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Coming out to yourself

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Inspired by Momo's comment in this topic: http://ahwaa.org/topics/4

I wanted to start another topic about coming out to yourself.

Some people are aware of this from an early age and some people battle with it even at the age of 80. Some people are sure while others remain confused. What is your experience?

To share my experience, I was in denial for a long time because I was not ready for this challenge. This was a personal struggle that I was not geared up for and I did not want to bring shame to my family, or to stand out from my friends and my society. I wanted to be normal. It was only after I fell in love that I came out to myself and took a chance with that person. It defined who I was and I no longer felt compelled to continue the denial. Kuwait has a nice and supportive gay community that helped me with this.

I was tired of not living my life merely to satisfy others. It was time to live mine even if my life was meant to be difficult. It doesn't have to be difficult however because if you seek the support from the right places, you will find it. There are millions who will relate to you and talking to them helps you put aside the fears and embrace the challenges ahead with an open mind.

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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Experience

    I used to tell myself that I hadn't met the right man. That my attraction to women was not me being a lesbian just a passing -- fancy? I don't know. I just rationalized my behaviour and feelings.

    It took coming out to a friend to fully accept myself. Accept that I am gay and I should probably stop pretending that the reason I didn't find guys cute was because there weren't many cute guys around and that when I admired girls, it wasn't just because of their clothes. See what I did there?

    I'm glad I came out to myself (I like the phrase). It cleared up so many of my doubts and questions. Now my life has finally taken some direction. Self-acceptance is really an amazing feat.

    Reply to Edel
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  • 25-34_m_w_h4_f4
    Experience

    It was hard admitting this to myself but it had always been pretty obvious to me. I accepted who I am but I didn't accept the position I was in. Coming out to yourself where we are is admitting that we will live a very challenging life and will be judged by everyone, starting first by our own families and friends.

    Reply to Samir82
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  • Default-avatar
    Comment

    it's pretty sad, but I always doubted myself. Saying it was a phase. Interestingly I only came out to myself when I tried to commit suicide. I'm so happy I never went ahead with that, because coming out to myself is the best thing I ever did. And even when life is tough, I know I was strong enough to be honest with myself

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  • Default-avatar
    Comment

    part of me understands what i am more than i did before...but the other part is torn between this and religion

    • I understand and I occasionally feel that way too, but we can't deny who we are at the end of the day. I don't think God would want to deny us a life of honesty, love and tolerance. Don't feel torn about this. You have to accept who you are before expecting anyone else to. There is no shame or harm in being who you are.

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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Comment

    I'm so glad that you didn't go through with it. Sometimes being honest with oneself is really difficult- actually, come to think of it, it's always difficult. I'm also glad that you accepted yourself for who you are for you are the most important person in your life.

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  • 12-16_m_b_h3_f4
    Experience

    That is true. But if you come out to yourself, it doesn't mean you have to come out to others. It just means you have to know, accept and love who you are as a person. I've kept this a secret from my whole family, it's not in their interest to know. Staying in the closet doesn't mean we are ashamed of ourselves, it just means we are scared, and we have a right to be. Look at our societies. They treat us like dirty dogs!

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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Comment

    I agree with kuwaitilove. In this society and culture, staying in the closet falls under self-preservation.

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