I've been feeling really sad lately because my relationship with my family is starting to feel impossible. I'm slowly reaching a point in my life where I either have to come out and everything will be okay or it could go terrible, or I can never say anything and risk having no real relationship with my little cousins that I've missed growing up, my parents that I love so much, my cousins who I've shared so many childhood memories with. I wish it were easier to let go of it all. These are the people that made up most of my life so far and it's weird now being an adult and being away from them and not having any sort of connection to it; not even because I don't want it but because of how scary and inaccessible it is. There's no way I feel I can connect with my family without coming out, and from my perspective and experience, there's no way to come out without them hating me anyway. I just feel hopeless I guess, but I want to try and I'm so scared. I don't want my family to hate me and think I'm keeping distance because I don't love them or I'm not watching my little cousins grow up because I'm "too busy" or something. These are all things I want to do, but can't seem to find a safe and comfortable way to go about it. I guess I'm just feeling really depressed about it all.