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Have you decided your sexuality based on different/mixed experiences?

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This question might sound a little bit weird. But if you're a homosexual/straight or whatever. Have you tried to satisfy yourself in all the other ways, and then you've decided that you get satisfied the most with a specific sex, or even you're not interested except with this sex. Have you tried everything before deciding your own sexuality? Or have you just tried one thing and carried on with that eliminating any other possibility?

I think the elimination "option" comes more with straights. But I'm addressing everyone here!

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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f2
    Experience

    I have been only interested and involved with women since a young age. I didn't require any previous experiences. I may have been in denial at first but I was never confused about my sexuality. It was crystal clear from the beginning and was never a matter of choice for me.

    • 12-16_f_f_h2_f1
      Comment

      what if u fall in love ur partner ll ask u why did u choose me cos u love me are u sure ? I mean u did not b with many people n then choose her in particular that shows u only b cwith her withou convicing justification

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  • It is a strange question, but i recently have been asking myself: regardless of my sexual arousal towards men (which is more circumstantial and not as frequent as one/ I would presume), am I gay because I've only had sexual experiences with men? How can I tell if I haven't had a sexual experience with women? Common sense says: "try it and you will find out".. At this moment, I feel myself open to suggestions, criticisms, opinions, etc..

    Reply to persnickety
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  • 12-16_f_w_h1_f1
    Comment

    well you can tell you're not a zoophile , you don't have to fuck a dog to know it xD that's basically it .. you just know it no experiences needed ..

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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Experience

    It was the other way around with me. Before I admitted to myself that I am gay, I used to convince myself that I was in love with one guy or another. I never was and I thought it was me having super control over my emotions that let me get over them so very easily.

    Later on, I realized that those guys were nothing to me. Props I used to delude myself but nothing else. The girls however were a different story entirely. The physical and emotional affect they had on me was very intense and I'm still trying to get over the last one.

    I mean, all the signs were there. I just had to stop lying to myself and acknowledge them.

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  • Default-avatar
    Comment

    It was never crystal clear for me what my orientation is. Currently, I know I am interested in men and transgenders. But it took me a long time to realize I am not interested in cisgender females. Wish I could learn it sooner in life.

    Reply to MirAmin
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  • 17-24_m_w_h1_f3
    Experience

    In my experience. Pornography tends to give you straight answers :P. If a person can only get sexually aroused by watching certain ... I think the actors tell it all

    Reply to Justthat
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  • 17-24_m_b_h3_f3
    Comment

    Well i agree with you totally , because of pornography i knew i liked men !!!!

    Reply to AhmedM93
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  • 17-24_f_b_h1_f3
    Comment

    I don't like the idea of feeling like you have to try both men and women before you "know" that you're gay. I sort of chose to flirt back with a girl who was flirting with me, because I thought that it would be easier to hide from my parents than flirting with men, but that ended up being the first of several queer relationships, and I have yet to have a straight relationship. I was in a lot of doubt about my sexuality because I felt like a "fake" queer, that I could "choose" to be straight like I chose to be queer. Not only does that reinforce heterosexuality as normal (no one tells straights to "try" being gay before they're sure they're straight), it also makes it seem like a person's sexuality has to be one thing, like it's not fluid, like it's not okay to like men and women and still consider yourself queer. I think as long as you do what you like, and let yourself define your own identity, you don't have anything to rprove.

    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
      Experience

      I totally agree. Especially on not having to try both genders to know if you're gay or not. I never had to experiment with men, never been in a straight relationship either. I just knew I was gay by identifying the emotions and being aware of the attractions.

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  • At some point I felt I had to try both
    Though I had somehow fooled myself through high school about dating girls even though I was sexually active with men
    I gave in to the temptation of the experiment
    However one could "do" it
    But it didn't feel emotionally right
    The facts had been clear to me already for too long
    Somehow it was done out of despair
    Of fearing I would be in for really tough times
    But ti didn't work anyway

    • 25-34_m_w_h4_f4
      Comment

      Do you ever feel sometimes that you have to keep pretending?

