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Should I come out to my sister?

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My sister and I are very close, but she's been hiding so many things from me that I discovered accidentally while using her Facebook Messenger. So I thought maybe I talk to her and confess the truth about my sexuality in exchange of her confession too. is it a good idea ? if not, pleas gimme some advice. .

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  • I feel hesitant to advise you to tell her. Do you think there's a risk she would "Out" you to other members of the family or react harmfully in some way? Are you prepared for those potential consequences? I don't think the fact that you know her secrets will necessarily ensure her confidentiality unless you feel certain about it. But it sounds like you want to talk to her about her issues, too. Maybe you can come clean and tell her, hey I'm sorry to have violated your privacy but I came across some facebook messages and I learned some things about your life and would love to talk to you about them and love you and accept you no matter what, in like a nonjudgmental way. Then if you feel like the conversation goes well and she will honor your confidentiality, maybe you can disclose your sexuality too.

    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f3
      Comment

      thanks for your reply. You're right I feel very concerned about her problems, she's my sister and I want to help her and keeping secrets from each other makes me feel we're getting away. the worst thing is, I can't live that way, hiding the truth about me and play a role of a straight woman that everyone wants to see, this is just a façade of my personality and I am concealing the REAL one. that's the worst thing I've ever endured in my whole life, all I want is to get away as far as possible and live the life I want to live. I am already planning that.

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  • I don't think this is a good idea. "exchanging confessions" isn't the wisest way to come out at all.
    Just let things come on their own naturally.

    Reply to Delusions
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  • NO, like ultra mega COMBO NOOOOOOOO,

    First: she could hide many things from you, that's her freedom as a personnel ! she has the right to have her own space and secrets, she doesn't have to tell you everything about her.. so if you knew anything about her *accidently*, you should be ashamed.. and she wouldn't accept the mere fact that you knew those secrets.

    secondly: there's no guarantee she would accept your sexuality, human beings tend to sin a lot but when we meet other sinners who sin differently than us, most likely we judge them.

    for example: i could be a morphine addict, i would accept addicts like me cuz i'll psychologically feel like: oh, being addict is normal and it happens often, i'm not that bad ! i just do like my friends !

    but when i meet a homosexual? i wouldn't think like that, i'll be aggressive, i could even harm you just to feel better about myself.. maybe i'll think like this ( i'm an addict, but at least i'm not as bad as a homo ! and by beating this homo, god will love me ) bla bla

    YOU DONT KNOW IF SHE IS A HOMOPHOBIC OR NOT, so don't feel safe telling her your secret just becuz you discovered some things about her. i don't want to lose your sister, so unless you're sure she'll accept you DON'T TELL HER ANYTHING, plz !

    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f3
      Comment

      I tried to have a conversation with her about LGBT in general, she told me "i feel okay around them but when you really think about it, it's actually disgusting" so i snapped out of it.

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  • 17-24_f_f_h1_f1
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    coming out to family should be less complicated than this since u r stuck with them forever and u dont want ur sis to remind u of this 20 years later

    Reply to Plus1
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  • 25-34_f_w_h1_f3
    Advice

    I believe coming out should be a gradual process, not sudden or out of the blue, may be you feel you are ready or think you are ready but the others that you'll be coming out to have to be ready as well specially in our society when our orientations aren't as accepted as they are elsewhere. If you feel you and your sister aren't close enough that there are things you'd like her to tell you and vice versa, then work on your relationship together first rebuild trust and strengthen your connection gradually she'll tell you things and you'd feel it is safe and comforting to tell her your secrets too. And in the process you'll get if she's ok with LGBT orientations or not and you'll get to know if she would accept something like that or not and you'll then know whether to tell her or not. And if you realize she won't be ready or won't accept that then at least you got your sister closer to you

    Reply to Zeezidan
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