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Thoughts...struggle of a gay..

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I so feel like writing..n i know i might del it soon..but wanna get it out..am nt young but my feelings n my body r virgin..or so i feel..since long time i knew am diff..since i saw a naked guy i knew i liked that thing though i didnt know it..this body this ..before knowing wt a top or bottom is i was that later...always when seen a movie for a man n woman .. sexual scene.. visualized my body in her place..argued..resisted n never wanted to admit it..always accompanied with shame..weakness..was never abt sex though it is for anyone around..so i feel so lost....n here i am..struggling to accept the life am living..the ppl around me..feeling so disconnected n cnt find that comfort zone..even loneliness which used to b..is incomplete. .it is just a struggle being a gay! It is!
I never wanted to b gay n i tried..losing the battle or so it seems. .

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