I don't know why I do this to myself. Maybe I like the drama, that somewhere deep down inside I feel the need to sabotage every peice of safe haven I have.
This is either just all in my head or I am slowly 'realizing' that I'm lesbian. Or becoming one.
I feel so turned off by straight sex now.i want the intimacy and the connection but I'm aversed by intercourse. And not having intercourse is not an option for hubby. And I don't know if this is just some odd side effect of the antidepressant I'm on.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I love him, I want him. I can't live without him. But I feel so discouraged after second base. And I can't believe I'm saying this because I used to love it.
Since I came out as bisexual, my whole world has been turning upside down. I keep thinking of women all the time, I'm almost sick of thinking entirely. I find some men attractive including my husband but not the sex act. I feel I'd rather much make love like lesbians do.
He doesn't deserve this. And I don't deserve him. I have fantasies of leaving him sometimes for no reason.something inside of me must want to shake the security and safety that I'm surrounded with. I wish I would stop but I won't listen...
I can't live without her but I don't know to do with my desires. It doesn't help that he has a low sex drive to begin with.. .
Sexuality is so confusing. I hate this. I don't know what I want. Why do I have to screw things up when things are finally going well for me.
I'm gonna go cry to sleep and hope he doesn't notice. .