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Someone like me

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Ever since I was a child I knew I was different I don't think people my age deserve to experience that, while most children my age use to just be themselves and just play around I was questionning myself and scared of tomorrow

I was bullied alot at school and up until this day I still remember the names I was called ,when I grew up exactly at high school I used to hear my friends talking about girls and how hot 'x' girl is and I just didn't get it , I wasn't feeling anything towards them

I've searched my entire small town for someone like me but I couldn't find anyone and what a scary place to be!

for the last years I was living the life of a successful straight guy and now i'm paying the price , living this lie caused me depression and guilt I've been hurting girls in the process I've been lying to girls who felt for a guy I'm not
deep inside I like men it's just me ..it's always been that way

Lately I just run away from everything from everyone, I deactivated my accounts on social medias, I changed my number I just want to be alone for a while to figure out where this will leads.

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  • Sure it's your choice, but shutting yourself out for whatever reason isn't the solution. I mean if you want to figure out who you are, you need to coexist with other people. Don't lie tho, if ur friends see a hot gurl and start pointing at her. Ignore them. Because these "gay" vibes, like not looking at girls, can be caught by other gay people *trust me I actually met 2 guys by not looking at hot girls. Imagine dat* so yea don't blame yourself for what you HAD TO DO before. Just coexist.

    Reply to ThatKindOfPerson
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  • 12-16_m_a_h3_f1
    Experience

    Hello Eddy,

    First I'd like to say, i'm sorry that you had to through deceitful relationships which right now give you depressing thoughts but dont be hard on yourself, because you got out of it as soon as you could and thats the best part of it! It might seem like you broke hearts but in reality you gave them the chance to find their right partners.

    I've been in a situation abit similar from yours, I ended up deleting my social media accounts (which I upto today I have mixed feelings about it, sometimes I feel like I made a mistake, lost the chance to see my family and friends (I grew up with) grow because you know sometimes you just miss these guys and just want to see their smiles even though they are homophobes.

    To be honest I think my decision to stay away from straight people made me grow even more lonely. Because at that time I wanted to switch them for gay or just people who are open minded but it turned out to be so hard. Most gay people are looking for their type of guys to be with, if you arent you not even going to be friends, the least that could happen if you are into fun you can get a one night stand and call it history. You may end up being hurt by gay people more than even straight people.

    All in all, you have the right to decide whats good for you, you also need the time to think and reflect on yourself in ways you think is the best means. Try not to delete things in your life out of anger/hurt. Try and always try to be objective in your choices

    Reply to Afrabrules
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