Salam to all of whom read my introduction!
A persistent issue that goes hand in hand with misogyny, sexism, and shaming women for enjoying sex and sexual acts in all their shapes.
Why do girls in the Arab world, unlike their male counterparts, don’t speak about masturbation, with the knowledge, of course, that some of them don’t even know that girls can pleasure themselves?
I grew up surrounded by a lot of male friends, and when we grew old enough, I discussed these topics with them rather freely, as they saw I was unlike ‘other girls’ (which is an important topic I’ll leave to another post).
They would tell me about the mutual masturbation sessions, about the porn videos they watch together, how they all sit next to each other and jerk off.
And I used to wonder, why don’t we girls talk about this? Why did us girls never had mutual masturbation sessions?
Thus started my eternal questioning of: do any of my female friends even know they can masturbate?! Or do they do it in secret, just like me?
We did talk about being horny and having fantasies, but why never about touching ourselves? Is it because they don’t know how or is it because we were afraid of our sexuality, or people discovering that we are sexual creatures just like our male friends?
Societies, even western ones, shame girls and women about their bodies, their desires, their very being! They follow a certain system that tells them women are receivers of and givers to male desires. They tell us we are never to speak about our desires, libidos, because female sexuality is deviant and sinful, while male sexuality is normal, accepted and even celebrated.
There is no denying that sexism and misogyny are running rampant in our societies, but what I really want to talk about is women and girls ‘slut-shaming’ one another.
Girls and women have assimilated, through centuries of patriarchal rule, the male mindset that believes women to be inferior. That women are not as intelligent as men, not as logical, never to gain the same success of men.
At the smallest out-burst, we are told to calm down, to stop acting ‘hysterical’, to shut up. We live in a society that caters to men’s needs and wants, to their success and happiness- a society that tells men and boys to ‘go out there’ and get ‘whatever you want’ and ‘discover what’s good for you’, but tells women and girls to ‘wait for ibn el halal’, to ‘sit still’ and ‘be a good girl’.
The point is, all this leads to girls and women shaming one another for enjoying sex, or even talking about sex. Which in itself leads to girls like me to become terrified of even opening up the subject of masturbation with my female friends, afraid that I will be shamed into shutting up, gossiped about, and my reputation ruined, while males talked about it so openly and confidently as if masturbation was only made for their dicks.
We need to rise a generation of girls that are confident about their sexuality, that are not piss-scared of telling each other that you can enjoy your body and its wonders; that your anatomy and sexual desires are deservant of respect and nurture.
And more importantly, we need to rise a generation of boys that respect women and girls. That are aware and observant of the patriarchal believes and attitudes they embody and how society affects the way they perceive female sexuality, not as something beautiful and worthy of recognition, but as something deviant and unacceptable.
So hey, a question for fun and thought: when did you, especially the women and girls here, discover masturbation? I personally discovered it at a very young age while realizing that I stemmed great pleasure from having the “Shattaf’s” water on my clit.
I think my next topic will be about sex-education in schools and its nonexistence in the Arab schools’ curriculum.
Stay safe, and queer. .