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Hello everyone,
I know my query might not be clear, it's only because my thoughts are not coherent. So, bear with me. I'm going to be 21 this month and I still live in the closet (which wouldn't be an issue if I have anyone I'm open too) I'm not getting any younger and I'm feeling alienated from my family, friends(if I can call them that) and the future seems so bleak, Im just wondering how can someone maintain hope? It's becoming unbearable and Im feeling lonely, I mean I literally have no one whom I trust enough nor loves me. I'm thankful for online communities but most of them are acquaintances online, that's it...So, I'd appreciate a piece of advice, how can one be hopeful and sane :(? Sorry for the rants! .

  • 12-16_f_b_h1_f2

    I've noticed how we feel so old when we are still so young. You're not old, you're still 21 and I'm bringing up the age issue because you have to remind yourself that you're still young and have a life ahead of you. Your friends are still your friends, even if they'd leave if they found out you're gay. That said, you never know when you'd find a friend who'd be ok with homosexuality, or even be so themselves. You have time to change your life, to live in a place where it'll be easier to be you so even if this time right now is lonely, you don't know what life has in store for you. Just work on making it better and it will be fine. Tomorrow won't necessarily be like today.

    Reply to Huma
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  • i guess i know the feeling :( , the issue of relativity is brought up here because of the problems you're facing . having such a huge secret and feeling it's weight on your shoulders everyday may make you feel like you've lived a hundred years when you're only twenty one :/ i wont try to sugar coat the situation . if you'e absolutely sure that u can trust no one then the truth is the only one you can trust is yourself ..well, for now at least , you never know what the future holds and a ray of light comes when through the darkness when you least expect it so , just try to stay strong and keep searching for you place in the world like the rest of us and hopefully we will all find where we belong someday and , stop feeling so old when we have our whole lives ahead of us :)

    Reply to adhamyasser
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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2

    I understand what you mean, I remember keeping this to myself for the longest time as well until recently. I'm 21 now. But try to focus on doing what you love, being the best you can be, and maintain a close relationship with friends - through time, you'll come across great experiences. Trust me! Example: you'd have known a friend of yours too well by then and eventually be comfortable enough to share your secrets with.

    Even though you might feel old right now and that you're running out of time perhaps (I get that too), know that it's just in your head because in reality, we have tons of time left! So don't worry or overthink about all this so much, really.

    Reply to Awktopus
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  • This is very natural and in fact healthy to go through something like this. The best thing to do is be ambitious and remember that there's a lot to look forward to in life. You are so young and your life is just beginning now. At that age we all have these feelings of uncertainty and loneliness. Surround yourself with positive energy and a positive attitude and things will improve gradually. You will notice it and it will feel really liberating. I went through it and I imagine so did many people here. At one point or another it will change. It won't magically happen in a day but a year from now I imagine that your life will be more fulfilling and adventurous. Hope comes from passion and passion comes from being positive about the things and people you love. Each day is a day closer to fulfilling these needs and feelings.

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  • " can one be hopeful and sane"

    Heh - you know, it's not just us, I think I'm forgetting some letters...maybe I'll just use "queer" instead...wait, what was my point?

    Oh yeah: It's not just queers who feel lonely, alienated and without hope...many, many, MANY straight people do the same (for example, members of my family). What helped me when I was younger, and had similar feelings, was knowing that (hear comes the cliche:) it DOES get better. Not all at once (well, not usually), and not as fast as you would like, but nothing stays exactly the same example: your age.
    Now, I'm 28 (I'll be 29 next month...don't worry, I don't expect you to by me a present), and I remember when I was 21, how other, older people would tell me things like -

    Them *with the best of intentions*: "Oh, I remember being your age, and feeling that way...don't worry, it all gets better."

    Me: *smiles* "...thanks" (internal monologue: "You don't know ME and my STRUGGLES, so don't pretend you can possibly understand what I am going through!!! You just don't get it, and I Am All Alone In This World").

    ...and yes, I am still a liiiiiitle bit dramatic, even today.

    But! This part is really, really REALLY annoying...are you ready? probably won't like it (because I certainly didn't like it when I realised)....

    They. Were. Right. It did get better. Like, a million times better.

    That doesn't mean my life is now perfect, or that I don't still feel despair (just ask my flatmates - last week I was not a happy person)....but I don't feel alone :)

    "So how did you do it?" Good question. Well, part of it wasn't me at all - it was just life doing what it has always done: change around me. But the rest I did myself...let's see:

    * I came out to my family (disclaimer: I'm actually from New Zealand, and the situation there is sooooo different than it is here in the Gulf, where I currently for me, compared to most people here, my coming out was "easy". But also OMFG soooo stressful).
    * I came out to the people in my community (most of them responded with "....we KNOOOOOW!")
    * I started being 'me', with everyone (again, in New Zealand this is much easier to do)

    But, here's the thing: 'me' has changed too, and the guy I was at 21 is very different to the person I am now. I have now lived in four different countries, and along the way met people who I've really, truely connected with (I'm not talking about romantic partneres, either). These people have changed my life in such profound ways, and yet I didn't meet them until I was 24 years old. And 25. And 27. And 28. When I was 21, I had no idea I would even meet such cool people, but I have now, and that is what matters.

    Heh...maybe, if you are still reading this, you may well be thinking "well I'm happy for you, but you DO realise that I can't just come out to the people in my supermarket and move across the world like you, right?". Yeah, I know :/

    But, what you can do, what you do have the power to do, is be in control of the way you see the world, and how the world sees you (not total control, because no one has that). You can make peace with the fact that your life suuuuuuuuucks right now and you are not sure when that will change, but the important part is that it WILL change. And until it does, you will keep your eyes open for anything you can do to make that change happen quicker. You can, as Kuwaitilove said, find your passion and pour your energy into that. When others see your passion, your conviction, even if they don't like it, they will have to respect it, and those people who see it and understand passion will see you with new eyes.

    Like attracts like. If you are positive, you will bring positivity into your life.


    Reply to Archipelago
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  • 17-24_f_w_h1_f2

    Thank you Awktopus, kuwaitilove, Huma, adhmaysser and Archipelago! I appreciate your help, I really do Oh and Happy Birthday Archipelago :D I do hope that this shall pass, it's just every now and then you feel that life is passing you by and you feel isolated and deserted among your peers *offline that is*. Specially that I think Saudi is hopeless, so you tend to focus on this topic that you're filtering other things in my life :/ Anyway, I'll try my best, all of your replies made me ecstatic and gay ;)

    • I've been to Saudi several times and I agree, it's really one of the most depressing places I've ever visited but it has so much potential and a lively youthful spirit that will revive the country and change it around for the better. There are a lot of wonderful people in Saudi and you know what? Many of them probably feel the same way you do. Everything you dream of achieving is a matter of time away. Stay gay and hopeful :)

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