It's been a year since I've been out to myself and looking back I've realized how hard I was being on myself. This coming out business is difficult. It hasn't just been about accepting me, it has been about accepting that my life is going to be very different from what I once imagined it to be, that at some point I'm going to have to leave my parents and keep really big secrets from them. It has been about accepting that I am very much clueless about everything and that that cluelessness is what's been overwhelming me, making me want to hide from the world.
The past year has really changed me. I am constantly pushing myself now to be the best version of me, to be independent, to be braver- my future depends on it. I don't trust as easily now (which is a good thing), I notice what people do instead of listening to what they say they do, I'm not even the open book I once was. I feel so old. To be honest, it gets tiring being on a team my loved ones hate.
The best lesson I've learned till now is that I need to be kinder to myself, understand myself better, know that this is a tough life and I'm going to make mistakes. It's like I'm learning to walk all over again and it's alright to fall, the important thing is that I stand back up and keep going on.
On a happier note, it's pretty awesome knowing who I am. I like me *winks at self*. That and I'm looking forward to all the good things to come.