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    • Well I felt that many times... when I was younger... I guess it had to do more with being so completely unsure about myself not because of being in doubt as such but more because of fear. I guess in the end I was the only one fooled.

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    • pretend or not or dear @samir is up to you. you should know that accepting the truth is better than just keep on pretending, maybe its bitter, but at least you know you are not lying to yourself.

      people ask me when will you have gf, i said this to them when time comes. i dont deny anything, i just prevent having discussion about my love life, and my friends heard it and i am adamant about it so they understand.

      try and try and in time you will get used to it.

      read my clogs.. i hope it helps: http://trancend7heavens.wordpress.com

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    • 12-16_m_b_h3_f4
      Experience

      Ahhh... if only I can get dates as often as I get asked the "when do you get a gf/wife" question.

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  • 17-24_f_w_h1_f2
    Comment

    Well, I have been interested in girls from an early age but I never dated any because I was in denial, although I have had some crushes and so on. I have dated guys and then I realized that I'm attracted to both genders, so I should embrace that and stop denying it...though I'm still to scared to ask a girl out :/

    • 17-24_f_w_h1_f2
      Comment

      too*

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    • 25-34_f_w_h3_f2
      Advice

      If you know she's a lesbian or that she had a girlfriend in the past that might make you more comfortable making the first move. Unfortunately we rarely ever know these things, but sometimes when you get closer to the person you can start asking her what she thinks about homosexuality and if she appears to be straight then you know when to not take the relationship any further. We all have to do things like that to see where our limitations are.

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  • 25-34_m_w_h4_f4
    Experience

    It takes a while to get used to asking people out. Thanks to my luck I got asked out the first time so I didn't have much to worry about in that area. After the first relationship, depending on how it goes, your confidence level really shoots up and liberates you from some of these limitations.

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  • 51-65_m_b_h3_f1
    Experience

    My case might seem a bit weird.

    First, I got to define my sexuality only when I was in my late thirties! That was when I could roam the Internet, and discover and read and search... Before that, I only considered myself a pious person that can, rather easily, control his desires vis-a-vis women. Or people thought that, and I just acquiesced.

    Second, trying was a no-no! Both for me personally, as well as for my entourage. I don't condone the idea of multiple lovers/companions/whatever. No offence, people, but I hate adultery...

    Third, search was impossible. The Net is a very scary place. The real world is even scarier!!! So, I ended up crying for God's assistance. And, in His own good time, He did provide help in the form of my "other half". :-)

    Reply to GiorLeo
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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f2
    Comment

    Hi GiorLeo, out of curiosity how did you feel when you first identified your sexuality?

    Reply to Reem
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  • Default-avatar
    Comment

    It's interesting, when I was much younger (maybe eleven or so) I was far more sensitive to anything being even remotely sexual. It was a much more confused time as well, and of course being a child of the internet era I was receiving greater than average exposure at a time when the world was only just awakening to the sexual side of the internet.

    In that sense, I ended up searching compulsively and gravitating toward what I found most consistently appealing...which turned out to overwhelmingly be women. In one sense I had resolved my own sexual orientation questions before I even began to contemplate a moral aspect to it (I was raised without religion in a politically very liberal household) but I never forgot what it was like to question, to worry, to be unsure and anxious about it and what it would mean.

    It also made me keenly aware of the fact that most human beings are, in reality, bisexual rather than absolutely homosexual or absolutely heterosexual, and the fact that my experience and impulses have changed over time (becoming more clearly defined and stable, for one) indicated to me the malleable and dynamic nature of human sexuality.

    Reply to Peter
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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
    Comment

    I think that we're all bisexuals in a way but most of us don't even think about it like that .. social restrains stop us most of the times.. being with guys was easy because that was what the world expected from me.. but it took me to actually fall in love with a girl to be with her and i then realised i'm bi

    Reply to Imperfect
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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    well i was ina denial phase in the beginning and i had 12 girlfriends lool (funfact they actually felt for me though i'm one of them obvious gays) but i was never confused about my sexuality... i always knew that i like guys, sexually and to be with a guy in general, so actually u don't experience then u choose :D u just either gay, bi , or straight that's it

