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Female Masturbation

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Salam to all of whom read my introduction!

A persistent issue that goes hand in hand with misogyny, sexism, and shaming women for enjoying sex and sexual acts in all their shapes.

Why do girls in the Arab world, unlike their male counterparts, don’t speak about masturbation, with the knowledge, of course, that some of them don’t even know that girls can pleasure themselves?

I grew up surrounded by a lot of male friends, and when we grew old enough, I discussed these topics with them rather freely, as they saw I was unlike ‘other girls’ (which is an important topic I’ll leave to another post).
They would tell me about the mutual masturbation sessions, about the porn videos they watch together, how they all sit next to each other and jerk off.

And I used to wonder, why don’t we girls talk about this? Why did us girls never had mutual masturbation sessions?

Thus started my eternal questioning of: do any of my female friends even know they can masturbate?! Or do they do it in secret, just like me?

We did talk about being horny and having fantasies, but why never about touching ourselves? Is it because they don’t know how or is it because we were afraid of our sexuality, or people discovering that we are sexual creatures just like our male friends?

Societies, even western ones, shame girls and women about their bodies, their desires, their very being! They follow a certain system that tells them women are receivers of and givers to male desires. They tell us we are never to speak about our desires, libidos, because female sexuality is deviant and sinful, while male sexuality is normal, accepted and even celebrated.

There is no denying that sexism and misogyny are running rampant in our societies, but what I really want to talk about is women and girls ‘slut-shaming’ one another.

Girls and women have assimilated, through centuries of patriarchal rule, the male mindset that believes women to be inferior. That women are not as intelligent as men, not as logical, never to gain the same success of men.

At the smallest out-burst, we are told to calm down, to stop acting ‘hysterical’, to shut up. We live in a society that caters to men’s needs and wants, to their success and happiness- a society that tells men and boys to ‘go out there’ and get ‘whatever you want’ and ‘discover what’s good for you’, but tells women and girls to ‘wait for ibn el halal’, to ‘sit still’ and ‘be a good girl’.

To absorb.

The point is, all this leads to girls and women shaming one another for enjoying sex, or even talking about sex. Which in itself leads to girls like me to become terrified of even opening up the subject of masturbation with my female friends, afraid that I will be shamed into shutting up, gossiped about, and my reputation ruined, while males talked about it so openly and confidently as if masturbation was only made for their dicks.

We need to rise a generation of girls that are confident about their sexuality, that are not piss-scared of telling each other that you can enjoy your body and its wonders; that your anatomy and sexual desires are deservant of respect and nurture.

And more importantly, we need to rise a generation of boys that respect women and girls. That are aware and observant of the patriarchal believes and attitudes they embody and how society affects the way they perceive female sexuality, not as something beautiful and worthy of recognition, but as something deviant and unacceptable.

So hey, a question for fun and thought: when did you, especially the women and girls here, discover masturbation? I personally discovered it at a very young age while realizing that I stemmed great pleasure from having the “Shattaf’s” water on my clit.

I think my next topic will be about sex-education in schools and its nonexistence in the Arab schools’ curriculum.

Stay safe, and queer. .

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  • girl... you are one of the best writers here ,, keep it up .. and for boy's masturbation .. i just want to say , most of us if not all , feel the worst feelings who can ever experienced after it , so it's even not that fun .. and harm us a lot in many different ways ..

    Reply to hema_هيما
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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
    Comment

    Thank you! I However, you shouldn't feel bad about masturbation. It's healthy and a natural part of discovering one's sexuality, what pleasures them and what doesn't. But it's not too personal, tell me more about your experiences, and the experiences of other boys. It's food for thought.

    • lol. my experience .. you mean when start it and these stuff?

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    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
      Comment

      I'm sorry! I meant: IF it's not too personal! I sounded like a creep...

      hehe anyway, feel free to articulate it the way you want. I'm not able to continue the discussion right now, since I have to go, but I'll reply once I'm back!

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    • well.. i was in 5th grade .. first time to hear about it from a friend, who heard it from his older relative .. i was familiar with sexual exciting because i was involved in a kinda semi sexual relation at this age ( kinda sexual abuse :\ ) .. yea my first real orgasm was at that age .. ofcourse it combined with feelings like fair and shame.. i guess most boys start doing it in the middle school .. well for sure most of boys i knew hate it .. but we just do it :\

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    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
      Comment

      Yeah, your narrative sounds familiar to me, since I've heard from many friends. But this is exactly what I mentioned in my post; the openness about the subject between boys, and the shame and fear girls experience from the same thing.

      I'm very sorry to hear about your experience with sexual abuse. I've read your post but thought that there was nothing I could possibly contribute to it.

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    • it's ok .. i am trying to to recover from this experience .. that's why i talked about it in that post

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  • 25-34_f_w_h2_f3
    Comment

    "At the smallest out-burst, we are told to calm down, to stop acting ‘hysterical’, to shut up. We live in a society that caters to men’s needs and wants, to their success and happiness- a society that tells men and boys to ‘go out there’ and get ‘whatever you want’ and ‘discover what’s good for you’, but tells women and girls to ‘wait for ibn el halal’, to ‘sit still’ and ‘be a good girl’"

    Amen to that!!! It sickens me. I've been masturbating since I was 4, and proud! :P

    Reply to Cuddles
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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
    Comment

    And you should stay proud! A woman with knowledge of her body is a strong woman, that's what I believe.

