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Is life better inside or outside of the "closet"?

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I think it's safe to assume that most of us here are not out or planning to come out either to family or in public. Some have chosen to come out to a few trusted friends and of course partners, but that otherwise our sexuality is a massive secret. It's as if we have to go through the real world as an undercover homosexual and hope that no one blows that cover for fear for our safety or jobs or family.

Sometimes I wish the closet had a lock so that we can remain comfortably inside with the partner of our choosing instead of constantly having to justify ourselves or our feelings to the world.

Other times I wonder if life is better and more comfortable outside of the closet because you never have to be paralyzed by paranoia and fear of anyone finding out.

I also wonder if it's possible to experience both lives at the same time but I guess once enough people know of your identity it's hard to keep their mouths shut about it unless they share the same secret. .

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  • 25-34_m_w_h1_f4
    Experience

    i am not so sure that life inside the closet could ever be considered comfortable. it's lonely and scary inside, like being stuck in a big hole. but being exposed is also a scary thought, where everyone knows ur gay. there must be smthg in between that is "just right"

    Reply to 6a3miya
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  • 17-24_f_b_h1_f3
    Comment

    Mmm. that is a delightful image. I would like nothing better than a small cozy intimate space to enjoy being with the person I love for a little while as the rest of the world kindly screws off. I don't think closets are inherently bad things. I don't think they're inherently good things. They are one tool in relating to this crazy society and we should use it when we need/want to and drop it when we don't. If only it were that easy...

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    Hi Joon,

    I think that the answer can't be a collective one which suits every environment and occassion. I do live in closet when it comes to my parents, but I don't when it comes to my GF/friends... etc. I think it depends on who are you dealing with!

    Reply to Amadeus
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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Experience

    I am proud of who I am but it's a necessity to be in the closet. I don't want to lose my parents and that is the main reason for me to hide who I am. It's difficult and it's scary but I've learned that it's them, not me. That there are people who understand me, gay or straight, and I'm not alone. It makes hiding in the closet a lot more bearable. It allows me to be who I am around people who accept me and those who don't... Well, after a while their acceptance doesn't matter. I'm happy with who I am and so are those close to me. It's all I need.

    Have to remember that with the people who are in our lives, it's not just about them accepting us but it's also about us accepting them. Keep good company and you find a balance between being in the closet and being out.

    • 35-50_f_w_h3_f4
      Comment

      That's good. I never thought about us needing to accept them too, just as long as they respect me for who I am even if they dislike it or disagree that it's my right. About keeping good company, I don't have many friends that I can really be myself around and that gets lonely every once in a while.

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    • well it depends. being in closet is preferable to someone but not to other. if you wanna go out just go out slowly not deliberately to the public, waving rainbow flag, wearing a shirt I AM GAY and make a statement. Maybe to your closest OPEN MINDED friends. then slowly to your understanding brother, or maybe your sister. as long there is someone know, you dont need to be alone.

      as for me, some of my closest friends and my parents know my sexuality. it is good for me because they said they would back me up if i am knee deep in the muck or in a deep shit.

      what you are is you are. dont let them change you. if you wanna change, find your own pace. who knows soon maybe everything will get revealed.

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  • in my experience coming out to my family and society was liberating and in many ways it did make my life better . now i can openly talk with my om or my sister about guys i like and it feels great to have that kind of connection however , i am not in a place to give u advise bcuz im only 18 and my life doesnt have that many factors that can be compromised however i will say this , when i act straight for such a long time i was starting to lose sight of who i really am and what my real personality is like so my advise is , keep urself grounded so u dont lose sigh of whats truly important ur self :D , i hope this helped a bit :3

    Reply to adhamyasser
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  • in my experience coming out to my family and society was liberating and in many ways it did make my life better . now i can openly talk with my om or my sister about guys i like and it feels great to have that kind of connection however , i am not in a place to give u advise bcuz im only 18 and my life doesnt have that many factors that can be compromised however i will say this , when i act straight for such a long time i was starting to lose sight of who i really am and what my real personality is like so my advise is , keep urself grounded so u dont lose sigh of whats truly important ur self :D , i hope this helped a bit :3

    Reply to adhamyasser
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