    Reply to Mina
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  • 17-24_m_w_h2_f3
    Comment

    Regarding this, you can look this issues in variety of ways. Let us go back to the genesis.when we all fetuses, we don't have genitalia so it is either we are male or female at that time. Until late we got all our birds and our vajayjay is gone while the ladies, got their vajayjay and their penises gone to be a clit.
    Anyway, a theory was decide, likelihood if you are a twin, you can be gay up to 70% cases, if you are the last and mostly your siblings are all boys, you going to be somewhat soft hearted, with feminized look. (aka the perfect woman)

    this is what i found out from the psychology book. Though in all earnest, we are all born with a sexual orientation that is either into opposite sex or to the same sex. Though, bisexuality is more to the sex act and the curiosity and the fun having both life in a plate. All straight people have this gay in them. Go to the gym, where men eyes each other for their body and sexiness. it is normal. the difference between them and us.. is that we pushes the border by embracing it.

    It is not a club
    Not a religion
    Not something mystical
    and it is not something you can choose.

    Reply to DrMike
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  • 25-34_f_w_h1_f2
    Experience

    I knew i was gay when I crushed on my english teacher in the sixth grade while everyone was crushing on the handsome tanned Science teacher. I knew i was gay when I had no explination to why i freeze when other girls touch me or put thier arms around me. I knew i was gay when i was 20 and had no crushes, no relationships, no nothing.. except those " weird" feelings for other girls....
    So basically i knew since i was 13.

    You don't need to try something out, in order to know if you like it or not... you can tell by the smell

    Reply to Dee
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  • 35-50_f_w_h1_f3
    Comment

    I was married for about 10 years before I realized I was gay. It wasn't until I got divorced and got approached by a woman that I even considered the idea. And then it was an eye opener. Would I have been gay if that woman didn't get me interested? Probably not. I do believe now that I am gay at the core, but sometimes you don't easily see the obvious.

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  • Default-avatar
    Comment

    I find that i decided i am a lesbian because of the fact that all my crushes when I was a kid were on girls

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  • you just don't choose i've loved women since i can remember even know i tried to fight it but i have lost that fight, because, being with a woman for me is the right thing, if it's a choice you can make i would have chosen to be straight it's much easier, but i was born this way

    Reply to LostInTheSpleenButNotParis
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  • i know i'm gay because i dream of my self having sex with men like straight people dream of having sex with women it's the same thing .. i'm born gay

    Reply to samovmcqueen
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  • You could say so. I had crushed on girls and boys for as long as I can remember

    Reply to shutupurmouse
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  • 25-34_m_f_h4_f4
    Comment

    I have been gay for as long as I can remember, I just knew it years after. In any physical encounter with a guy in a playground, I got shocked, there was always sexual tension between me and guys, and I felt more comfortable with girls.
    I spent years trying to define myself, my mind couldn't comprehend that I am homosexual, so I started investing heavily in a heterosexual life, emotional and sexual, which wasn't enough for me.
    BUT one day changed everything, when a guy hit on me in a mall (I have a smooth skin which I love to reveal). Something exploded inside me that day, I LOVED IT, I LOVED THE FEELING, and all I thought about was more, I want more of that. I opened a gate, dated MANY guys since that day. And it always felt right. I am evolving, changing on an emotional level, having feelings for a guy, strong ones, feeling jealous, missing him, and we didn't even sleep with each other yet.
    So, I came with the conclusion that makes sense to me, I am gay on a genetic level, always have been, always will be

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  • 17-24_f_w_h1_f4
    Comment

    Well, I don't think I would need any trials to prove that I am bisexual since bad or good experiences will not really affect how I think about my sexuality. I like both anyway. However, I also believe a homosexual person does not need experience to know that they're homosexual. I believe sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to. full stop. not about who you are not attracted to then have sex with to know whether you're attracted or not.

    Reply to skyestone
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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f3
    Comment

    WTH dude??? What do you mean by "Decided" it's not a fucking decision, we don't wake up one day and say "hey am gonna be gay"

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      I don't think he meant it quite like that. Sometimes people are aware but they experiment around to reaffirm their feelings about their sexuality. It is what Zidan is asking about.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f3
      Comment

      I think he could have used used any word other than decide, sexual orientation is not really a decision or a choice.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      Well I suppose you didn't read his description. He did say that the question was strange and then went on to further explain what he really meant.

