Start a Discussion Find support & help more people


Why do I keep longing for her?

A+ A-

Why can't I stop thinking of women? Just when I think I've got it under control..this deep longing and desire creeps back up to the surface. When I was perfectly fine. Happy even. Why do I have this unresolved part of myself that won't comply? Why do I get these phases when I feel so lonely and in need of no one but HER? Despite my love for my husband? Why do I feel like pouring my heart out to her and laying in her arms?

She doesn't even exist. I don't think she ever will. Not when I can't change my life for what's probably a whimsical fantasy.

Why does this longing keep coming back though? I've tried putting it away time after time but it just keeps returning. What the hell does it want from me? I know if I pursue it I'm just going to open a can of drama and nothing good will come from it.

I am not a cheater. I cannot cheat. I can't do this to myself and to him. Why do I keep feeling this way though? Like I want to escape and run away with the woman of my dreams?

I didn't feel this way again till today when I've replied to some old messages I'd forgotten about in an old account. Everything started coming back..

(for context, I'm bi) .

  • 35-50_f_w_h3_f4

    I love this and can relate. In fact for a second I almost thought my ex was writing this. She later got married to a man but she would always text me and say "I am still longing for you" and things like that. I always thought she might leave her husband for me but that never happened. I think it wasn't love that was keeping her in that relationship, but societal expectations and her need to please her family. She is not miserable in that relationship, he treats her very well, and they've developed somewhat of a strong friendship even though I think he's aware she is not truly in love with him. I just think it's a bit sad because she would've clearly been much happier with me. We were perfect for each other in many ways, but the expectations and pressure got the best of us.

    Sorry, not to take over your post with my own experiences, but that's what happened with me and those feelings you are having are way more common than you think! Maybe relive them in your fantasies. If you love your husband don't jeopardize that relationship for anything else.

    Thanks for sharing your feelings candidly

    Reply to Joon
    This was helpful! Flag
  • So beautifully written, I can totally relate.
    I understand the struggle you must be going through everyday,
    I believe I'd still try to be present with my husband if I were u, since ur bi, do my very best to concentrate on the whatever heterosexual percentage in me, not because it's safer or to avoid the drama, but because ur dream girl doesn't exist yet, so It's not fair to end it all for nothing! Unless u don't love him, then definitely being alone chasing ur dream girl is the right thing to do!

    Reply to DentMolly
    This was helpful! Flag
  • 25-34_f_w_h1_f3

    I think if you are thinking of someone else man was it or woman real or fictionary then there is something missing in your marriage. Try finding it try to fix it if it doesn't work then be honest with your husband and go elswhere look for what you think is missing

    Reply to Zeezidan
    This was helpful! Flag
  • 35-50_m_b_h1_f4

    I can relate..i feel the same..however i came to conclusion that i am not bi..
    But i feel the same struggle..yeah being married n longing for it..thinking about it when u have ur hurts cuz u cant give wt u should..u can enjoy it as they do..
    N u always miss that thing that u didnt try out yet..fearing to..torn btw guilt n fear and that what if ..
    Yeah we struggle..n we convince ourselves that it is just a fantasy so that we can move on..n we do..

    Reply to Just-a-gay
    This was helpful! Flag

Hall of Fame