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children sexual abuse

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it's a hard topic i know , but everytime i start a conversation about it in a website where people could be anonymous on it , i found a lot of cases that suffer from this crime when they were children..
if anyone suffer from this crime- like me , i had been sexual abused at 3rd grade by an older relative - share us your experience , what its effects on you till now ? ..
i wish that anyone still suffering from any effect from this horrible experience despite this long years (20 years for my case) to find a solution and healing from those effects .

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  • 25-34_f_w_h2_f3
    Comment

    I was sexually abused for 4 years between 8-12yrs old by my older brother. Disgusting, I know...

    I never considered it abuse or molestation until a few years ago. Reason being that it wasn't forced. It took me a while to realize it was abuse because he manipulated me and took advantage of me at such a young age. I blocked it out and didn't remember what happened till I was a teen and I started having flashbacks.

    It's affected me in so many ways. It taught me that I can only get male attention if I was sexually, and I therefore had sexual relations with boyfriends at a young age as a teenager. They all took advantage of me and one bf was verbally abusive and wouldn't stop having sex when all I wanted was to stop and be a good girl. Thank God they are out of my life.

    It's now affecting me in my marriage because I get emotional flashbacks during sex and I explode into tears and have to push him off me sometimes . I'm still not sure where that is coming from.

    • sorry for you cuten , you suffered a lot ..

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    • have you tried to visit a Therapist ? unfortunately it affects you badly

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    • CutenFun, Sorry to hear this.
      but do you REALLY wonder "where is this all coming from?" Its from what you've been through and the fact that you blocked it out of your memory at a young age doesn't mean these memories are gone for ever, they were bound to come back eventually especially at your early 20s and further, this is when our brains start playing tricks on us the most in a life time. You sure didn't make it any better when you persued with sexual relationships before fixing your old issues but since it was late for that back then it should not be now. Either start making peace with yourself, confront yourself and accept what happened then IF only IF, you have what it takes, go confront your brother as well and make him know what great deal of pain he has caused you and if you haven't told someone yet, then I suggest its about time you do, its good however they you did here for now if its not easy to do in real life yet. But its just not fair keeping all the pain to yourself this way it will still there forever.

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    • yes cuten Delusions is right .. it's not your fault anyway that you trusted some people and then they used it to take advantages from you

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  • 17-24_f_f_h3_f3
    Comment

    K guys, I removed it YOYO's entry.
    Mr YOYO please consider choice of words next time this isn't a sex stories web site

    • thanks Delusions .. we are adults .. we could even have a discussion about intercourse issues .. put not in the way that YOYO always doing .. being classy and choosing the appropriate words are not that hard

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    • 51-65_m_f_h1_f4
      Comment

      thanks my friends........i agree u......i am so sorry ........it was so difficult for me......i am so sorry

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    • 17-24_f_f_h3_f3
      Comment

      Its okay.
      If you wish to re-write you story that's fine just with less X-rated details

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      Anonymous
      Comment

      YOYO it's okay you can share the story without the specific details, I saw it yesterday and just wanted to say sorry you experienced such thing. What you faced was child abuse, whether or not you enjoyed it is irrelevant.

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    • 51-65_m_f_h1_f4
      Comment

      IT WAS SO HARD 4 ME........I CAN NOT TELL MY FATHER WHAT HAPPENS TO ME...........IF HE KNOWS MAY BE KILL ME.......FROM THIS DAY I WAS AFRAID TO TALK WITH ANY OLDER MAN........ALL R ANIMALS IN MY MIND.......I DID NOT GO AGAIN TO CINEMA .........I WAS AFRAID TO BE IN DARK ROOM LIKE CINEMA..........BUT 4 SURPRISING U.........I MISS WHAT HAPPINESS.........I WAS AFRAID TO TELL ANY ONE BUT I LIKE TOUCHING HIM.....I START FROM THIS MOMENT LOVE TO BE WITH HOT MAN BUT WITH MORE CARE ABOUT MY BODY........THIS WHY I TRY TO BE TOP WITH OTHER MEN.........I WANT KILL THE FIRST MAN KILL ME

