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What do we want?

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Well, my depression through everything has led me to this.
Do not blame me. =)

We don't satisfy ourselves, we hide too much, we try running from truth and facts.

We depress ourselves over crushes, and when they become the love of our lives, sometimes it fades, and then there's no spark.

We beg for people to love, to enjoy the company of, while we have OTHERS begging for us to be friendly with them, and we just dont feel that we connect, and we still try to please others so we could feel happy.

We beg for a life change, we don't even try to get.

We depress ourselves over every single thing obviously, and avoid all the small things that make us happy.

We push ourselves to feel something for someone, to avoid our loneliness.

We fantasize about being with the right one so much, then when we find someone, we just eventually think "it's the one" - but it doesn't feel like it.
We tell ourselves this lie to be like.. "I'm 'happy'"

So what do we really want?

As for me, I'd like to answer.. I have no IDEA what I want, I honestly don't know what I want, anything.. I'm so confused =) .

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  • 17-24_m_w_h2_f3
    Comment

    What do we want? That's actually a common dilemma people have over the century even starting from the creation. It is something profound and something of an important matter for us human to get through our life.

    First of all it is something that you ought to ask yourself… How will I direct my life, minute by minute or daily or directly forward to the future. And then judge yourself on daily tasks, not the mundane work but livelihood challenges and for that you need to become independent. Why do I want? I want to be myself, govern by own rule and live on my own choice for that I chose to be me. I’m unique and yes… I developed some personality type A…and yes I am depressed. But depression is either push you to become better or to be worst is actually up for you.
    When I’m sad, I put on a smile. Sick, smile. Angry; smile, disappointed; smile. I don’t like to lie to myself but I rationalize and psyche up myself to be better and stronger.

    Prioritize yourlife.

    “Depression is like happy hour”- Spotlight

    “Humans have a knack of choosing precisely the things that are worst for them” – JK Rowling

    “Ignorance is bliss”

    “Regrets collect like old friends. Here to relive your darkest moment; I can see no way, I can see no way. All of the ghouls comes out to play and every demon wants his pound of flesh, but I like to KEEP something to MYSELF, I LIKE TO KEEP MY ISSUES DRAWN, it’s always darkest before the dawn.
    Shake it off, and it is hard to dance with the devil on your back so shake him off”- Florence and the Machine.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    i know what i want...i wanna be treated like everyone else......i wanna be happy.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h2_f3
    Comment

    I want to see the radiant lights of the world
    I want to give a smile to every boy and girl
    I want to look into the sky and see my dreams floating by
    I want to comfort innocent people who feel the need to cry
    I want to sail my ship to the heavens up above
    I want to hear the angels sing sweet songs of love
    I want to know I'm always safe in God's powerful embrace
    And that he'll always be there to wipe the teardrop on my face
    I want to know that every child has love to keep them warm
    And that a beautiful rainbow will always follow a horrible storm
    I want to feel the crisp air blowing through the trees
    I want to climb the highest mountain and sail the Seven Seas
    I want to be a role model, a good daughter, and good friend
    I want to make a difference when a heart is in need to mend
    I want to lie under the stars and see a miracle appear
    I want to live one single day without a trace of fear
    If there is a secret garden, I want to find the key
    But most of all I want to be the best person I can be...

    sorry if there's a spelling mistakes... i'm doing the best i can to make it rhyme.. but...eh..

    Live your life just no by living, but cherish it.. and don't do your best only DO THE BEST OF SOMEBODY BETTER

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    T.T i think imma cry lol

    • 17-24_m_w_h2_f3
      Comment

      why oh no don't cry.. (FYI i don't have facial tissue, so can you use this toilet roll instead.. it is super absorbent!)

      that poem that i just typed is just a fact that the world is our oyster so why trouble ourself to think what should we do... Just DO it like Nike said,,,

      "Life is meaningless with words, but actions provide answers, prayers strengthens the goal, and hope give you the future"- Pope

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    • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
      Comment

      i do use toilet rolls cause i am out of facial tissues too! , weird thing to mention!

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
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    That was beautiful, I'm not having a perfect day so I couldn't read all of it. ^

    but, tomorrow will be better, and I'll read word by word.

    I'm glad someone out there knows what he wants.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    :) you do to..you just gotta look deep into your heart

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    I don't, trust me - tried and tried.

