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On Heterosexual Ignorance

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Yesterday, I had a fight with a close male friend of mine, on WhatsApp, no less.

This guy right here is one of the few who know about my bisexuality, and one of the many people who are so ignorant about the struggles of queer people to the point where I broke in tears over how oblivious he is.

I was telling him about how I always have to listen to his whining when it comes to his girlfriend, but when I talk about about the girl I love -who does not, unfortunately, return my feelings-, he dismisses me in a degrading, trivializing, unhelpful manner, saying how it was ‘my choice’, completely missing the point of my pain, and more importantly, offending me.

While I am hurt over how she became uncomfortable with me in general after I’d confessed to her, my pain comes from a struggle with my identity, and a lack of understanding and empathy from his part; someone who is supposed to be a close friend.

It bothers me how he’s the only one I can talk to about her, and yet feel in utter misery after I do.

I would have expected that he would search on the subject the moment I've came out to him, that he would show greater support beyond mere fetishizment of ‘lesbian sex’, but no, he didn't.

Perhaps I am expecting too much, and perhaps I just want attention, but this little argument here had me thinking: if those were the people supposedly showing us support and acceptance, then what about the people who deny our existence and our rights? How are they like?

They all expect you to explain to them. They all outwardly show care, perhaps thinking it’s a faze, while falling short on actually helping us, by at least looking up what our sexual orientation mean instead of lazily and carelessly questioning us about it, as if we’re not valid enough.

It’s just that I find myself constantly let down by the Heterosexual Ignorance concerning our issues.
By Heterosexual Belittlement of our struggles.
Heterosexual Tardiness and Entitlement.

And yet I continue to have hope, that there are people out there who are ready to light the stage for us, and sit with the audience in the dark and listen to what we have to say, instead of jumping over our words and tearing them, instead of attacking our opinions and our identities with barely concealed dislike and worse, malice.

I hope that they will help us gain a louder voice, not speak over it. That they will help us become more accepted by defending us behind our backs, by dismissing harmful stereotypes and standing behind us, not ahead of us, and not even next to us, because this movement isn't theirs, and it’s not validated by their approval. .

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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f2
    Experience

    There are lots of people who are willing to help and listen. Heterosexuals or not. Many of them can really relate, because unrequited love has the same pain regardless of the gender of the other person, ours just stings more because of the stigmas attached to it, making the other person feel uncomfortable of any association as apposed to dismissing it as a mere crush. It's actually almost traumatic, and of course after that happens to you, there will be a LOT of soul-searching, and unanswered questions.

    This person turns out to be immature and perhaps too self-serving to give you what you've always given him, undivided attention and care to what he has to say, and soothing words to help your broken heart. But there will be others who will do this job at some point, just keep your eyes and mind open for when that person walks into your life. On a personal level, for me it has been easier to find people online who give me that. I almost can't stand my "real" friends anymore, especially those that got married, way too preoccupied with themselves and don't relate at all to my personal struggles.

    If it makes you feel any better, just know that we're here to listen. Always. I know it's not the same satisfaction of having someone you know personally and someone you could physically face and meet, but it's better than not having anyone at all

    Reply to Reem
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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
    Comment

    He IS immature and too self-serving, yet he's one of those people who have a HUGE room for growth and learning, and that's why I haven't gave up on him yet. I know he'll get there eventually, not just in regard to me, but to life in general.

    I can't stand my real life friends either. I have come out to some of them, but you never see anyone taking it seriously, especially since they really can't grasp the notion of bisexuality.

    Knowing that this community exists always makes me feel better, and whenever I think that one day we can meet up, and make something, my heart flutters with joy!

    Thanks for the encouragement.

    Reply to Najm
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  • 25-34_m_w_h1_f4
    Comment

    it seems to me that we could all use better and more supportive friends in real life glad im not alone in this. my real life friends suck ass. self absorbed and obnoxious. and we dont share any passions for life. i also cant stand parties. am usually a quiet loner, which makes finding the right (or new) friends even harder. still possible though online as reem has said, just sucks we cant meet yet

    Reply to 6a3miya
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  • 17-24_f_f_h1_f1
    Comment

    this is why i think it is pointless discussing anything homosexual with a heterosexual person

    Reply to Plus1
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  • I'm sorry your straight friend was being so selfish and not being a good ally to you. Sometimes I feel like I also need to stop giving my emotional energies to people who hardly ever reciprocate them or who don't show up for support when i need them. Friendships are a two way street. Everyone, especially us gays, deserves a true I've-got-your-back kinda friend. I feel clear about that but where I get tangled up us when do you let the disappointing friends go? How many times do they have to let you down before it's time to shut the door? I personally get so invested in my friendships that I tend to be willing to overlook a lot of bad stuff.

    Reply to femmeprincess
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