Hi, I'm 'Didi', 24 and I recently came out as a bisexual woman. I still struggle with a definitive label because my orientation is very fluid. Sometimes I even doubt myself.
I've brushed off my attraction to girls since I was a teen, as being figments of imagination or drama. Never took it seriously in any way or acknowledged it, despite having crushes on multiple occasions. Which is funny, because I have always checked out girls more than boys (they are just more interesting to me), always sketched and drew girls, growing up.
Lol oh, I almost forgot I used to get turned on as a child by pictures or cartoons of women's cleavage and boobs, so much that I used to draw cleavage over character's shirt openings in my text books and story books loool.
I'm not entirely sure if I have an emotional connection with women, simply because I have never been in a girl/girl relationship before, but I did feel something for my best for a while when we first met, and I was.. Very fond of her and protective of her. I would get jealous of her other friends sometimes too. But i don't think i was in love with her. Besides, I had a bf at the time and she was engaged, so there was no room for feelings.
I fantasized about her at times and still feel a 'pull' towards her even today, after 8 years. But it comes and goes. Nothing serious though.
Now I'm married, and im in no way complaining because my hubby is my soulmate, regardless of gender!
I'm really happy with him but I have to admit I crave the touch of a woman's body, from time to time. I feel like I missed out by getting in a serious relationship at 18, before having properly addressed my bisexuality.
I'm not quite sure what to do. I'm not a cheater and would never betray my hubby. I came out to him the other day and cried because I felt like a freak, but he is so understanding, and I'm so grateful. But he thinks I might be melodramatic about it. He has expressed digust with homosexuality, despite being ok with lesbianism (hypocrite lol). He doesn't understand what it's like, and thinks it's a disease or defect, but that's just because he can't relate.
I wonder if he would open up to the idea of a polyamory relationship . Ah, can't keep hopes too high!
Or maybe an open relationship, but I don't like the idea of emotionless intimacy, and I would just feel guilty and immoral.
Ahh i dunno what i want!
Sorry for getting too personal, but I needed to get this off of my chest.
Do you think I am bisexual, or just straight and being dramatic like my hubby thinks?
I kinda think im bisexual. I jist can't see myself straight, it's too limiting for me. .