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Is it the end?

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Hello, First of all, I am new here, and I recently found this site, and I really think you guys can help. I am losing my mind, I cannot come out to anyone! My family is one of those conservative families that condemn homosexuality, yet they are so westernized and liberal. I have spent the last 10 years trying to hide who I am, and it's killing me. Some of my family members asked me why haven't I been into a (a "normal" heterosexual) relationship, and I always give them neutral answers: "Now is not the time" "I am not seeking a hook-up" "Cannot find the right one"....etc. So far I have had mere crushes, nothing serious, and now I feel like I need some "romance" in my life. Don't I deserve someone to love me, care for me and keep an eye on me? I am a mess now and don't know what to do, and coming out is not an option AT ALL!

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  • 12-16_f_b_h1_f2
    Advice

    Certified Closet Gay here. You can be in a relationship, you can have romance and you don't have to come out for it, you just have to be really careful about it. If it seems really impossible then start working on moving away to a different city/country. Of course you deserve all that and more, and you can have it too. A lot of us here are closeted and have been in relationships, it's entirely possible to do so without coming out to your family. If you really want to come out then you have to be ready for rejection and any worst case scenarios you can think of. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst, you know what I'm saying? Your private life is yours and no one has to know about it. It's difficult hiding the homosexual aspect of your life, I understand that, but then it's not all of who you are. Work towards bettering your life, try and be happy, and you will find someone who will care for you.

    • The problem is that even if I want dating, I don't know where to start, as I mentioned above I simply cannot come out, then how am I gonna be in a relationship? And I always think that even if I like someone, he may end up being some sort of an informer who works for the government :S I am always insecure about that, and apparently have trust issues, but the problem is that if someone found out about me, it's gonna be a mess....

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    • 12-16_f_b_h1_f2
      Advice

      I don't know where to start either but strangely enough the internet seems like the place to. Your family doesn't have to know that your friend is your boy friend. We introduce our partners as our friend to our families and keep the hand-holding and all for when we're alone. The whole informer thing is one of my fears as well, but you can follow your gut and take your time knowing the person beforehand. It will be a mess and if it ever comes to that you'll find that you can actually deal with it. It really seems like you feel trapped. If that's so, like I said before, work on making a distance between yourself and your family, a distance of a geographical kind. Work on moving away and starting a life where you won't have to hide and no relatives to hide from. It's what I'm doing too.

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    It gets beter, u can msg me sometime if u wana talk, night night. (;

    Reply to kutakilu
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  • 25-34_m_w_h1_f4
    Experience

    you can be in a relationship with others who didn't come out. i felt the same way for a long time. how can i find somebody if nobody knows im gay? then i found others who were gay and some of these friendships developed into sthg more. its good youre being cautious just be careful who you come out to but if there is some guy you know for sure is gay you can also confide in him after you see how sincere and trustworthy he is. after several months being friends with such a person you can easily tell him more and he will also introduce you to others in the community & so on.

    it will be lonely for some time but its temporary only. believe me when i say weve all been there.

    Reply to 6a3miya
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