The loneliness that comes with hiding

general
identity
#1

I’m a 19 year old lesbian and I always wonder if my sexuality and hiding that part of myself has anything to do with the loneliness I feel all the time, I live in Cairo and pretty much everyone around me is homophobic, I’ve never had that many friends let alone any queer or open minded friends, and I always feel out of place whenever I’m around my loved ones, I never feel like I belong.
I’m hoping that with time I will find a circle of friends that accept me for who I am and a girl that I can share my life with, it’s the only thing giving me hope to keep going

#2

My dear one,
I feel your pain, we all do.
Making real friends is about putting yourself out there and making yourself vulnerable.
Unfortunately, our community is still far from being recognized and accepted in the Arab world. This inevitably brings loneliness into our life, as it steals our right to be us. And therefore makes it much harder to make friends. You should still try and make friends by finding people with the same interests/hobbies as you. And someday you’ll find some people you can truely trust, love and call your friends.
Anyways your not alone anymore, as you’ve found this loving and supportive community.
Sends super soft and comforting hug

#3

thank you for your kind words, anonymous. I really appreciate them❤️

#4

U r not alone, u can msg me anytime u want🌹

#5

Thank you for sharing your story and your experience. I can say for certain that many of us have been in this exact spot, and as you get older and gain more independence in your life, it definitely does get easier and you will meet more people: a community, a lover, more supportive friends and much more. I think things are changing in our societies for the better as there is more awareness and gradually more support for what we’re dealing with. Stay hopeful and optimistic, there’s a lot of reasons for that and the list for what you can look forward to in the future just keeps growing :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

#6

I know it is really hard to express your feelings specially in our Society
I’m lesbian too and I know well how it feels to be alone and afraid even to express who you are…

#7

Hey, I feel the exact same way as you. I heard from someone I rever that it is better to be presumptuous that one day you’ll find a person that will love you for who you are than to doubt and think that it will never happen.
I hold on to that hope, till then, I will do the best I can.

#8

I hope things get better for you , but you know yourself more than anyone else so dont judge yourself you are beautiful as you are and it was not a choice others dont have the full picture

#9

I posted a topic related to what you’re talking about a few days ago but the sight admin for some reason didn’t approve it yet i dunno why they take that long.
I have the same feeling but I stopped being with people. I don’t feel i belong here. I’m a lesbian but if you feel unlucky let me tell you there’s worse . I’m a bdsm sub and lesbian!! In Egypt!! Now you can see how I’d feel and how desperate I’m. Bdsm here is a shame now add lesbian ans sub . The try to imagine how could I find a place for me or people to accept me or a friend. And how hard i could find a girlfriend. It’s nearly impossible. I’m very depressed. I try to find friends online but always end up with a fishing men trying to hook up a girl.most Egyptian think that a girl like me is a bad girl in disguise. They’re making me sick.

#10

Yeah there is at times the urge to come out to people who are close to you, friends especially.
But one thing you should be careful of doing is coming out to family members and your parents, they more often than not hold power over you whether it’s housing, food, or money, and not to mention state power.
There are a lot of things we would tell our friends but never would tell our parents, I feel like sexuality should also be one of those things if you are a middle eastern queer.
I hope you find that circle of friends you’re looking for! All the best :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

#11

Hey there,
I know that you feel alone but believe me when I say that someday you will find your people.
I spent like 4 years alone when I realized I was gay, and I thought that no one would ever accept me or talk to me. Then I came out to one friend, and then another, and then another. You can say I have a little support group now and I even found lgbt places etc… I am telling you this to give you hope, which is something that I never had when I went through what you went through. Just keep in mind certain things since we live in homophobic Arab countries:
1- Never come out to someone if you are not 100% sure that they are supportive and not just “okay with it” because trust me there is a difference.
2- You don’t have to make 100 friends just one true friend who knows you for who you are is enough.
3- You don’t owe society anything, especially your happiness.
These are three rules I learned through my coming out and i hope it helps.
I truly believe we all deserve to feel love in life, and you will feel it one day <3
Wishing you the best !

#12

I think it’s ok to hide your sexuality

#13

hi hi so just saying i have like this queer group of friend in cairo that i could introduce you to anytime and we’re all around the same age