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I need help otherwise im going to go crazy

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Quick background story, I am from Bahrain, and I met a lesbian in UAE, while visiting, we got into a relationship for about a month, and it all came crashing down recently.

Went for 2 visit to her in the span of a month, the last one being the time that everything crashed down.

But here is the thing I for once in my life really really really like this girl. I cannot express how much I have fallen for her in just a month, which is so unnatural. She brought out things in me (personalities, emotions, behaviors that I didnt think i was capable of) and to top it all off she is a very kind-hearted person.

There were a series of things that lead to the crash

1. we moved to fast
2. She is in love with her straight best friend (girl)
3. I never would tell her if something bothers me, and kinda just pretended i was fine with everything which lead to an angry burst later on.
4. Because she was in love with her friend, she wanted to have an open relationship, and I was the one who said no and walked away
5. I was scared of being myself, because this was the first time i really liked someone this much, which frustrated her, because I was different on the phone and different in real life

I thought I was fine with it all, and i came back smiling, we didnt speak, I tried to keep the relationship as friends, she isnt interested. And I thought ok no worries, until today morning when I had a delayed reaction of the whole thing.

I miss her from the bottom of my heart, I miss her voice, I miss us talking, I miss her touch, her smell. But mostly of all I miss sharing my happiness with her, and the times when we would get excited over silly stuff.

I dont know what to do, if I call and text her it will be to annoying, if I dont did I give up to fast, I want her back but if i go back on my wanting to break up do i seem weak?

I remember she asked me for a painting and I said yes I will do it for you, do I still do it? or should I really leave her alone and live with this current moment of being so miserable without her?

I cant eat, work, sleep, focus, nothing seems normal anymore, everywhere I look I find so many things to talk to her about but I cant live to the fullest right now, I am just existing. And I dont know what to do.

  • I'm soooo sorry! It sounds like you're in the crisis part of a really rough break up. Just take a quick second and breath. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS! Take it one moment at a time. Don't worry about the future or even tomorrow, just worry about making it through the next hour. Here's a couple things that come to mind: All those reasons you listed for the break up make A LOT of sense. I read them and I was like damn I don't think this relationship was working. It's a huge loss. It's staggering. But at the same time - it seems like it would take a LOT of work to make it function and if she's in love with someone else (even if it's her straight best friend) she isn't willing to put in the effort. And you deserve more. If you don't want to be in an open relationship you shouldn't agree to it just because you're afraid of losing her. I think breaking up was the right decision even if it hurts like crazy. You are in crisis, so it makes sense that your world is screeching to a halt. Don't expect yourself to be able to do much while you're in this place. You're kind of like a sick infant right now - you need to just take care of yourself and treat yourself very gently. But trust me, it will pass. I've so been there before. Don't make her the painting. Don't keep texting. Write out all your thoughts in a letter or email. If you feel like you need to give it one final shot, send it to her. If you feel like she'll only dismiss it, don't. You will be ok. Hugs!!!

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