Default-avatar
      Anonymous
      Comment

      Oh I see, that would be relaxing indeed :) It's comforting when those closest to us know and accept our gayness.

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  • Default-avatar
    Anonymous
    Advice

    Exactly! If you can't do anything about it, don't worry about it.

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  • 25-34_f_w_h1_f2
    Experience

    Look, I believe that coming out has been imposed on arabs to some extent, i think you should look at things from all perspectives, from what i read i can sense that parents are really important to you and this is the case for most of us queers, is it really worth damaging your relationships ? i go through this delima every day and what do i do ? i just say, my parents mean the whole world to me, and i know they're homophobes but i love them, and i'd never do anything to hurt them, i'd rather be hurt myself.

    I couldnt give two shits about other people. but my parents. my world. i wouldnt want to disappoint whoever carried me around for 9 months no matter how i feel

    Reply to Dee
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