i live in hell, every day passes things become more complicated
really i don't know what or who am i or what should i do !
being alone in all this killing me
i can't pretend it all OK any more.
the idea of ending my life is coming back to me again
really i need support or help
all my life since i started to notes things, i realize that am a girl like all my girl friend's
but they have a different shape of body !!
and when i asked my family all hell door's opened on my face
and the tell me that they rather to kill me than going on this way.
i had to pretend that its over and i accept it an happy with what i am (boy)
as days pass the fem since grown stronger and stronger in me but i had to keep it in secret because as am getting older i realize what is the consciousnesses of showing that for any one.
so i act, but they suspect that am acting
so they do there best to make me more maleich.
must go for gym training so my muscles grow bigger, i did but i skip it
must go for a boys only schools,and there i had my 1st gay relation
must not play or have a girls as friend's, did but i kept my best friends
and i keep pretending and act
even they get me in a studding field that is very harsh and hard for any one like me]
i tried to end my miserable life 2 time but did't succeeded
then they forced my to get marred for female.
and that was the killer thing, that what tern my all life to hell
if i act on them
i have my special space to live as my self in
but marge destroy it
i tried to tell her but couldn't, i know how she will react
so i keep on acting
now we got children
i had to stop for a second and decide what will i do
if i go with my real person and take a step foreword in TG, that will destroy the life of her and the children and every one around me
if i keep acting i will end killing me elf again
ohh am very sick
im crazy a lot this days
am 37 year old, not much lift in my life
i always take a hotel room by my self to feel my fam and think what to do
i want to feel peace
i want help any help.