    • 17-24_m_w_h2_f3
      Comment

      well you just read the poem and replied.. meaning your brain know what to do but your body don't.. this is what we science geek would call mind body disconnection. suffice to say, your brain know what to do but your heart hesitate to relay it to you. Meditating helps to connect it together.. try to sit in your own room turn down the lighting a bit and breathe in through your nose and exhale through your mouth and play some instrumental music in the back ground. it helps

      or starts to plan your day.. Like me i have this palm planner being a multitasker that i am i always talk to myself reminding me i should do this and that... like now i am typing to you while trying to finish the 4th part of my new novel.. so yeah.. planning and meditating will help you to set your goal...

      happy meditating and planning!

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    you have to know what you want............you can't just stay like that without any purpose in your life..........

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    Ofc I live so I can be a traveler, and a singer and an artist, but that's not what bothers me the most in my life and makes me feel empty. Definitely not.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    you will find somebody to fill the emptiness i am sure of it.

    • Default-avatar
      Anonymous
      Comment

      Agreed with this. I know you will. It's a matter of time. It was always a matter of time for all of us.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h2_f3
    Experience

    if that make you feel empty let me tell you about me..

    i started school when i was 3, my primary school when i was 4 years old. for 1 year i was being inserted into this special education class because at that time that particular school don't have a special program for people like me. i suffered a year sitting beside; mute people, blind, retarded, down syndrome and schizophrenic.. and it was hell. by 12 i moved out from my own parents and stayed in a boarding school where i was bullied and such. by 17 moved to new york with my father while taking 2 diploma at the same time. fall in love and got partnership under the states law... oh i forgot when i was 14 i tried to commit suicide when i heard my mom got diagnosed by an incurable kidney disease which apparently genetic and i have it too..

    need i go on? My psychiatrist told me i'm too young to become an adult. and i am moving too fast. but i love living like this because if i stop now i will realised that i'm not normal, and no one can understand me that well. i got dumped and i got stood up and i got spit even because i'm me. so rather realising that apart of me are missing i keep on living like this.. until he comes along and tell me to slow down. until then i will live on my life doing things i want and out of ordinary

    Prophet Muhamad once said: Islam came to you in an extra ordinary way, and shall return back the same way, so prosper to those who are extraordinary.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
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    Well, trust me if 'bullying' is what's gona keep me going on about feeling empty, then you should knwo.

    I was bullied since I was 4, which means 12 years now, I tried to commit ssuicide for about 10 times, I was on anti depressants, and more and more, and I dont need to go on, but the point is - I just dunno what I want honestly, it makes no sense anymore, like I'm living with no purpose, I know I wanna follow my art and my dreams and all, but I... hope it fulfils my life that much.

    Reply to kutakilu
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  • why are you doing such things to yourself?! you had major setbacks in life sure...but your are not the only one..and believe me no matter how much you think your life is hard..there are others who are worst......i mean look at you now.....you are a doctor........ from the way i see it....all of this shit that happened to you didn't break you...it made you who you are.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    habibi don't make it a big deal... just go with the flow! do what u feel like doin! & then at some point u will just find what u were searching for.... just take it easy & don't think much! just have fun

    • 17-24_m_w_h2_f3
      Comment

      Not all people can simply turn off their nuggets dear. some of us are born with hyperactive brain, those who have OCD, or personality type A or AB or A+ or B+ and those who are perfectionist, and or having the god complex or messiah complex or hero complex, always and always will be thinking too much.

      what we all can say is, just go with the flow.. and time will heals everything.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    You can't not think too much.

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  • Default-avatar
    Anonymous
    Advice

    So sorry you had to go through this. It is common for us at some point in our lives to feel as if we are living life purposelessly. Things do make more sense if we follow through with our commitments and fight to improve our own experiences and struggles. I suggest you find something you are most truly passionate about and use it as your escape from the things that make you feel down.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h2_f3
    Comment

    Tried to or already done it. My first was i had to do a surgery to remove a bezoar out of my belly, my second i was comatose for a week and my third attempts i was going into fatal shock. I didn't just try, i succeeded but was interfere by people coming in or saw me at the time. after all that particular ordeal, under the advisement of a doctor and court power, i had to go to a mental asylum. Anti depression pills done. Shock therapy? Done. Hypnotism done.

    but after all this, when i realized that the fact i hurt others more than i hurt myself i came clean and start anew. it wasn't easy there were days when i was feeling blue but i manage to get around it by keeping myself empowered through life risks and something new.

    you may be bullied early in life, and i was bullied later, but my experience involve, shit, urine, molestation, blackmail and threats.

    that's why i am like this.

    better maybe more stronger.

    living it self is a purpose. being born itself is a purpose. eating is a purpose. i don't find it all in single setting but i found it all collectively as i move forward my day and see a result forms.

    live and let live.. because there are more to life then taking things to satisfy you. the more you give the more you get, though it may be not today or tomorrow but trust me it does happens so patience is always important to find a meaning in life.

    Adieu

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