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    • 51-65_m_f_h1_f4
      Comment

      Delusions.....................THANKS SO MUCH................U R GREAT FRIEND.......I WAS CRYING NOW WHEN I REMEMBER MY STORY ......BUT YOUR KINDNESS WORDS MAKE ME HAPPY..........I FEEL THAT I AM NOT alone.....I AM WITH MY BEST FRIENDS..........u r great........thanks my love

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    Anonymous
    Comment

    it wasn't just "abuse" or "molestation" it was actual continuous rape (not just once) when I was 9 by my half-brother (dad's side) who at that time was 21. (I am a girl btw). No one knew at all though my mum saw all the signs (crying like hell when I knew he is coming over, puking non-stop when he would sit and dine with us, begging my mum not to let him babysit and actually telling her he kisses me on the mouth) !! and somehow she is saying she had no idea at all when I confronted her lately (which was this year, I am 22).
    Strangely enough, 90% of what happened was repressed and it got revealed bit by bit when I started studying psychology and we had to do exercises on the subconscious and I started having flashbacks this is why my doctor recommended that I confront my mum.
    At a time when I had a boyfriend and told him what happened, he asked for a virginity test and when I wanted to leave him because of what he asked for (I can't just simply spread my legs in the air and go do an exam), my mum was shocked why I was offended and she was like "3ando 7a2".
    So basically, sexually repressed society with an obsession with what's between a woman's legs

    • "Virginity test" and your mom was like 3ando 7a2... girl.. God help you.. my advice is to build your own independent live .leave your family

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    • And you Bf is an asshole, leave him, if he only cares for a thin membrane as a prove for his manhood... he is an asshole

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      Anonymous
      Comment

      yea I did dump him immediately after it, and yea, I am just waiting for the moment till I graduate and leave the house. Independency is my number one goal

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    Anonymous
    Experience

    I've never spoke about the abuse that I've received before I have never even considered a therapist that doesn't know me at all and reason for me never speaking about it before was my "dignity" and "pride" to show my weaknesses to anyone. I think I finally have the chance now, it'll be completely anonymous..

    My story wont be short..I first was sexually abused at the age of 3 by 2 of my cousins it continued for a year then maybe they just grew out of it and it was back then just "child play" as they were 6 and 4 themselves. I was later abused by a cousin that was 8 years older than me, he did it 2 or 3 times. After that by another cousin at the age of 7-8 so biscially by all my male cousins except for 1 and for this I love him the most, And 1 last time by family was at the age 9 by a female cousin (sister of 1 of them so I wouldn't be surprised if he had molested her as well). Thats my story with "Family".

    At school, the very 1st attempt of abuse at school was at the age of 4 in my first year of school by a 13 years old boy but I think he didn't try more than once or twice but the worst comes next, I was abused later by those 2 boys at the age of 7 ! I never understood later how can someone be 7 or 8 and be this evil as 1 of them was. The other wanted to stop a lot but he wouldnt let me or him. He threatened to hurt us all the time. I dont even know if he got any pleasure out of it? He was 8 tops then! In the end I fed up and told a teacher and the smartass instead of checking if I was okay she called the 3 of us out and scolded us however it stopped then so yeah, I'm "partially" grateful for her actions! She then told my mom and my mom didn't really do anything about it. That experience I believe had the biggest impact on me. Just 1 other time at the age of 9, one guy tried too but that was just 1 time and it never happened again or was even brought up and somehow he stayed a "friend" at least he didn't emotional abuse. That was it for school, nothing happened there again till I graduated.