    • 51-65_f_f_h1_f3
      Comment

      I'm so glad to hear those words. I sometimes feel ashamed or disgusted with myself if I masturbate, especially with the thoughts I use for masturbation, and hearing this is music to my ears ... Thank you Najm

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    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
      Advice

      You feel disgusted because society frames masturbation as something disgusting. And by your natural need to fit in, you feel alienated and at odds with yourself.

      The thoughts you have while touching yourself are expressions of your desires, and if they seem too weird or disgusting or may involve violence, then that's okay, and natural. Accept this side of yourself and embrace it. Instead of allowing it to define you, get hold of it and regard it as a source of strength.

      Again, don't ever feel gross by discovering your body, because it's a universe all on it's own.

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    • 25-34_f_w_h2_f3
      Comment

      yeah I agree. If I ever have kids, I plan to teach them that this is natural and is not something to be ashamed of. Neither are our genitals. God created us like this. Not that I'm saying we should go about naked, but that it's not the end of the world.

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  • Default-avatar
    Anonymous
    Comment

    I honestly, feel so guilty after masturbating, and I tried to quit it. The longest time I went on without masturbation was one month. I tried alot after this but I couldn't. I don't know really. But everytime I tried to talk to my friends about it i always get -ive reactions. So I stopped talking about it to anyone. and I still feel guilty.

    Reply to Anonymous
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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
    Advice

    No no! never feel guilty about it, you mustn't!

    You should not stop masturbating, and you shouldn't listen to anyone who tells you to stop.

    I understand the guilt you feel and the need to talk about it. Once I told my ex-boyfriend that I masturbate, our relationship became 10 times better, and we had better communication and I could talk to him about it freely, which made me feel so much better about myself and my body.

    Never stop talking about it! I have few friends that I can talk openly about touching myself with, and it's always good and enjoyable. So please feel free to talk about it in a discussion, like I did here. Or if you want to, then I don't mind if you talked to me personally.

    Again, I understand the isolation you might feel as the 'only one doing it', but remember that the friends who can't accept how you choose to do with your body and listen to you are not your friends, and you can find better people.

    So don't shy away from talking about it, with me or with your friends and those close to you, even on the site.

    I hope that helped.

    Reply to Najm
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  • 17-24_m_w_h3_f1
    Comment

    for me .. i didn't masturbate with other guys ... i just do it alone
    i didn't have sex before so masturbation is my only way to pleasure
    i do it 3 - 5 ones a week

    Reply to Roro
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  • 25-34_f_b_h1_f3
    Comment

    Thanks for a good topic. And you know what, the most radical thing you can do as a women is to love your vagaina. And make love to it.

    Reply to Evolution
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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
    Comment

    True.
    Learning how to love yourself and your body IS radical, because from a young age we are taught to hate ourselves, and our bodies, and our minds. So being able to unlearn all of this is worthy of respect, truly.

    Reply to Najm
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  • Love this topic! glad you're breaking the silence about this issue! so important to make ppl feel guilt free about feeling themselves

    Reply to femmeprincess
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  • 17-24_f_w_h1_f4
    Comment

    One time this conversation was brought up at my uni we were a group of 10 girls and ALL 10 were like omg eww I never do that of course after fully explaining to each other how masturbation works xD I couldn't believe how disgusted they are of it as if it doesn't exist. I have masturbated for as long as I can remember and I am not ashamed of it..really? Why should I? Do women reaally not masturbate or do they just like to say they don't do it? I don't know

    Reply to skyestone
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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f4
    Advice

    well that`s because we are a deeply stupid society surrounded by some idiots they only reject anything has been rejected by the tradiotion never feel guilty about it honey .... give your body a chance to breathe

    Reply to RowanM
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  • Default-avatar
    Anonymous
    Experience

    Because they think it's disgusting! oh god i'll never forget that day! when i told my friend that i masturbate! it was like telling her "i'm pregnant" or "i had sex"

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
    Advice

    Again with the shaming. This truly resounds with many girls and women.

    Knowledge is strength, so educate yourself in the matter so you can educate other people, including your friends. When I learned about the subject, I found it was much easier to talk about it and be confident through the discussion.

    The most important thing is to never shame YOURSELF for doing it. Do it everyday, and be happy about it.

    Reply to Najm
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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
    Comment

    Let me get this straight... so guys sit down, watch porn together, and jerk off in front of each other? I need guys to confirm this because really I can't believe it!! (not that I don't believe you Najim, but I am just in shock) I really need someone to confirm that I understand this right

    • yea.. sometimes .. when the movie is too ""hot"" .. not every one ofcourse .. i have friends did it in high school ..

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    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
      Comment

      Just like Hema had said. I can't confirm that ALL boys do it, since I specified only my friends. But what I can confirm is that boys are quite frank to one another about jerking off.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h1_f1
      Comment

      Lol girls are so stupid about that kind of stuff and here in egypt boys dont even imagine that a girl does that even tho they do it all the time i mean what is wrong with it anyway its totally normal,

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    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
      Comment

      I don't think it's okay for you to say that girls are so stupid. It's not girls and women's fault for being so unaware of their bodies; it isn't in their genetic make-up. Certain societal elements play role in girls not knowing about masturbating, or that pleasure isn't only for men, and the same reasons play into why boys have no fucking idea that girls can pleasure themselves too.

      But more importantly, don't say girls are stupid. Not cool.

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    • 17-24_f_w_h3_f1
      Comment

      I think you need to discover ur own body for you to seek satisfaction from another party, masturbation is normal and healthy

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