well I don't feel good putting this up for everyone, but i am really lost in my head!! and i have no one who i can speak to in suck thing even who knows about my sexuality because they might say that i can be just experimenting which is not true.
long story, short..
I am 23. My first relationship was 4 years ago, we were both straight at the time, and i guess we just fell in love. we kissed and became in a relation after 3 months of our friendship.. we were never really friends from the beginning!!! we stayed together for 3 years..
here I am now. All my friends are getting married or engaged, and my parents waiting for to do too. I am not sure about my sexuality. i am sure i am not straight, but i felt something toward a girl when i was 19, if i am born homosexual shouldn't i have known from before like most!!! Before her i had only 2 boyfriends and they weren't serious because i never liked commitment.. both foreigners so i am sure it will only be a fling. I used to feel attracted to boys but i got bored fast and never found it in me to fight for anyone.
and after my lesbian relationship, my interests for guys almost faded in those couple years. my friends told me i should try to be in a relation and i have found the open minded perfect guy who loves me but still couldn't do it, it just brings a huge burden to me not necessarily sexual. at the same times i feel attracted to girls all the time. is it because i fell in love with a girl but never with a boy ?? am i bi. or a lesbian??? am i really not attracted to boys or am i too in love with girls??
its time for me to decide how i will live my future. my main concern is because of god!! i don't want to feel like he didn't make me this way, and it is me who is choosing to do something Haram!