    Out of school, I was sexually abused by 2 neighbors of mine I used to consider brothers, it wasn't "forced" but it wasn't so consensional either. It stopped after 3 times though. I dont remember exactly how old I was. Then I remember at the age of 9 I was abused 2 times by a 70 years old man that my dad used to give charity to, I don't wanna get into more details about that it is as disgusting as it gets the way it is. A year later by 2 older neighbors, they were 16-17 I was 10, they did it few times and once I refused 1 of them stole my puppy so he could "go save it" and be the hero later and get what he wanted which he sadly did. But that was it really, I said enough and it was. Months later another neighbor I used to consider as a brother too had tried to do so with me but I fought back this time I even hurt him with a piece of glass and he just stopped and promised never again if I dont tell anyone but I did because I thought my mistake before was that I never tell people, I told 2 male cousins what happened and he denied it and they believed him but I wasnt surprised after all they both did worse before, 1 of them tried to play with me strip poker shortly after and hell even 1 of them tried to rape me when I was 15 but I fought him off and managed to run to my bestfriend's father's shop where he was there and came to my defense I wont count that as child abuse. He was so upset after it and he apologized countless times and begged for my forgiveness for a month and I let it go he never really tried again but I can see it in his eyes how much he wants me and it scares and disgusts me.

    I've never been as open about this as I am now and from the button of my heart I hope it helps me move on. As long as the words are a lot but I have left out many details which I again blame on my "dignity" even when I'm anonymous.

    I wonder how all of you had those memories hidden somewhere in the unconscious? I remember all mine as if they were yesterday, I never forgot a detail and unfortunately as years go by I feel that all this is making the emptiness inside of me enlarge and I'm afraid there will be no way to completely ever fill it.

    Funny part about all this is that ALL the people mentioned above act today as if NOTHING had happened! I'm not sure if they forgot because to them it wasnt that big of a deal and I'm the one left with suffering of memory or they just have to act that way.

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  • i hate the parents who knew or felt about the abuse of their own children .. and just do nothing or even worse blame and beat the children as if it is their fault to be abused ...

    • Default-avatar
      Anonymous
      Comment

      Aside from that 1 time my teacher told her, I do not think I ever made her sense it. I never brought it up or complained..May be its my mistake that I did so but it somehow does not feel like it.

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    • some parents just don't give their children the full feeling of secure and trust , i know that feeling because i felt it . i wanted to tell em , but was afraid that they would blame me instead .. they didn't give me the feel that i could speak without get punished ..

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      Anonymous
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      I would be unfair if i say they scared me into not telling also. I just felt "no need to" and I have no idea if this was wrong or was right. Even now I feel that I wanna blame them a lot for not looking after me enough but I also do not want to make them feel guilty and upset it may really kill them if they find out all that so I rather let them die thinking they did a great job even though I know I'm fooling myself.

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    • me either , i don't hate my parents , i just blame em on this thing , but in general most abuse cases continue because children can't tell their parents, for many reasons: afraid, find this useless , the child don't what is happening to him/her ( that was me for a while ) .. the parents responsibility is to tell their children about those stuff so if it happen they would know .. some parents just can't imagine that there is just a thing like" child abuse'' in their own "circle'..

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      Anonymous
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      True, and they just think that their children's life is perfect and that they are safe and happy as long as they don't complain maybe it is easier for them to process this way. They even fail to see the sadness in my eyes for my whole life that complete strangers point out to me but to tell you the truth, I still do think that blaming and confronting them will comfort me I just think it will bring more complexity to the situation than good.

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    • any child get abused, the parents are part of the problem, because in that age , every parents should protect their children.. the worst part in abuse is it's "after effect" .. for me , i am not that " social person ' and can't feel safe with anyone .. i have been abused by older boy but that affect on me that i can't "deal well' with females.. for me it's nothing comparing with others .. what about you ?

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    • i meant "side effects" sorry

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      Anonymous
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      Me?? I just feel a heartache with each breath I take, So much emptiness that it's impossible for 1 person to fill it. Trust is an illusion to me and I condemn sex. Let alone the crazy change of heart I have all the time for no reason towards 1 person or another. But you know what? To everyone else, I think it seems like I have turned out just fine so I think may be I have. Who cares about the inside?

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    • the right thing is to care about the inside ..

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