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How can you tell if someone is gay/bi?

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I know that there are obvious signs to look for, but it's tough being surrounded by people who aren't open about their sexuality. I seem to crush on mostly straight girls, some of them are straight for sure, but the others, I am not certain about.

How can we tell? Asking the person directly would give away signs about my own sexuality and I don't want that.

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  • There isn't a way of knowing this 100%. You just have to feel your way around their personality and looking for hints. Keep in mind that many people are still unaware of their sexuality or are in extreme denial phase and so on. Everyone goes about this very differently. Start conversations and you'll be able to pick up some hints from those.

    Reply to kuwaitilove
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  • 17-24_f_b_h2_f4
    Comment

    If you want to know because you're interested in them, then I guess it's worth the risk if you have a strong feeling that they're interested back. Otherwise, I guess what kuwaitilove said. In my experience, homosexuals are very open-minded and they think differently. Well, the ones I know anyways!

    • Default-avatar
      Anonymous
      Experience

      the ones i know have different faces that they put on depending on where they go. they only open up once you get very very close to them and most don't give you a chance to get that close. it remains one of the world's unsolved mysteries!

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  • 35-50_f_w_h3_f4
    Comment

    The real answer is: You can't!

    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
      Comment

      I don't quite agree with that. Sometimes, you just know because of a certain vibe you get from that person. Maybe not right away though.

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    • 35-50_f_w_h3_f4
      Experience

      Ha, I know, I am just saying this out of complete frustration at not being able to figure certain people out.

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    • 12-16_f_b_h1_f2
      Comment

      That vibe, it's called 'gaydar' right? Haha. And mine is not so strong. It's easy to pick out the obvious ones, but for the not-so-obvious ones... I suppose, one can hope that they'd make their move first?

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  • 35-50_m_w_h3_f4
    Experience

    Story of my life ... Always falling for the breeders ;)

    Having a malfunctioning gaydar maybe very frustrating at times ... but I have to confess one thing:
    The thrill of the chase always keeps me titillated!! ... Always thinking of the prospects and various scenarios on how conversations would go, etc.

    Which means, most of the time, the window of opportunity just slips away while I'm daydreaming! :D

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Advice

    There's a public misconception, fumed by some negative media/opinions, about homosexuality, that homosexuals are clearly identifiable, which is completely and utterly wrong.

    I mean, this is our mere responsibility to change this misconception, not to ask about a common feature for gay/bi. They could be anything, anywhere, they could wear anything, listen to any kind of music, eat any type of food, drink alcohol or abstain, wear high-heels or ballerina... etc

    I know that you know that, but this is an emphasis after all!

    Bi/gay aren't aliens from Mars after all.

    • True that, this is what a tell-tale called straight acting. which majority of us adopt as a living style in this world filled with haters. but there some groups of people who are obvious like shouting to the sky. but it is up to that individual either to flashy like Gaga, or down to earth like ricky martin.

      but all in all, all gay people have this sense of aura of well being in them. but hey who am i to judge.

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    • 17-24_f_b_h1_f3
      Comment

      Its more than just straight acting, there is no such thing as "acting gay". There's a gay culture that's been created in the US which has created these stereotypes for how gay people look like. But a lot of people don't identify with that. I live in the US and I hate "lesbian culture", its usually designed to exclude me. I wear the hijab, and sometimes I like to wax my armpits, and wear heels. I fly pretty well under the radar. I wish there was a way to have a special Arab way of looking gay!

      As for guessing who's who, if its a close friend, then look at your relationship with that person rather than at the person themself. When you say salaam and linger on their cheek do they blush? Do they find excuses to touch your hand or shoulder?

      As for if you're just hitting on someone at a bar or coffee shop, well. Judge the risk. Smile cute and pray, heh.

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  • well actually there is lot of ways... erm from the physique to the way of their talk. the body language, and how they are keeping up with their appearences.

