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Recent argument with my family

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Well hi there again!!!
Assalamu Alykum wa rahamtullah!

i had a recent argument with my family members that deeply hurt me. I never really intended to come out to them but i eventually did and I wish i hadn't....they dnt hate me but the continuous disagreement really gives a lot of pain.

How can I explain them that I have no method to reverse to change me and I have no idea how this happened. I continuously doubt myself and it gives a lot of pain.

I really cannot live like this anymore and I wish i hadn't said anything to my parents but It simply came out.. honesty my parents tend to thing I enjoy this but boy oh boy if they only knew! their perseverance. I wish I hadnt not understood who i was.

And i dnt how much longer this will continue.

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
    Experience

    I'm so sorry you're going through this, adibbla! I can't entirely relate to your situation but I know how it feels when your parents find out about something you really don't want them to know about, ever.

    Generally, when these things happen, I'd give my piece of mind at first but then keep quiet about it hoping they'd ignore the incident (because we both know parents don't forget but like pretending things didn't happen). I'd try to figure out my feelings on my own rather than have my family bash me with their opinions. This might not be the best way to go about it but I'm the kind of person that tends to avoid any type of conflict. Also, it stops the hurtful comments.

    • 17-24_m_b_h3_f3
      Comment

      I do that too.......and i agve them the right to throw me out if they dnt like me...i hope that dosnt happen...will make it even harder :'(

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f3
    Experience

    adibbla I know exactly what you're going through, I also came out to my mum without thinking and she still thinks I'm sick and I need to be treated but I just ignore the subject. She doesnt hate me (thankfully she's not that homophobic), I think we got closer than before but she still thinks my "condition" is bad for me.

    I think what you should do is just keep quite about it, give them some space, like 2 weeks or so. DONT bring it up, and try to avoid it as much as you can, after all there's nothing you can say that could change their mind. I dont know how homophobic your family is which you'll know in the next few days or maybe weeks, but thats the best thing to do right now; if they're not very homophobic they'll forget about it, if they are then you should be ready for the consequences, I'm sorry. :(

    Can you tell us more about yourself? did you come out to anyone else? Do you have any gay friends? etc.

    • 17-24_m_b_h3_f3
      Comment

      I do have friends....and my family aint that homophobic. They kieep on thinking that being gay is a sin and told me not to tell anyone but sadly I did.....its k ramyahmed, that soo much frou your kind response. I think I will be alright in sha Allah.

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  • Default-avatar
    Comment

    May I ask how these conflicts come about? Do they randomly come up to you and say "hey have you stopped being gay yet? No? ...how about now?"

    Reply to Peter
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  • 17-24_m_b_h3_f3
    Comment

    no they dnt do that, it comes when the story of Lot come in at times...its really not brought up like that

    Reply to SadisBad
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    I'm asking, like, how do these conversations start? Do they just start spouting off about Lot in the middle of dinner? How do these arguments come about?

    Reply to Peter
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  • 17-24_m_b_h3_f3
    Comment

    Well in the recent one we were talking about something religious, then it moved to the story of Lot, and he bengali translation just made them feel as if I was meant to be with women..........man i dont get it sometimes, it hurts me thinking why is this and why do I feel this..........recelty( and EXTREmeLY sadly by imaginations went to incestry, and it makes me wanna cry and every other women that makes me wanna obsess over them that hurts me physically..................my past( not really proud of) exprriences with guys was nevr hurtful,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it was sooooo easy

    Reply to SadisBad
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  • 17-24_f_b_h1_f3
    Comment

    Oh adibbla, I'm so sorry. I know exactly what you're going through, I also told my family something I really regretted afterwards. I guess I thought they would either be accepting (small hope!) or be so furious they'd just let me go and I'd be able to do as I liked. The opposite happened, they clung on closer and now I'm struggling to get back some of the same privacy that I had before. A good thing is that in my experience, Arab families get the gold medal in "forgetting". Maybe that's an option for you? Like Awktopus said, maybe with time they'll stop pestering you and they'll just pretend you never said anything. It's still a really hard way of dealing with your family but it brings a little bit more peace.
    Love and blessings, good luck.

    Reply to arabsest
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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Advice

    How are things now? I would advise you to have a very open conversation with the parent you're close to. But broach the subject slowly and be patient. Start educating them on what it is to be homosexual. So even if they don't agree with you, they will learn to tolerate you. Like with my sister, in the beginning she was against it but then I spoke openly with her about it. I would bring up the subject every few days because I didn't want her to take the easy way out and forget, and I feared the less I brought it up, over time it would become even more difficult to talk about it. She eventually told me that it would take her time to accept, and she did. Your parents love you and you say they're not that homophobic, so hopefully they can learn to tolerate you, and even accept.

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