This is my first time in a gay community, let alone an Arab one, so bear with me please!
Thought I’d start up by talking a bit about myself:
I’m a gay Saudi guy who finally became at peace with himself after a long struggle between himself and “God”. Ever since I can remember, I knew I was never into girls. With my semi-religious upbringings, I never knew what to make of my “feelings”. I always thought it was a phase and it will go away when I grow up, lo and behold, it didn’t. I started resenting myself. I thought of myself as a filthy sinner, just for the thought of being with another man. The idea of family outside of the traditional one wasn’t even something I would think possible. I always wanted a family of my own, a traditional one, ironically. I kept telling myself that I will eventually settle down with a wife and have my own kids. I started thinking that way around a very young age, when most teenage boys my age just wanna fuck something. Nope, not me. What kind of kid at the age of 15 thinks of having family and kids? Love wasn’t even an option for me thanks to our outdated traditions of not having much interaction with your future bride-to-be “Yeah love will come eventually in marriage.”
Maybe I thought that if I got married that would somehow “fix” me.
It’s hard to love someone else when you can’t love yourself. That might be why I never “fell” for anyone before as a teenager. Being indoctrinated from a young age that the act between two men is a grave sin certainly didn’t help. Alongside the hundred small things that certainly made many young boys and girls lives a living hell. For example, music, the medicine to the soul, is seen as a sin that could have you rot in eternal hell...but I digress.
Now, I’m finally at peace. I have done some soul searching and found out what works for me. The thought of me reaching out to ANYONE about me being gay never crossed my mind, until I found a friend whom I can trust with my secret, but that’s a story for another time.
At the age of 23, I finally accepted myself and that what I am is not a disease. It took me some time but I think I’m finally ready to reach out to my fellow LGBT brothers and sisters. We’re in this together, after all. I don’t wanna be closeted forever. I want to make friends who have similar experiences. I want to hear their stories and share my own. I want to get out of my shell, even if just for a little while. I’m hoping, for me, this is the right community to start doing that. Looking forward to being a member of this community.
And remember, you’re NOT alone!
I hope I was comprehensive in my writing, I’m not used to writing personal stories.
I would really appreciate a simple explanation of the site as it seemed a bit confusing at first (I can’t see dates written on discussions so I don’t know if I want to write in a post that might be 5 years old). Any help is welcome. Thank you!