A long rant that i just have no idea why i wanna share

identity
sexuality

#1

Hi! Well, I’m gonna talk a bit about my sexual preferences
So I’m a virgin, I’ve never had sex but i may have done some other light things
That doesn’t matter though, it’s personal and talking about it would be rude to my partner(s)
Anyway, so i can’t tell if I’m a demisexual or bi/pansexual
I just never had the chance to experiment…not for religious reasons -I’m agnostic- but i just don’t wanna get myself into trouble and deep shit… I live in Egypt after all and I’m a GIRL so the chances of me getting killed are pretty fucking high
So i may be just “restricted/oppressed” not demi because i don’t necessarily think I’m on the asexual spectrum, but idk if I’m gonna enjoy sex once i try it either, i don’t enjoy being touched in general
To me it sounds interesting and i can’t stop thinking about it because it’s something i never got to experience -yet- so i wouldn’t call myself horny 24/7 but more of “curious”
I can get myself off pretty damn easily so that doesn’t matter much, i think i just wanna try the physical intimacy but just not sure if I’ll like it??? I may like it tho…idk if it’ll be with a woman -i lean more towards them- or a man or what kind of sex and the person & the circumstances behind it…but i may become a fan who knows, this needs A LOT of experimenting though which is not available and I’m too anxious & paranoid, I’d NEVER take the risk
Especially with someone i don’t know well & like to a degree, so idk if that’s demisexuality or just anxiety/fear… Maybe i just have minimum standards that needs to be met first
So that’s the first problem -briefly- out of the way
I do NOT seek arrangements nor anything else, I’m just venting

Anyway moving on, my taste in men is extremely specific, i enjoy FEMDOM & feminine men
yes i wanna dominate and try bdsm & pegging on a man -preferably looking like a girl- even though I’m small and soft as fuck so no one would ever guess that lmao
(I’m short, reallllly skinny, i have a very very soft voice & cute considerate personality & i am clumsy & nervous most of the time…still, i have a switch and tons of dark thoughts)
I did have such a relationship with my ex, I’ve only ever been in one relationship even though I’m in my mid twenties & it was with a man & we were dom/sub kinda thing since he’s a bit masochistic
It was very cool and i enjoyed it…it even grew on me more ngl
But i have a feeling i can never have this kind of relationship with another man…it takes a lot for me to get attracted to a man SEXUALLY and it’s only in this way, i never wanna be on the receiving end & i do not wish to be penetrated…
Nor do i want bdsm to be a lifestyle either, i just like doing that in bed not 24/7, i get bored & put-off/tired too
I am just extremely picky when it comes to men and i have specific preferences that I’m not willing to let go of
I don’t like normal sex & i wanna try everything my way, i honestly just have a lot of fetishes i am not comfortable to share with just anyone

It’s completely different with girls though…
I feel like i can trust them easily and find them more attractive easily and i also have no type nor preferences so i wouldn’t say I’m so “demi” with them…i don’t even care about it being bdsm or not, nor i care about my “role”
They do give me butterflies but i never actually fell in love with a girl… And i don’t know if that’s because I’m not “allowed to” since they’re probably straight and i shouldn’t think of them in that way, or I’m just a bit aromantic till someone meets my extremely high standards…
I’ve only ever fell in love once and it was with my ex when i was 19 and the rest of my life just consists of crushes on fictional characters & celebrities so i absolutely have no idea
I only get attracted to people on emotional and sexual/physical levels not romantic…it takes A LOT for me to fall in love, I don’t like the feeling of being in love, I’m very self-satisfactory and I’m not so social, i come from a very conflicted household so i feel like this part of me might be broken
But it doesn’t concern me much tbh I’m just concerned how I’m losing great opportunities with great people just because I’m never sure of myself and i don’t want them to be my guinea pigs, i don’t wanna experiment on anyone and hurt their feelings

Plus, I’m never mentally stable and i won’t get into a relationship, I’m extremely confused about myself all the time and i don’t care about the label as much as i just wish i had the freedom to confirm what i really like so i won’t go like “oh i just like feminine men i can top & peg but i also like any type of girl!!! I prefer girls actually teehee, never had sex though idk if it’s the paranoia or I’m demisexual haha i might be aromantic in the end who knows, and sex may turn out to be overrated” whenever I’m asked about my sexual orientation smfh

Sorry for the long post
I legit tried to make this as short as possible but i still have a lot to say and elaborate… It’s a mess (ik I’m bad at writing)
P.s. don’t try to get sexual with me, I’ll not have any of that, i have STANDARDS like i said so don’t get cocky
Sharing your thoughts too is welcomed though❤


#2

I can relate…such confusion , desire…

I think this is so normal to be emotionally deriven what is not js having such relationship purely sexual… sometimes we need to let it out to understand more abt ourselves…if ur up to a chat hit me up…am not into sexual and i never felt comfortable with gays too for similar reasons…sex is a result and not a target…it is just so messed up !


#3

If you would like to be friends text me