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Positive Experiences With Open Relationships?

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Hey all, I was just wondering if anyone had any positive experiences with open / polyamorous / non-monogamous relationships that they would be willing to share! I'm mainly interested in hearing positive experiences, not negative ones. Thanks!. .

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  • 17-24_f_w_h1_f1
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    I'd love to hear people's experiences in this too. For me the concept is completely vague. It's hard for me to imagine a scenario where there are no boundaries or jealous fights or even competitiveness around the idea. Who here has had a positive experience?! Do share!

    Reply to إسراء
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  • 17-24_f_f_h3_f3
    Experience

    My first (lesbian) relationship was unintentionally open :-/ I somehow found myself seeing 2 girls and at first I thought "jackpot!" but it was all not by choice I mean I literally met them the same week and both brought the gay out of me. I can't say I'm "experienced" as I didnt plan it. Both knew of each other and hated each other however I managed to make them never meet (spoke on the phone only as 1 of them would answer my phone when the other calls -- girl drama ) but that was it eventually I broke up with 1 after 2 years and stayed with the other, during that period I very briefly had encountered with a girl at college with my gf's approval but that was it. Overall all, my ex (the gf at the time) was very jealous but she trusted that I'd always come back to her eventually which was true till we're broken up for good in 2013 and I got into another relationship in 2014, I had an couple of opportunities to hook up with other girls than my gf but I was too loyal for that or maybe just too mature and grown up finally But in short, I made it work with 2 girls for 2.5 years, open relationships can work but I suppose only under the right circumstances but if your gf/bf is fully devoted to you and always available, you'll not be as interested into pursing another one or at least that's how I felt later. I don't know if any of that is useful to you .

    Reply to Delusions
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  • 17-24_f_w_h1_f3
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    I am in an open relationship for almost 4 years now. A lot think Being in an open relationship means you are not really in love... But we are crazy about each other. But We also get this part about each other and leave little space for each other. Its not like we do it all the time but sometimes we need it and now with the years it happens less,unintentionally. Well I have to say one time I became crazy jealous and it was bec the girl she was with was a lot like me and fell inlove with my gf so for an advice a fling shouldnt last for long or get deep...
    I think it takes 2 who think the same about this issue to make it work, Or one who is really mature and calm to let the other (I dont think this one is fair)..

    Reply to Adena11
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  • Thanks that's really nice to hear! How do you deal with jealousy when it comes up?

    • 17-24_f_f_h3_f3
      Experience

      Its quite simple, you just need to make up your priorities before anything else if you deep down inside sure that your current partner is the one you'll always love and prefer then you're good to go but you'll need to assure them of this first and of course prove it with actions not just word. Whether they know that they're your #1 priority or not they'll still get jealous so expect that but the level of jealousy will depend on how safe you made your partner feel, you know what I mean? Like with my situation, my ex gf was sure that she is my #1 priority she knew it and had zero doubt about it because I made her feel this way so her jealousy was not harsh she would make fun of the other girl or mock her that was it but once your partner feels unsafe with you you'll have to deal with another level of jealousy that might threaten your whole relationship. So to avoid jealousy just make sure your partner knows you love them and that fling is for fun nothing more.

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    • What do you do when you're the one who's feeling jealous? My partner has done everything she can to make me feel special and supported but the jealousy is still intense. Tips?

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    • Then you must tell her that open relationships isn't for you. It's not something for everyone after all people are different. You don't have to continue torturing yourself you know, either she makes a compromise or you do. If you both don't feel okay doing the same thing then you need to sit down and talk.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h1_f3
      Comment

      Well for me that time when I couldnt take it I told her after it ate me alive for a yea.. I should of told her a lot earlier but she was understanding though.. If you really wanna do this u 2 gotta be honest with eachother and Set some rules.. Try to know what hurts u most and stays in your mind, and ask her to stop it or not show it... Dont feel too proud to admitt how you feel !!

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    • I think you're both right, in my situation it seems like it's not going to work out for us because we have different needs. She wants to date more people than I do and it makes it so i have to constantly deal with my jealousy issues coming up and it's interfering with how much energy and focus i have for the rest of my life. And because I'm worried and jealous all the time about her I'm not even in a place emotionally where I feel confident to go on my own dates! It's super sad that we can't meet in the middle but that's life I guess. Better to be honest than to drag it out and have it get more complicated down the line

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  • 25-34_f_b_h3_f4
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    Its a pretty interesting topic and views on the matter! I would have imagined it would have been tough to pull off an open relationship in the arab world because we are so passionate. How does one talk to their partner about wanting to be in an open relationship?

    Reply to agedgrapes
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  • There are books I've read on the topic that can be helpful, particularly the Ethical Slut (lol at the title) or Love in Abundance: A Counselor's Guide to Open Relationships. It is really hard when you're very passionate and when you've been raised to believe that monogamy is the only way to express true caring and love but I think it's possible. I'm just still trying to figure out if it's possible for me. One of the issues I'm having is that it brings up a lot of fear and insecurities about being good enough/attractive enough and a sense of competitiveness that's hard to avoid. But I imagine with the right people, it can be really beautiful and fulfilling.

    Reply to femmeprincess
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  • 25-34_f_f_h1_f2
    Comment

    I was the one who persuaded my boyfriend to the open relation principle , but after few months when he said he just thought in other girl ,i became madly jealous and refused to met her even when he said i'm his priority ...etc. But i had to control my jealousy so he don't use it against me, i found a useful article that helped me thinking differently, but sure i'm still jealous so i choose not to know about her or any other girl as they just short term relations.

    Reply to Horya
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  • 25-34_f_f_h1_f2
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    http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/poly/Labriola/jealousy.html

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