Hey everyone, I'm new here. I really hope I'm doing the right thing because if my life doesn't change in the next year I'm afraid I'll have to end it as almost every single day is torture for me.
I'm 23 years old and still in the closet, I'm afraid to talk to anyone irl as you know how it might turn out and that could ruin my life, you never know who's a homophobe which this country is full of and some stories I read scared me. Add to that my religious beliefs and you can imagine how lonely I feel. I'm not a devil worshiper or any of that crap, I just don't believe in a god. I'm very proud of who I am and am NOT ashamed of my beliefs and myself, but at the same time I cant keep living like this.
I'm getting increasingly depressed, those secrets are a HUGE burden I cant carry anymore. The problem is I cant even leave the country because I have to serve the military and you cant leave 1 year prior to that, add to that the 1 year (or 3, depending what you'll be chosen for) I'll have to serve in the military.
Also its affecting my social life (or my fake-self's social life), I try to stay normal but its very clear that I'm depressed and of course I cant explain the reason why, I cant even smile and it makes me look shy or insecure.
All I've said and I still cant explain half of what I'm going through, its just too much and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, so I feel sorry for everyone having to go through the same thing in the middle east.
I hope I can find help here, and I'll definitely do my best to help others and hope I can contribute to something big, something that will finally bring an end to this hell for minorities in the middle east.