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hello everyone ,,, I appreciate anyone who gives advice or any help ... well I will tell my story now ....I have been in a long-term relationship with my girlfriend for almost 3 and half years now .... we were doing fine we had our upside downs ( all relationships got that I believe ) ...I love her to death so is she ...we were planning on building our future together without hurting any of our families members by getting married to a couple ( gays ) and finding a way to get out of this marriage forcing drama from families ...so we were talking about it and we were searching for gay guys and we had lots of ideas ...why we want this MOC ? well because we are not out ... her sisters know and couple of close friends .... and I believe that was a huge mistake letting anyone know ...as I said we were doing great until 3 weeks ago ...--- when her mum found out about us .....

I don't wanna go through details of how she found out I will just say it was a set-up ...and she had to admit everything to her mum ...she took it fine for the first day ...next day I opened my phone I found threats from her mum and asking me to stay away or things get worse ... I stopped talking to her for a day or 2 ... but still her mum called my parents and things got really bad ... I didn't deny my love for her at all ...but my family are in denial ( my mum ) she never opened the subject again with me ... but her ( my girlfriend ) she is going through hell ...her family threating me every couple of days ...I was going insane ... so she told me to stay away for a while till things get better with her family ...but its hard ..so hard ...

my question is ... what should I do ? or she do ? its about her family now threating mine ... and they put all the blame on me but I mean what can she do to make things right ? keep saying she is not straight ? or lie and say it was a phase ? both ways we will never be the same ayways... so I am really lost and im losing my mind I don't know what to do or what is gonna happen to our future ...we love each other and I don't think we can be apart... but what can we do ? what is the solution ? are we gonna stay hiding from families to see each other ? are we gonna stay like this not talking but once a while ? till when ?

im sorry for the long story but I don't feel okay at all im going crazy and I will appreciate anyone who helps or advice me ... .

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  • 25-34_f_w_h3_f2
    Advice

    Wow, this is intense, I am so so sorry you have to go through that. Something similar happened to me once, and my ex girlfriend found out that her mom knew and was planning to call my family and things were spinning out of control. Both families were blaming the other girl because neither of them wanted to admit their daughter was a lesbian, so they kept assuming that I was being "harassed" and told me to be careful. Unfortunately the pressure got in between our relationship and we were not able to continue, mostly because she was much younger than me and still very obedient to her family and was more worried about disappointing them than losing me, so in the end I stopped fighting the battle.

    We still talk to each other via email, she had to create a new one just to speak with me, so maybe you two can have a similar arrangement and try to have this be as secret as possible. Because with phones it's easy to check who you were talking to, all they have to do is look through your phone logs and also bills to see the numbers.

    You definitely cannot risk calling or texting her at the moment, as much as you want to. They are probably watching her incredibly closely right now so give it at least one full week before you attempt any further contact, and when you do try to find a way to discreetly be in touch with her, the way we did via secret emails that we were very very careful about.

    One thing you shouldn't do though is give up on your love. Know that this is temporary. Sometimes the pressure is too much but if she is worth it you will find a way to battle this. Perhaps make a plan to live abroad but also if her family (or yours) find out you two are in the same place, things can get messy and they will also interfere in as many ways as possible, so that plan has to be very carefully executed too.

    It's so tough, I don't know what to tell you dear this is the worst case scenario for lesbian and gay couples to be honest, having their families find out. Please let us know how the situation develops so we can compare it with our experiences and see what you can do. I'm sure we can find a way out of this mess together.

    • 17-24_f_f_h2_f2
      Comment

      thank you so much for your concern ,,, and I appreciate your help ,,, I will do that and see what happens till next week ..lets hope for the best

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    • 25-34_f_w_h3_f2
      Comment

      Good luck! Do your best to stay calm and if they do text you or call you during this time, be very formal in your interaction with them so they don't get tempted to start a bigger war, and if it's just texts to attack or accuse you of things, don't respond, so that they have the chance to calm down as well. And with time that will happen, trust me on this. Will be thinking of you

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  • You don't make it right hun Its just done and you gotta accept it FOR NOW..
    We're in 2014, keeping in touch for you 2 shouldnt be a problem I'm sure you can figure a way out however you need to lay low for now and sadly you have to lie :/ say its over so should she, this is the ONLY way things will get better, of course they wont fully believe at 1st so they will be watching all the time so lets hope you and your girl are good actors. You simply have to convince everyone that its over even get a fake boyfriend but make sure he isn't too perfect (it helps alot, my gf when shit went down few years ago -situation is way different now- she got "engaged" to a guy for few months then played it around in a way that made her family hate him and convince her to end it which made her free till today) So yeah get with men but the very wrong men either you or your gf do that. Things will get quite eventually trust me, but if you play it out right you can fasten the process and don't be too scared cuz clearly her family care so much about reputation and stuff so nahh they won't hurt you cuz it might lead back to them with a "scandal" from their perspective so don't worry much but seriously you guys need to start acting like you hate each other now and that you've moved on and that being gay was a phase bla bla. I KNOW this isnt the perfect solution but sorry, this is also reality in the middle east and as I said its not even meant to be a permanent solution its just "for now"and if it works out right it'll make things much easier in the future. Oh and while you're on it, dont play a hero when it comes to a discussion about gay rights etc at least for a while.

    P.S. : This is just for you since you want things quiet and it seems good to me, however for me I'd tell her family to go f**k themselves with pleasure, but then again that's just me

    • 17-24_f_f_h2_f2
      Comment

      thank you ...this made me feel a bit better .. well things are even worse with her family now ... but lets hope for the best ... and I like the P.S part haha ...I was going to do that if I didn't care about her or about my own family :P

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  • 17-24_f_w_h1_f4
    Experience

    i've been there .. you both have to lie :/ and you'll get back together like before .. nothing will change if you truly love each other DW

    • 17-24_f_f_h2_f2
      Comment

      just the idea of her leaving me scares me a lot ... she is under a lot of pressure but still holding on to me ,, im just scared they brainwash her or make her hate me .... I don't know the feeling for that sucks ..

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    • they won't be able to brainwash her becuz she loves you
      be patient and everything is gonna be ok

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