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Lost!! Bi or lesb!!

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well I don't feel good putting this up for everyone, but i am really lost in my head!! and i have no one who i can speak to in suck thing even who knows about my sexuality because they might say that i can be just experimenting which is not true.

long story, short..

I am 23. My first relationship was 4 years ago, we were both straight at the time, and i guess we just fell in love. we kissed and became in a relation after 3 months of our friendship.. we were never really friends from the beginning!!! we stayed together for 3 years..

here I am now. All my friends are getting married or engaged, and my parents waiting for to do too. I am not sure about my sexuality. i am sure i am not straight, but i felt something toward a girl when i was 19, if i am born homosexual shouldn't i have known from before like most!!! Before her i had only 2 boyfriends and they weren't serious because i never liked commitment.. both foreigners so i am sure it will only be a fling. I used to feel attracted to boys but i got bored fast and never found it in me to fight for anyone.

and after my lesbian relationship, my interests for guys almost faded in those couple years. my friends told me i should try to be in a relation and i have found the open minded perfect guy who loves me but still couldn't do it, it just brings a huge burden to me not necessarily sexual. at the same times i feel attracted to girls all the time. is it because i fell in love with a girl but never with a boy ?? am i bi. or a lesbian??? am i really not attracted to boys or am i too in love with girls??

its time for me to decide how i will live my future. my main concern is because of god!! i don't want to feel like he didn't make me this way, and it is me who is choosing to do something Haram!

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  • 35-50_f_w_h3_f4
    Advice

    Hi! I think you shouldn't be in a hurry to find out, you should just see how your feelings develop for someone over time regardless of their gender. Defining yourself will limit the true possibilities of you finding the love of your life one day. And definitely don't think that anything you are doing is haram, it's not, an identity is literally who we are and if we're straight or bi or gay or trans then so be it. It doesn't change your relationship with god, and it doesn't take anything at all from your good deeds.

    I know we tend to always be in a rush to find answers, but this is one question I was never in a hurry to find out, it's something you realize many years down the line, after a lot of trials and errors and heartbreaks and relationships.

    Also 3 years is a long time to be with someone! May I ask why you broke up? Did the love fade or was there an identity issue? Does your ex have the same questions too or does she identify as a lesbian now? Sorry for being too curious

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      Anonymous
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      well we are not really overr , its a bit complicated we have always been intense !! and no she doesn't have the same problem she doesnt believe she is a lesbian or even bi.. she says its never to the point that she would act on, you know. "me sexual" she says .

      thank you for the advice. its just that any decision for my life depends on that. if i should prepare myself to live alone or travel somewhere more liberal. or should i push myself out of my comfort zone and try to be with a boy and see, if that what i suppose to do. it would make my life a lot easier.
      i love being with girls and i feel myself a lot more with them, i actually nearly feel nothing for boys now. i do believe in homosexuality, but i know most feel different since their childhood.. i just dont want to feel like it is my choice not that i was born this way. does that make any sense to you!! here i am repeating my shitt again.. i am always certain about everything, i dont know..

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    • It seems like there's a lot of pressure in your life to choose one identity so that you can make decisions about your future, I'm sorry it has to be like that. I agree that ideally, you could just explore and let your attraction unfold and speak for itself. But from what you're saying it seems like you're under a lot of pressure. And also it seems pretty clear that (at least right now) you're barely into men. Don't force something that doesn't feel good. Go with your gut. It's okay if it's not completely clear. But I'm hearing a lot of reluctance towards men and my instinct is to tell you to listen to that!

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  • I would go with Bi.

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      Anonymous
      Comment

      hmmm.. i wish could say that

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  • 25-34_f_b_h3_f4
    Experience

    Million Dollar question for alot of us out there, the problem is that within the middle east, nothing is open and free, so we can't have a normal relationship with a women. So even if you are truly lesbian you are forced to be Bi, because its kinda the only way you can keep yourself from going insane.

    Do you stay and attach a label to yourself? Is that Label so important? these are questions that you should begin to answer yourself. Do you go and see what a society that isnt so suffocating feels like?

    Do you marry for love regardless of the gender, or do you marry someone you dont love because your afraid of all of the fears others have for you passed down by other.

    Personally, I have been fighting against people you have been putting labels on me, I see my life as that of a Cat's life, nothing keeps me order, I run wild and free (well except for food, my true weakness) I have close to no interest with boys, but I wont lie is someone has asked me if i had sex with a man, I had a few, Just like I had a few women. Am I bi? I couldnt care less, I would rather let love lead my life then pick a label and stick to it.

    Everyone is getting married! OH GOD! its all around! and babies are popping! Feels kinda shit, I would love to raise a kid and get married so some one special! but I sure as hell aint going to settle for a man! I would much rather not get married instead! Every one asks and and nags, and I just tell them to Sod off its my life. But still it hurts so much on the inside GOD DAMNIT, but hey you get used to the pain, and you make an awesome aunt!

    And As for the God part of your topic. We sin a lot, i mean a lot without realising it, if you listen to organised religion you damn, your screwed and your going to hell. here is where you need a bit of self confidence and reasoning, you need to understand that there is a chance you may never stop sleeping with girls, and compensate by being a really good human being, thats I my practice.

    hope i helped

    Reply to agedgrapes
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    Anonymous
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    "Everyone is getting married! OH GOD! its all around! and babies are popping! Feels kinda shit, I would love to raise a kid and get married so some one special! but I sure as hell aint going to settle for a man! I would much rather not get married instead! Every one asks and and nags, and I just tell them to Sod off its my life. But still it hurts so much on the inside GOD DAMNIT, but hey you get used to the pain, and you make an awesome aunt!" HAHA exactlyy!! I love you for putting it like this thanks

    • 25-34_m_w_h1_f4
      Experience

      haha happens to the best of us! as soon as you hit 30 onwards this is the one question that will never die, not just from family but from friends and work colleagues too. suuuucks!

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      Anonymous
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      for girlss.. its from 21 maan :SS and if you dont respond with excitement and hope you are screwed.. ughh!!!

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    • 25-34_f_b_h2_f3
      Comment

      Yeah it starts early for us, for me at 19 they are already asking about marriage and kids. Also the problem is that if you lie and respond with excitement, they try to hook you up with some random guy! The whole process is just disgusting.

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  • just go with the flow... time will tell

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      Anonymous
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      Thankss :$$

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    Anonymous
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    yeahh.. thats kinda what i am doing now

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  • 17-24_f_f_h1_f1
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    take ur time knowing yourself & u will find the answer on ur own...u don't need to hurry it bcoz in both cases u r attracted to same sex.

    Reply to Plus1
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  • Heyy just calm down and take your time with whatever you feel comfortable calling yourself. Just be with whoever you love and whoever loves you back, don't let anyone or anything pressure you into labeling yourself a thing you don't like or being with a person you're not sure you want to be with

    Reply to skyestone
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