Assalamu Alykum Wa Rahmatullah
I will try to be short.
I used to think myself as bisexual bcs i used to think liked both genders
However as time passed i think unconsciously u accepted i was gay. Well didnt really look for religious reason back then.
But when i did, I freaked out and i wanted to change so i thought of training myself.
I did got a lot of religious support, although some seems to be unanswered but hopefully in the future I will.
I came out as a confident gay men, but then i had I saw a lot of porn( i am not proud of it) and all sorts of wrong thing and then i eventually became confused, though i am becoming less confused day by day but my episodes returns. My head always feels heavy and i suffer from anxiety. ( its been almost 2 years)
I also have this fear of turning straight and i have no clue why!
and i sometimes i think i am bisexual, but then gay porn turn me on while lesbian porn sometimes scares me. The though of being with a girl physically comes with a bit sadness. and i dnt i was truly erect with being a girl. I know a lot of this relates to me being gay, but the paranoia!! damn that never goes away. mind sometimes tells me to experiment, but that is wrong. really really wrong.
My situation is even more annoying, EVEN to myself. I want to be a dad. But my sexual orientation isn't really helpful.
I wish Allah (swt) had all the answers but wow this thing is really hard.
I dnt feel free and happy anymore as i used to be, bcs basically my head s always heavy'. and some sensation down there(as in private parts) really badly confuses me. I dnt know what to do abt this.
Is any out there who feels like me or experienced emotions like me?? any advice.
Oh may Allah (swt) be pleased with you.
and men out there who wants to get married ;) :D .