Quick background story, I am from Bahrain, and I met a lesbian in UAE, while visiting, we got into a relationship for about a month, and it all came crashing down recently.
Went for 2 visit to her in the span of a month, the last one being the time that everything crashed down.
But here is the thing I for once in my life really really really like this girl. I cannot express how much I have fallen for her in just a month, which is so unnatural. She brought out things in me (personalities, emotions, behaviors that I didnt think i was capable of) and to top it all off she is a very kind-hearted person.
There were a series of things that lead to the crash
1. we moved to fast
2. She is in love with her straight best friend (girl)
3. I never would tell her if something bothers me, and kinda just pretended i was fine with everything which lead to an angry burst later on.
4. Because she was in love with her friend, she wanted to have an open relationship, and I was the one who said no and walked away
5. I was scared of being myself, because this was the first time i really liked someone this much, which frustrated her, because I was different on the phone and different in real life
I thought I was fine with it all, and i came back smiling, we didnt speak, I tried to keep the relationship as friends, she isnt interested. And I thought ok no worries, until today morning when I had a delayed reaction of the whole thing.
I miss her from the bottom of my heart, I miss her voice, I miss us talking, I miss her touch, her smell. But mostly of all I miss sharing my happiness with her, and the times when we would get excited over silly stuff.
I dont know what to do, if I call and text her it will be to annoying, if I dont did I give up to fast, I want her back but if i go back on my wanting to break up do i seem weak?
I remember she asked me for a painting and I said yes I will do it for you, do I still do it? or should I really leave her alone and live with this current moment of being so miserable without her?
I cant eat, work, sleep, focus, nothing seems normal anymore, everywhere I look I find so many things to talk to her about but I cant live to the fullest right now, I am just existing. And I dont know what to do.