Why can't I stop thinking of women? Just when I think I've got it under control..this deep longing and desire creeps back up to the surface. When I was perfectly fine. Happy even. Why do I have this unresolved part of myself that won't comply? Why do I get these phases when I feel so lonely and in need of no one but HER? Despite my love for my husband? Why do I feel like pouring my heart out to her and laying in her arms?
She doesn't even exist. I don't think she ever will. Not when I can't change my life for what's probably a whimsical fantasy.
Why does this longing keep coming back though? I've tried putting it away time after time but it just keeps returning. What the hell does it want from me? I know if I pursue it I'm just going to open a can of drama and nothing good will come from it.
I am not a cheater. I cannot cheat. I can't do this to myself and to him. Why do I keep feeling this way though? Like I want to escape and run away with the woman of my dreams?
I didn't feel this way again till today when I've replied to some old messages I'd forgotten about in an old account. Everything started coming back..
(for context, I'm bi) .