Recently participated in these topics:
What do you value more: Truth or Convenience?
Reading the responses here it seems that many are unwilling to come out because they fear risking ties with their families, friends, or in some cases risking even their lives. This has been my experience as well. I have lost a childhood friend as a result of me coming out to him. I can't handle losing my other friends and families too!
It has made me wonder: what do you value most in your life? Truth? Being who you are and cutting ties with those that don't accept you? Or keeping everyone in your life, lying about yourself and your identity, and enjoy the convenience of having an otherwise "normal" life?
skyflake
836
Recently participated in these topics:
we can only lie about ourselves and hide our real identities for so long. i prefer the truth. it comes with so much headache but it's better than living a shameful lie and a double life. we only live once and i wanted to live this life as me. not as someone society expects and forces me to be.
OmarTheWarrior
141
Recently participated in these topics:
I think it should depend on who you are telling this "truth" to. Not everyone deserves to know. In many cases truth should be earned. Besides being secretive doesn't mean we are keeping anything "true" from others. We can be ourselves around others without sharing intimate details.
Anonymous users can't be rated
Sign UpAnonymous users can't be rated
Sign UpReem
1502
Recently participated in these topics:
As much as I want to come out to friends and family members, I don't know how or where to start. I might lose them forever.
I'm not ready for truth, I will have to settle for convenience. Time will tell what will happen!
Anonymous users can't be rated
Sign UpEdel
2399
Recently participated in these topics:
In my case, it doesn't bother me that my friends and family don't know. As far as friends go, it's not affecting them in anyway, and it's not like I'm a dangerous person. I'm just gay.
Where my family is concerned, my parents don't need to know and if they do then maybe... Time will tell. I would, however, like my sister to know sometime in the future.
If you have to be honest with anyone, it's yourself, and convenience isn't a bad thing at all.
Anonymous users can't be rated
Sign UpPeter
774
Recently participated in these topics:
Making the hard decision is...well, hard!
But ask yourself instead if you are making the right choice, and if the choices you think you have are your only options. I respect that there is such a thing as tact, and that it is best to strive to be unified with one's family and create harmony. However, if you feel as I do that truthfulness is of fundamental importance, then to give the impression that there is nothing going on can only hurt your situation.
I am a religious individual of a religion that considers the practice of homosexuality to be wrong. My father is an openly homosexual man living a homosexual lifestyle. But he's still my dad, and still a child of God. I haven't severed my ties with him, nor do I believe that is what God desires of me. Your family may yet surprise you and, if you are open with them and listen to how they feel just as you would wish them to listen to you.
You might also have to find out who is truly your family and who is simply your relative. Some of your family members may disapprove, strongly even, but it does not mean that they won't love you or stand by you. Everyone deserves the chance to do the right thing.
Anonymous users can't be rated
Sign UpOmarTheWarrior
141
Recently participated in these topics:
You just have to pick and choose wisely around things like these. It's not a big problem if you know what you're doing. None of us are completely truthful to all our families, friends or even ourselves. You can be happy without having everyone around you know every single detail about your love or sex life.
Edel
2399
Recently participated in these topics:
Right on, Omar! But you know what gets to me sometimes? When I see my cousins getting married and everyone is so happy for them and it occurs to me that none of my family, not even my parents, will ever celebrate my love and my new family like that. It sucks and a part of me says, 'Well, you can't have everything. You gotta accept it and deal with it.' But lately another part has been asking, 'Why do you have to accept it?'
Anonymous users can't be rated
Sign UpPeter
774
Recently participated in these topics:
Ah, but you see that's the thing about "acceptance".
You can potentially compel others to grant a homosexual union equal legal consideration and not harass you. You can potentially bring about change in a society to where gaybashing and other abuses are curtailed, where you have the freedoms and benefits you desire.
But you cannot compel someone to be happy about it. You cannot force someone to approve. You can certainly appeal to them, try and convince them, and perhaps they will come to agree with your perspective. But you cannot take someone's approval, it can be given.
Mind you, that goes both ways, and you can in no wise be forced to approve of THEIR opinions and choices either.
Anonymous users can't be rated
Sign UpEdel
2399
Recently participated in these topics:
Agreed, Peter! I must admit, I'm can be quite whiny about how unfair it all is. So easy to be happy for heterosexual couples and the best homosexuals can hope for is not being disowned on the spot. And also, how we are all supportive of our friends boyfriends and girlfriends, and yet we have to hide our partners. Hmph! Well, to be honest, I really don't care about getting approval of friends who would leave me the second they know the truth about me. It's really about my parents. They're my parents and these feelings come with being their child I suppose.
Anonymous users can't be rated
Sign UpAnonymous users can't be rated
Sign UpSadisBad
408
Recently participated in these topics:
Like you Edel, I also have a question.....there seems to be no natural method of having children, except surrogacy and God knows what other complications would it bring....not mention religion is a big part of it. Yes, it seems totally unfair. the amount of information I can get from Islam is...its ok to be a man to have no desire for women...but it dosnt directly address my need...although it would seem logical for Islam to accept desire.....a gay men is one who does not desire women. Reticently some scholars noted the fact that the partnering concept in the Quran does not have any gender dichotomy...alrighty then.....but there seems to be any acceptable way for homosexual couple to have biological children......i know its there surrogacy and all but is it allowed? Its a really far fetched question...it seems so difficult for me ti accept it and it makes me feel I am rebel against Allah(swt)...........honestly I wish these thoughts would not have hit me before my death........a avery hard thing...and i feel there is no one to cry.....and I cant find women comforting anymore...i am just too busy thinking and anlyzing my feelings near them to see if i am attracted and then I feel sad and become depressed..it seems never ending.
Edel
2399
Recently participated in these topics:
I've always been a fan of adoption. For me, I could get pregnant artificially, but I'm not sure if that's right either and anyways, I don't think I want to get pregnant, ever. I guess, seeing how for so many of us,it is our friends, who accept us and love us for who we are, are the ones who end up being our family we can learn to see beyond that biological connection, that there is more than just shared blood that makes a family. Adoption, personally, is a great idea for me. You're no rebel! And don't think like that. You will find your answers in time, till then don't hate yourself for being who you are. There's nothing wrong with it. Questions are not a bad thing and hopefully, you'll find a way to have a family of your own. Now, about, your last part. Why do you think you analyze your feelings for women when you're around them? Are you hoping that by some miracle you'll find yourself attracted to them? It's OK to not be. And it's OK to be gay.
Anonymous users can't be rated
Sign UpAnonymous users can't be rated
Sign Up