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A Bisexual

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Hey, I'm new here, and I'm glad to have found this space.

I think that part of finding out you're a bisexual is not only to question whether you're gay and in denial, but also to question the system that dictates how we should be either way. A system that acknowledges our existence, yet refuses, in stubbornness only known to Arabs, to tackle it and discuss it as a subject of great matter.

And one day, when I jokingly told my mother that I find girls attractive, she passed it as me not having seen men or guys for over four months. 'cause you see, there was a point in my life where I dropped out of school, became depressed, and locked myself in our home for five months, having absolutely no contact with the outer world.

However, after all this time, she seems to have forgotten about it, and asks me every now and then if I find any guy in my class cute. But deep down, I feel that she thinks that I might be a lesbian, as she have made several comments about my friendship with an older, engaged woman, while the concept of being attracted to both sexes does not, apparently, seem to cross her mind.

She is a great mother, a supportive, hard-working and quite revolutionary for a Middle Eastern mother. I love her a lot, but alas, this is not a post about my mother, it's my intro into this group where I can learn about others' experiences with coming out, staying closeted; the fears and the rays of hope that sometimes-just sometimes, warm us and keep us hopeful.

So yeah, here's from a bisexual girl that will hopefully write her next intro in Arabic, 'cause it's a shame nobody here is using the language.

May all of you stay safe and sound. .

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  • 25-34_m_w_h1_f4
    Comment

    hello najm and welcome to ahwaa! there is an arabic version here by the way where you can write your story https://ar.ahwaa.org/

    yr mom understands the concept of bisexuality shes just in denial like all our moms nevertheless she sounds great its just that they dont think its sustainable if youre a lesbian in this type of society where males get everything. here there is this obsession of being "taken care of" and thats marriage. and kids. and even if she will likely accept you its just that she cant feel safe knowing that others might know and how their reactions might be. she realises this could mean violence, or emotional pain of others teasing.

    stay hopeful as im sure you already are and yr mom will come around but only once you find the right person perhaps, when you fall in love you could introduce them to yr family and only then would she take it more seriously perhaps. also a lot of moms consider this to be a "phase" or a mad idea and not something they should take seriously until you start actively dating the other sex more often til she gets it.

    all in all just focus on being happy and getting your life back together after the depression. cant tell you how many times ive been depressed. insanity. left my work my school and just begging for my life back. such a struggle but made me stronger. especially once you get to meet others in the same boat as you and finally understand what it takes to be strong.

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    Anonymous
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    I have a question and please do not be offended by this. But as a bisexual, in the middle of a relationship with a man or a woman, do you see yourself stopping the relationship suddenly to be with the different sex? What is the likelihood of that happening in your experiences?

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
    Advice

    It did not offend me at all!

    I think the most important thing is to realize what you want. Be honest with the partner you're with currently, communicate and decide the kind of relationship you're having with them.

    I have my own set of beliefs when it comes to relationships, as I like to keep the relationship open. I also don't confuse having sex with another person as infidelity, especially if the rules you set with your partner allows you to be with other people sexually. You love them, and only them, but desiring sex with different partners is natural and should be discussed.

    But at the end, if you have a kind of communication that is strong and honest, you wouldn't face the problem of 'suddenly wanting to be with the other sex'. And I don't wish to upset you, but you need to know that settling down with a partner is extra hard for bisexuals; we will sometimes crave the other sex, or get bored of our current romance, and all this is natural.

    So again, honest communication, knowing what you want, and setting guidelines to your relationship are the key. I won't impose my own ideals on you, but I think those are important things to know.

    If that didn't answer your question, feel free to hit me again with a question!

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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
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    I always wondered about that. It's difficult enough knowing you are attracted to your own sex, then to find out that you are attracted to the opposite as well? It's like solving a puzzle that's already solved but you can't understand - or fully trust - the answer.

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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f1
    Experience

    I'm not an Arabic speaker but living in the ME, and so I'm glad there is a platform where I can meet many others like me. However, like 6a3miya said, there is an Arabic version of this website as well!

    That said, coming out was incredibly difficult. It took me years to come out to myself and then some more to come to terms with it. Now I'm comfortable in my sexuality and often come out to people I think are OK with homosexuality, often in a casual manner because it really is not a big deal. There's so much more to me than my gayness. I am not out to my parents however and will never be - I think? Who knows. But I am out to my sisters and if it weren't for my parents, I'd be out to everyone.

    It's difficult to feel safe in the ME and I can't see a life here. I don't know what the future will bring but I do want to live in a place where I have rights and a possibility of a family. Things are so complicated but I try to remain positive and live in the moment. There's not much to go on, so I set my goals and work hard to achieve them. I mean, life's difficult and even if I was straight, my problems would be different but they'd be there in other ways and we can overcome these impossible problems the same way we think we would if our situation was different, don't you think?

    Thank you for this lovely topic and welcome to Ahwaa, Najm!

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
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    I do believe in what you said, that my mother will only take it seriously if I met someone and introduced them to her. And again, true, as I said; she did consider it a phase 'since I didn't see men in quite a while'.

    We should know that our struggles make us stronger, and knowing that others have gone through the same will create a haven where perhaps, hopefully, we'll be able to start something for LGBTQIA+ in our respective countries.

    Thank you for responding

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  • 17-24_f_w_h3_f4
    Comment

    It's great to hear that. I have a sister as well and she was there during the conversation with my mother. The difference is that I never mentioned it to my mother again while I can tell my sister about the girls I find attractive and we'll joke together about it.

    The struggle with parents is eternal! You love them, you really do, but sometimes, when you step back and observe the scene as a whole, you can see the obvious chasm between you and them. It's there, glaring at you, and you can't ignore it.

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