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Hello,
I am a 23-year-old girl and am always confused about the nature of my feelings towards girls since I was 10 years old.
This confusion is due to that my romantic and sexual feelings are not congruent. I have never imagined myself being in a sexual relationship with a girl, so I always concluded that I loved them as my best friends. But I always got butterflies in my stomach when I met them, I had this urge to touch them or hug them or cuddle them or talk to them 24/7. Why did it always hurt me when I know they're in love? Why didn't I feel those feelings with my real best friend whom I consider her my sister and I am sure internally that I love her as only my sister. but with those girls I always feel confused. I was internalized homophobe due to religious reasons until 6 months ago, I revealed my confusion to a friend of mine and she accepted my feelings and didn't care if I would be straight, bi-, or lesbian.
Can you develop romantic feelings towards girls without having this sexual lust to be with them? What were those girls for me, best friends or more than that? .

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  • You can totally develop romantic feelings towards girls without having it be sexual. My question for you is, when you do have sexual thoughts, does it involve men?

    It could be that one reason your feelings towards them are not sexual yet is because you didn't try it. I was the same until I finally kissed a woman and it changed my life and perspective around my sexuality and identity.

    Right now, it's not important to define who and what you are. Just know that everything you're experiencing is completely normal, and part of the discovery process, which is timely. You don't have to categorize yourself as lesbian, bi, or straight until you find that one of these is the closest fit to what you typically experience.

    Enjoy your best friends, see where those relationships take you. But allow yourself the time to be patient and to process your feelings and thoughts, romantic or otherwise. It took me YEARS to be sure.

    • Totally agreed with this. You don't have to define yourself yet, see what happens, and take your time to find out. Be open to the possibility that you might be bisexual instead of one or the other.

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