I remember reading a comment in one of the topics here where they said that we can choose our new friends but it's the old ones we've known since school/childhood that are difficult to maintain or let go. The girl I'm crushing over right now is a very old and good friend.
Ever since I've been out to myself I've thought back to my past and recognized feelings that I couldn't recognize before. This particular friend is out of the country (Thank God) but she came over for a visit and seeing her after just talking to her online after such a long time... I realized that I had a bit of a crush on her and looking back I have probably had one for a long time. Just didn't know.
Before we'd talk every now and then but now we talk every day, and we email each other every day, there are nicknames involved, sweet talking, a bit of flirting (from my side. Oh c'mon! I'm a girl, I can't help it) and the latest development was my heart doing flips and going all warm and fuzzy over things she'd say. Like, she emails another girl but she doesn't email her daily, that's only for me because she loves talking to me. Just so you all know, I *highly* suspect she's gay.
The problem here, as the title states, is that she's a homophobe. We started talking about homosexuals (a topic I've avoided with her ever since she said that she doesn't have a problem with gays, as long as they stay away from her) and she said that it's a choice. That just because others don't understand gays does not negate that being gay is a choice. That saying 'I'm gay because I was born this way' is the oldest trick in the book. Then I was accused of being defensive, which I suppose I was so I backtracked and told her that crimes against people because of their sexuality pisses me off and people need to stop thinking that way. I did say that homosexuality isn't a choice. But living as a homosexual is. And then ducked out of the conversation.
I wish dearly that she was different. That she didn't think this way, even if it had nothing to do with being with me, and just not be so close-minded. I can't distance myself because she's such an old friend and I don't have it in me to be cruel so don't know what to do. I stop myself from any day dreams that involve her and I'm very realistic about the whole situation. But every now and then, a little bump in the heart throws me off.
Have you fallen for a homophobe or heard someone else's similar story? How can one deal with it? .