hi... i'm 16 years old , i live in Yemen .. and i'm gay , i'm also an atheist .. i don't think these are the most important aspects of me or that they should label me , but they're the ones i want to talk about here .. since i feel so badly that i need to talk about it, it's just so hard to keep it all inside you.
it's really devastating actually .. i can't say that i'm not living well as i'm living with a well financially secured happy family.. but it really hurts that you have to be someone you're not most of the time .. and to think that people who love you might not feel the same anymore if they knew you more .. i often feel trapped , feel that i'm someone else.. sometimes i have to wake up in a Friday morning to go praying which i don't want or feel neither a use or need for just to seek my family satisfaction as if my "afterlife" their business , to hear some sick guy whose all his life purpose is to make us feel contempt toward different people which i often find my self innerly feeling that i'm that "different person" .. i go to school and we have to study and involuntary be convinced that God just massacred a whole tripe just because they were gay .. that people who don't hold our same religious believes and ideas are just BAD! even if they do good stuff ... and that's not rhetorical it really happened about a weak ago .. the Islamic class teacher told us that a good deed is only good and acceptable if it came by a believer, and not just a believer a Muslim one .. while all non-Muslims good stuff they do are just a waste of time considering it's just a matter of a trading business for them -according to him!- .. while it made me feel a bit content that a student did actually stand and objected , as i felt more devastated that most of the class were just so submissive and agreeing with such an idea , and the saddest part is that even i didn't have the courage to stand and make my disagreeing opinion, not just there , lots of times i found my disagreement just a repressed inner rebel that cant really come out.
it makes me feel so depressed to think how i'm wasting my teen years which are supposed to be the happiest of my life on being a miserable hypocrite who spend half his time indulging his sociopath thoughts.. i really want to move , i did apply for a high-school scholarship , it just probably wont work.
we also moved out this year -just to a different house- so i had to change school, and i haven't yet got to know or make friends in my new school and neighborhood yet , i honestly been feeling so lonely lately .. i really don't feel so "fit-it" living with the people i see and meat everyday , sometimes i even question myself "am i just a social loser who tries to blame it on others?" ..
i just don't know what to do .. i'm depressed and i'm not even sure i know why.... Ciao!