    Gaydar I dont have, :-) but i do have a keen interest in observing people. " the eye is the window of the soul" some said it is the window of the heart. when i talk to people i look dead straight in their eye and 2 hours after that i know what kind of guy he is and is he worth it or not.

    but know this people may act straight, but you can see their flicker their gay flame when they are comfortable with you.

    "Everyone have gayness in them. Doesn't mean that they are gay. They are just Gay" George Clooney

    Reply to MiKa_TheGayAgenda
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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Comment

    Do you think it's easier to spot a gay guy than a gay girl?

    • 25-34_f_w_h3_f2
      Experience

      I knew 2 people from high school whom I know now are gay. One was obvious, the other it was the least thing you'd expect because he was "playing" straight (or he was bi?) for as long as I can remember, dating around and doing what you would expect to see from other guys here. I can really relate to Joon with how hard it is to spot immediately though especially with girls. Most "tom boys" I know that others assume are lesbians are very surely not gay.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      It's just if the girls are butch, you can tell - though not just because of the way they dress but also how they carry themselves. It's so obvious. And guys, like theosantropos88 said, are very well groomed (and gaydar's pick up on that easy). But the problem lies with the straight-seeming girls. Even instincts can't help there. I suppose the only way to find out is through 'research' (i.e. getting to know them better).

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  • 17-24_f_w_h1_f2
    Comment

    This is the same problem that's facing me, I really can't tell :(

    • 17-24_m_w_h4_f4
      Experience

      We all face this problem no one can tell its not a possibility. Sometimes yes but sometimes its as you are guessing someone's birthday.

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  • rather tahn having gaydar how about you talk to someone, by connecting to his soul and his mind. look him in your case her in the eye why talking. if she show any interest more than the usual friends stuff so you are on a right track. but dont spook her by asking her are you lesbo or something, spend some time to know her...

    Reply to MiKa_TheGayAgenda
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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    I have a really good gaydar (Radar) that rarely fails me .

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  • 25-34_m_w_h4_f4
    Experience

    When does it matter? I believe that if someone likes you enough they will be willing to explore with their orientation. They might be in denial but the attraction and sexual tension will be there.

    • 12-16_f_b_h1_f2
      Comment

      For me, it's not always about finding the right partner, it's also about finding people who would understand me, who I can be myself with without any judgement. And I look for people who might be gay because here there are very, very few straight people who are likely to accept me. So, for me, personally, that's when it matters, knowing someone who is gay/bi without giving too much away.

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  • Default-avatar
    Advice

    Most of the "signs" are stereotypes. Some are based on things that may have some basis in reality: men with feminine characteristics and women with masculine characteristics may have these because of hormonal differences strongly correlative with homosexuality. I have particularly noticed that face shape in men has been indicative in the past. However, that's not a foolproof indicator, and certainly does not indicate whether or not someone is openly homosexual or even consciously so.

    Some things, like dress, manner of speech, etc. are often used purposefully to indicate to others, an example being the flamboyant and suggestive clothing worn by homosexual men in the West. While this can often be a very clear indicator, such obvious statements are not usually adopted by everyone, and are most certainly not worn all the time by everyone in all locations, particularly in ones where there is fear of embarrassment, persecution, or ridicule.

    In some gay communities, there have been instances where there has been an established, standardized code display so that homosexuals could identify each other. Sometimes this has been something like wearing an earring in the right ear, or a colored handkerchief in the back pocket. Often these things fall into disuse once the practice becomes known outside the gay community, and it is often lost on closeted homosexuals who were not in touch with the gay community and didn't get the signal in the first place.

    In reality, there isn't a true surefire way, not even flat-out asking a person. They're not even guaranteed to have a clear answer themselves.

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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f2
    Experience

    Does anyone ever not realize that someone they really like is gay and when they find out it's a pleasant surprise? I love when that happens :) although it rarely actually increases your chances of being with that person, it still feels good that there is SOME chance.

    • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
      Comment

      I have yet to be pleasantly surprised. I'm trying to figure out my bad luck with girls. I heard this quote in a movie trailer the other day and it said that we keep falling for the wrong people because subconsciously we believe that we don't deserve it. Not sure how that works but considering the massive amounts of self-esteem issues I have, it could be an explanation.

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  • 12-16_f_f_h1_f2
    Advice

    there is no sign that someone is gay or bi unless they tell u i hate it when people do that its little bit homophobic to think that u can tell that someone is gay by looking at them .
    its like saying to someone who is black
    * hey u must be a thug and a thief cause ur black *
    or saying to a women
    * hey u stay at home and cook and clean and don't work or see the world because ur a women *
    there are endless examples for stereotypes .
    i am not saying there isn't any signs at all cause they are alot of them
    i just choose not to believe in them because simply killing that stupid stereotype about gays and lesbians is beating homophobia just a little bit
    i long for the day when the eyes of human don't see stereotypes but just another human being to respect and love no matter what her or she is

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
    Comment

    in the middle east it's so hard to tell most of the times.. not just because lesbians and gays can't behave the way they want, but the bigger problem is that straight arabs don't behave really that straight.. straight guys wear red skinny jeans and hug and kiss their male friends, i have a straight female friend that once licked food of my finger as a joke *something that i wouldn't do with my girlfriend in public".. It's extremely hard to tell when you have a crush on someone because straight or not, they're likely to flirt and play along too ! people here are not very in touch with their sexuality and signs are often misleading..

    Reply to Imperfect
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  • 17-24_f_w_h1_f3
    Comment

    it's hard to know when a girl is gay, especially the feminine looking ones !! i guess you just have to go with the flow, if you're into someone try to talk to her get to know how she thinks , if you're friends with her and if u trust her tell her that ur gay without letting her know you're into her!! and when u do come out she will to if she were gay

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f2
    Comment

    Could it also be that some people might have some trust issues? So it will be hard coming out right away.

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  • Default-avatar
    Anonymous
    Experience

    When people "guess" that I might be a lesbian, I don't correct them anymore. I just shrug and leave it to their own assumptions. It goes against my values now if I deny it, even if I used to do that often to keep people from guessing.

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  • I actually encourage people to have trust issues, and to be very picky about whom they choose to come out to. It's unsafe doing it any other way.

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  • hair- most gay people have a quirky hair do and they are up to date with the latest style
    metrosexuality- most of the gay guy i know do perm, manny paddy, maintain their body in a special tight diet
    body language- maybe flamboyant and downright Gaga. well i dont think middle eastern gay guys act like boy george. wait some of them does.. in those skinny jeans (which design to flaunt their oh not so curvy ass)

    Reply to MiKa_TheGayAgenda
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  • 12-16_m_b_h3_f4
    Experience

    I am very good at trying to hide this, but sometimes I slip and people guess that I'm gay which freaks me out. I have to train myself to act as ungay as possible to escape the doubts and criticism. I don't care what the other think but it's important that my family don't found out.

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  • hey there is no rule saying you cant date a straight guy. actually i did for a while. my Second ex bf was a straight guy. its all about you and how you represent yourself. queer eye for the straight guy :P lolz, sometimes i joke myself by looking at one guy sitting in cafe knowing he is gay and i just toyed with his eye...

    ah..the experience sure made you the master of gaydar huh?!!

    Just Helping, Mike
    http://transcend7heavens,.wordpress.com

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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Comment

    If a gay person goes for a straight person, isn't that a heartbreak waiting to happen?

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  • @Edel not really though. You can say that it is experimenting phase for the straight bloke though. however, in the end he will choose. if you are worthy of his time and his life he will turn that boat around and take you in along (i hope you get my metaphores) Anyhow, dating a straight guy have more pro's than the con's according to the Queer Eye for The Straight Guy (they are my GAY SIFU) you will learn more about yourself so in the end it is win win. just fight for him and you know be real in the end he will stick to you like ants to sweets!

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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f3
    Comment

    The "thrill of the chase" is a never-ending dilemma for some of us unlucky homosexuals lol.

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