I would to share you my sad feeling when I look at my future.
I am a gay guy and I do have a boy friend for 5 years so far, we both adore each other, and cannot live without each other, we have shared everything together, traveled around the world together....Just amazing and extremely life...I wish we still like that forever.
My biggest problem and what makes me sad is that I am not only gay guy, I am also bisexual, I have dated few girls before I know my BF..But now, when I see my strait friends I got very jealous and sad because I also do not have a girl in my life...I wanna kiss and hug my sweet girl also in the street ...But, when I am unable to do that I get sad and sad.
Another problem is that I am thinking of :
When my BF and I got old and old..are we going to live alone?
Am I sure that nothing wrong could happened leads us to break our relation?
Are we going to have the same feeling of having sex together as we were younger?
Am I or my BF going to look at younger guys for dating?
We both as the same age, I wish I could die before him, but if he died before me, Am I going to be alone? I cannot live alone at all for even one day.
I am Egyptian person from a religious family, and they know nothing about my sexual orientation...And I will never tell them, because they will die.
My family, particularly my mother keep pushing me to marry and telling me that is the only dream in her life for me before she also died....I wish I could make her happy, I adore my mother and all my family and they also adore me very much.
Honestly, I would like to marry for few things:
This will make me 100% happy.
Will make me and my BF not living alone even when we get old.
Will make my family happy too.
But, again, I cannot do any of these because my BF doesn't want me to merry or even to have any other relations with anyone.
Please note, my BF is European and all his family and friends know how much we love and adore each other...
In my side, neither my friends nor my family know anything about me..this is why I do happy another complete secret life...I am sure you ''reader'' understand how it feels..
What I wish to have is that my BF understand my feeling and to agree that I marry from whether a strait or lesbian girl who can understand our live and we all live a happy life and looking forward to make all our dreams comes true.
My apologies for the long write, But I can tell you...I have nobody else to complain to, but here...and I wish somebody could help me, which I do not know how.