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"Being Discreet": The Main Relationship Qualifier?

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Hi! I'm a Southeast Asian expat in Dubai and I've been here for the past 3 years. This place has its restrictions but overall, I must say that very rarely have I felt threatened.

I am curious about your opinion regarding the popularity of "macho gays" among our community. They seem to be the main qualifier in relationship-seeking amongst us leaving the more..."refined" (wink)...gays like me in the sidelines. This is a bit sad but I dont feel like I should consciously alter my manner and ways just to increase the chances of getting a guy. Some of my friends who picked up on this just sort of flick a switch: they are flamboyant when with me while very manly when on dates. I find this distressing.

What do you guys think of this? .

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  • 25-34_m_w_h1_f4
    Comment

    i've seen it too, it's so infuriating. but after a few dates they relax a bit and become themselves. never on the first and second date though! wish people just quit this "facade" and embrace who they are.

    Reply to 6a3miya
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  • 17-24_m_w_h4_f3
    Experience

    were on the same boat. Its really hard on us "twink" to find relationship especially here. Mostly like discreet nor manly attitude and now very obvious.

    Reply to iamlouie05
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  • 25-34_m_f_h4_f4
    Comment

    It took me a long time to accept the fact that I will never get a relationship if I keep being who I am in public. My second to last date, the guy told me "look you're a hot twink, but you have to man up in public". Then he went on and said that a twink in bed is heaven, but in public is a walking disaster. I accept that, but I just can't stop being myself, it is sooooo comfortable. So now I stopped dating, and took the decision to wait for a guy who will be brave enough to take me as I am. Stupid I know, but that's who I am, I can't change that.

    Reply to Tim
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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Comment

    I Think it has a lot to do with fear of safety as well. I mean Dubai is all about do whatever you want as long as you don't get caught. You never know when someone might get offended at you and report you. It's a big danger and when you are an expat you have more to lose.

    Not saying that you guys should down the gay but trying to give the other side a perspective.

    Reply to Edel
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  • 17-24_m_w_h4_f3
    Experience

    I agree with you @edel sometimes we should hide in public for what we are but in private we can be what we are. I'm not against to be yourself in public but minimize being showy what we are.

    @Tim i know what u been through and I don't have any comment about it. Our friends see us different and they do understand us but when random people see us for who we are they just judge what they see.

    Reply to iamlouie05
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  • its about being strong for me i live in morocco yes here its homophobic but i man,aged to come out to my friends and they managed to change from homophobic to quiet open minded plus guys like the strong open figure top or bottom being wild is sexy

    Reply to oussamawalid
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