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
    Experience

    At some point of my teenage years I convinced myself that I like guys and that I'm already crushing on some guy cause all my friends were like that so I had to be like that and getting over these guys was never a problem for me I thought that I was in control of my feelings back then, not until I liked a girl form my class she was a close friend of mine, I didn't know that I got so emotionally attached to her until she left the town and shifted schools and realized we're not gonna see each other the same anymore, it literally broke my heart and I got devastated. All the girls I was in love with had such an intense influence on my emotions compared to guys. I still however prefer to identify as fluid or pansexual.

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  • 17-24_f_w_h1_f3
    Comment

    In my opinion, I think it's depending on affection more than sexuality. Because it's about the person you feel attracted to and passionate about, despite the gender and weather it's right or wrong.
    So I don't think it's a matter of trying because no matter how much you tried you might feel nothing, and suddenly "the one" comes along and swipe you off your feet.
    We should focus more on doing/being with who makes us happy rather than trying to put our happiness in the wrong person just because it's easier on us, society wise.

    Reply to Nourr
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  • 25-34_f_w_h2_f4
    Experience

    experience,
    i used to identify myself as bisexual, until i met my ex. who became my orientation .. only her and nobody else. i became a total lesbian. now we're no longer together yet i still feel no attraction to anyone. but her!
    away from the drama, i feel being in a lesbian relationship was definitely more stressful and more dramatic lol, yet it has more feelings and intimacy than the straight relationship i had. maybe it depends on the person idk im just talking abt my own relationships.

    Reply to DentMolly
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  • 17-24_m_b_h2_f4
    Comment

    how can u "try" ? and im asking this for real , when i came out to my friends , they said i didnt try the 'other side' !! one even told me to hire a prostitute to know if i can 'go there' ! i thought about having a relationship with a girl and see where it goes , but isn't that lying ? how can i tell her that she caught my eye or i think she's pretty when i don't !

    Reply to pi-chan
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  • 17-24_f_w_h1_f1
    Comment

    lol well i am a lesbian a totally committed one but my first time was with a boy and i didnt know then but after wards i cried alot it was weird felt weird and heartbreaking actually so i decided to never do that again then i had a friend a girl thaat turned out to be a lesbian i never knew till she kissed me that i liked girls but i really did i tried to deny it and i threw myself at alot of guys to fix it i thought i was like sick or something i wanted to fix myself by trying to like boys but turns out its not how things go it took me 5 years to accept myself and who i am and now i cameout to my sister and some of my friends and its ok but it is still hard i mean its been 3 years since i ever kissed someone or even communicated with a lesbian cause egypt sucks and i cant find any

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  • Default-avatar
    Anonymous
    Experience

    What if both people agreed to have an "open relationship" and therefore multiple partners? Do you think they might be just using each other? I have a partner who keeps asking us to have an open relationship and I don't know how I should feel about it, and if we should break up.

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  • 12-16_f_b_h1_f2
    Advice

    Hello Anon, you don't *have* to feel comfortable about things so if sharing your partner with multiple people makes you uncomfortable then it's best you end it now because it seems as if you both want different things from a relationship.

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  • 51-65_m_b_h3_f1
    Comment

    If my other significant would want to add a third party to our bond then I'm just not enough for him, whether because there's something wrong with me, or because he couldn't be satisfied with just one person (variety being more important than feelings). In either case I would feel utterly devastated... Thank God, both of us abhor such an attitude to love / life / bonding ... etc.

    Look, I'm saying this because I deal with the kind of bond we have as a virtual marriage, even if actual marriage is impossible. This is the only way I can look to love between two people.

    I'm saying love. Sex for me is just a means of expressing that love; but never an aim in itself, or on its own. But that's me...

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  • 25-34_f_w_h2_f4
    Comment

    you're so lucky to be so sure about your sexuality, i've always been fighting my feelings and now i regret lying to myself all this time so bad!

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