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Out of the closet!

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Hey guys,

I haven't posted anything here in a while. I guess I didn't have a lot to share or just because I'm a bit lazy these days. Srsly..need to get to rehab!! But I say no..no..no :P

Well, anyhow..I have big news! Very recent news to be exact!
Last night I came out to my sister. No. Not face-2-face. No. Not through the phone. But, email. Yeah. I am chicken; who are you? Nice to meet you. Well..you might wonder what I said? It was aaaa long email. I basically told her how life's too short and I don't want to live the rest of my life feeling alone. I told her that I loved her and how I respect her. And, that I only wanted her to know and no-one else. Because she's the only person I trust in my family and my only best friend. I told her how hard it is to struggle alone and that I don't have the energy to do it on my own any longer. That I need someone to release this burden I have...this secret. That it's not a disease, that it's no-one's fault (especially not mine), that it's not haram (because you can't choose to be - it doesn't make sense to be punished for something you have no control over..no power) and that I am a good Muslim and a very good person in God's eyes. And I will work hard on keeping it that way. I told her that my intention is to bring us closer and not break us apart. And that I need her in my life to comfort me, when things get hard. I mentioned that I don't want to keep secrets from her...I want to be able to tell her everything, like she can with me.
Well...anyhow to keep the story short. Yes. I am a bisexual. I accept myself and I hope you do too (basically).

I got a text from her this morning. Telling me that she loves me no matter what and for who I am. And that she's there for me whenever I need her.

So, my day started out pretty good. I was relieved. Then I thought..well....as long as I'm "in" it..might as well email my best friend (homophobic btw). I texted her first; to let her know that I'm sending an important email. So...emailed her that I'm bisexual (Whaaaaa?) for like almost seven hours ago (yuuus today). Did not get a reply whatsoever. So..I am starting to think that I've lost my best friend. (Maybe?). But, I'm gonna give her the space and time she needs. Half hour? Too much? O.K. Two days...will do I guess. I will keep you posted guys. :D .

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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f3
    Experience

    So..guess what happend? Right...(and I am not joking guys..this is reaaaal time) now..when my post just got approved by the admin...my best friend emailed me. Look how I ended my topic...right! With my best friend! Well...to keep the long story short. She basically said the same thing. She told me she's there for me...how she admires my courage and strength and that I don't have to be alone anymore. I don't have to struggle on my own. That she's there for me whenever..wherever. And how hard life must've been for me...and that she's not going anywhere. She's there for me forever and ever.

    Oh man...you can imagine how I feel at the moment. Relieved....blanc...but yet many thoughts flashes by. I am sooo grateful at the moment. Thank you God! Thank you (those who shall remain nameless..yeah you know who you are...you little **** luv ya!). And I just want to leave you some advice. For all of those who want to - are considering - are planning on - or are still doubting to come out to anyone they personally know. A relative..a friend..anyone. Trust your instinct..your hunches...they never let you down. Listen to your inner voice. When things get toooooo busy in your head and you can't think clearly. Get still. Be in a silent room. Let your thoughts come to you. Let your inner voice speak to you. Don't fight it. And when you do feel what you feel. When you feel it's time..when you feel it's right...when you feel the power..the strength...that whatever happens there is no regret...I am strong.....that's the time to come out!

    Just, one more thing. I come from a veryyyyy religious family. A homphobic one. My best friend is homophobic....but yet...they see past through it all. Once you do good..you will receive good. I was never the person to judge anybody..never in my life. Now, when the time came I was to be judged...no-one did either. You know..you give to the world..what you shall receive in the end. I hope that I've just given some of you hope...believe me..I was hopeless..and now I feel I can handle the world!! Aaaaaand..yes..yes..I know...I will shut up..just one more thing. Even if my sister didn't except me..or my best friend..I still feel I would take on the world. Because..power and strenght comes from the inside..no-one...NO-ONE can give it to you!! Remember that! Love yourself!!

    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
      Comment

      You are so brave for doing this! I admire the fact that you decided to do it and it's also quite inspiring knowing the reasons. It's true, and we sometimes forget how short life really is. I know I tend to forget a lot, over-thinking and getting anxious about certain things. There's more to life than those little insignificant matters.

      But anyway, I'm so glad how things worked out for you! Your sister and best friend are incredible to have left their homophobia aside and be there for you! That's all we need really. Not to feel so alone and have that support from family and friends, especially after going through so much.

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    • Congratulations for your courage! This is very good news to see the people you love react in this way. I'm happy for you. I can't say I'm willing to do the same anytime soon but .. one day.

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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f3
    Comment

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VenrKspzIEM&feature=related

    I will shut up now. (^-^)

    Reply to Vicci
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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f3
    Advice

    Thanks you guys!! I wouldn't have had the guts, if it wasn't for Ahwaa. I have made some amazing friends here, ever since I decided to join (like months ago). And I have come a long way in my life. Sometimes you just need that little push...little encouragement...that little last step to make you go through with it. And yeah..life is really short...don't waste your precious time on things that are not beneficial; they serve no purpose at all. Like being anxious, stressing about material things, worrying about the future, being upset about the past or just excessive thinking over NOTHING (really). You can use your time on things that matter..things that will help you grow. For example:being productive! Go write a stroy..draw something..help somebody with something, learn a new language..travel..do some volunteering..etc.

    And another thing...even though my sis and best friend now know..I am still struggling. This is something I have to endure for the rest of my life. And my relationship with them may have changed; I don't know. I haven't spoken to them yet and they haven't tried to contact me. I am giving them the time and space they need, but in the end I'm the one who is gonna educate them. This is knew to them and I had my time to adjust. So, I am placing myself in their situation..no doubt about it. But, the point is...I'm the one who needs the support here....somehow it feels like I'm supporting them? I don't know if that makes any sense to you? The whole point in coming out is to get the support, right?; to break this wall. Don't be impatient Vicci.....GIVE THEM SOME TIME! "I know - I know".

    So, everyone comes out in their own time and on their own terms. Don't be forced in doing something you're not ready for. This is your life..your choice and in the end everyone dies their own death!

    And live in the present..in the here and now. Don't analyze the past and especially..do not overthink the future! You only have the here and now...use it wisely!

    Powerhuuuuugssssss y'all!!!!

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
    Experience

    I have known that I am a lesbian for 2 years and I actually (also recently) came out to 3 guy friends (1 best friend, 1 friend and my ex who actually said "ha, I knew it!" and 2 girl friends...(a homophobic best friend and another friend who i feel we will be close because she is so open-minded)
    The worst reaction was from my homophobic girl friend (surprise, surprise!) i spoke to her over the phone and she said that she thinks its only a phase but accepts me anyway and knows that im a good person so who i want in my bed is none of her business lol.
    There's one more person I want to tell...my best friend who I've known for 6 years and have even stayed over at her house once. I'm just scared that if I tell her, she might treat me different. She's like a sister to me and I would do anything just so I won't lose her,

    Reply to GUCian
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  • 25-34_f_w_h2_f3
    Comment

    Wow! Ur the first bisexual woman I've met on ahwaa! So am I . How are ya ?

    Reply to Cuddles
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