Any older muslim men here to listen?
I am 20.
I am not really looking for relationship...it feels tempting and happy to be in one at the moment. I don't know why/
I want to talk to a man. who has gone through similar experience like me. It would be nice and I will not feel alone. Most of the time I feel wrong and angry and I cant study properly. It isn't really me. But studying seems really difficult.
I go to the mosque, I am trying to sleep, i with people around..............EVERYWHERE I feel soooooooo different, not in peace with my mind.
its like i am denying something. My mind was scared the hell out once. My inside felt really hurt and till to this day after 2 years I feel hurt and sad. I want to cry but i cant cry...........i was never like this. bad things happened in my life before........but i was able to move on with life......i always fount positively. But now I am really confused at times..........i feel vulnerable and very scared near women.......sometimes i feel I can be wih them and It's a mixture of feelings and it is never stable.................i am scared to give up.....................i am scared to be in peace................i really don't know what will happen.......i have a HUGE responsibility with me right now, getting into a medical school but i am just too sad and i really try to make myself happy but instead i end being hurt more. .
Manam-ya-Neeman
31
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Dearest Friend,
I'm so sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. I'm not an older male, so I suppose I can't give you specific insights, but as someone who has herself gone through bouts of confusion about who I am -- especially in my late teens and early twenties - I can tell you it's natural, difficult at times, but important in the journey to figure out who you are. It's uncomfortable because you're growing and figuring out what you need, what you want, and what works for you. Don't feel bad about now knowing where you're at in in terms of sexuality. It is a spectrum, not a series of points people fit into. People are people and you cannot help what your heart wants.
Peace of mind can be more difficult to achieve, especially during such times of growth that you seem to be going through. All I can say is that continue to do what you do, breathe through it, pray for help in navigating this journey if that helps, and look inwards to figure out what makes you feel peace. You clearly have a future, as you mention medical school. Focus on yourself, building your confidence, figuring out what you want, and working on your studies. Perhaps you feel alone, and maybe where you live makes it harder to reach out. But there are hundreds of people on here who have gone through, or are still going through, the journey to figure out what they want, need, and who they are.
And it's ok to cry. Sometimes it's the best way to get out initial anxiety and worries.
Best of luck, and let us know if we can help in any other ways!
Much Love.
MYN
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Sign Upramyahmed
658
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I'm so sorry you're going through this adibbla, I'm sorry any of us are going through this. Most of us here can relate to what you're going through, the best advice I can give you is to tell someone, anyone who's close to you and can keep your secret, this will help you in more ways than you can imagine. Of course I know finding someone accepting and open-minded is no easy task here as I'm struggling myself, but hopefully you can find someone. Do you feel like you're doing something wrong? Can you explain what your feeling? Why are you angry?
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Sign Upkuwaitilove
1295
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My friend, trust me when I say you are not alone in this. My University years were also filled with fear, self-doubt, extremely low self esteem, confusion, occasional self-loathing, and much more. What is it that you're denying and do you think it is the guilt that is making you feel this way? Do you think you're trying to hide something from yourself? Do you sense as if life would be easier if you would be with a girl and if you could be truly happy that way?
Remember that we're here for you through this. I feel it's important that you try to dig deeper in order to find the answers to these questions and put an end to whatever is bringing you down like this and distracting you from your work and studies.
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