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I'm a cacophony of emotions right now.
5 years ago, I found myself involved with a man a few years older than me. I grew attached quickly. I have learnt a lot about myself, about who I am, through him. It didn't last long, but I never found myself able to close that door. I keep going back to that time when I felt less cynical about things and more optimistic about them.
He's moved on with his life. Gotten busy with things. I recently found out he was particularly successful with what he was doing in his life. I felt happy for him.
Today he called, told me the good news. It *is* good news, I'm extremely happy for him. It's been something he's wanted, even when I was with him. Today he got engaged.
I'm a cacophony of emotions right now, I don't know whether I should smile for him, or lay on the floor and wail about it.
I am happy for him. I'm happy he's getting to start a family, he would light up when he talked about getting married and getting kids. That's why I'm happy for him. It's the best thing he wanted, which I couldn't give.
I am happy for him, but I feel sad for myself that I was never a possibility for him.
I am happy for him, I want it to be the best thing that has happened to him.
Samir82
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I was in the exact same position not too far back. It's crushing and confusing all at the same time. I confided some friends in how to deal with it, but really nothing helped, I still wanted him more badly than I wanted to get over him. So I didn't get over him. When I see him around even from afar my stomach ties itself into a knot and I start wheezing instead of breathing.
I have no idea what I would do if I found out that he was engaged. That will most likely kill me slowly on the inside. I don't think I loved anyone as badly as I loved him, though I consider myself to be in love right now with an amazing man who gives me everything my ex refused to.
I hope you find yourself stronger and that you deal with it better than I did.
BlueS
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I share your feelings entirely. I don't know how strong I am to deal with it. I try to keep myself away from thinking of it. It is not easy. My mind does stray back to him.
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Sign UpHuma
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Not thinking about him isn't working, so how about you try the opposite. Think about him, don't stop your mind from thinking about him and his new family, everything. Don't block him out.
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Sign UpBlueS
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Everytime he does cross my mind, I say, "I hope it works out well for him."
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Sign UpSamir82
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It helps to know that if they're happy, it should be good enough for us. I know that I love my ex enough to put his happiness ahead of mine, and knowing he's fine/happy without me is reassuring (can't imagine having lost him to death as opposed to mere rejection), despite the disappointment and occasional self-pity that comes with knowing that he's found happiness without me in the picture.
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Sign UpI know how it feels to be both happy and sad for someone. When that happened I found myself trying to block thoughts out but best thing for me was to not do that. I accepted it and sometimes it hutrs but I know someday I will find someone who will love me back. It gives me hope and I look forward to the future.
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Sign UpVicci
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Hi everyone,
It takes a strong person to let someone go and wish them happiness. To sacrifice parts of you to save them from hurt or pain. Love is beautiful and always be open to that! You learn so much and appreciate love more. If you put all of your energy on that one person; expect to get hurt. Energy must be equal; from both sides. Don't invest too much of yourself in something that isn't secure or vague. Everyone deserves the best; the one you "really" deserve. People come and go; people you've trusted end up biting you in the back; people you thought were honest end up being liars. It doesn't really matter in the end, because you've always been you. No regrets; you've tried...you gave something precious. You have your love; your heart. And that heart...oh boy..it's strong! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgjaAJPN15Y).
Always trust your hunches!
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Sign UpDrMike
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it is better for you to keep the memory rather than to throw it away, because moving on is like that, by taking that sweet memories though bitter and recreate it with someone new, and maybe better though he might not be the best like you first. and tell him that he have your blessings because it is a step to move on.
people come and go yes.
relationships ends and created yes
some fall in love when together for so long, some of us just remains friends yes.
you may not able to provide the marriage, which such future is such a taboo here in middle east, but sometimes if you willing to push the envelop you will figure out a way. some how.
Let me tell you a story about a guy who broke up with what both of them believe a match made from heaven after a year and twin along the way.
after they broke up, they lived a life away from each other. one in the other hemisphere while the other in others. One day during easter, he came down with 3 new addition in his life to meet his supposed to be soulmate, let us call him M. M was surprised to see him and glad to see the twins and even more surprised to see his new bf.
one night, his new bf took M out from the house they were staying in for the holiday and ask about M past and him (the ex husband) the new bf said he was worried to a fact that sometimes M ex husband sometimes disconnected in bed and losing himself while doing activities. So that night M have to do what best for their future.
M found his ex, sitting in a hot tub wondering into space, but lightened up when he saw M coming in. he gave M a long hug as if they were like a long lost lovers, and M pushed him gently away. M asked about his ex hubby why he seems to be disconnected. He said, I'm still hung up on you. even when i made love with him, i think him as you, those twins have your face and your sweet cheerful smile and your dearing laugh especially that boy. I can't handle the thought we broke up we ended this.
and then M told him while maintaining his face, and his already grained heart, you have to let me go. He loved you and he wants you and he's better for you. I'm sorry that we are over but you still have them, and yes when you look at that boy face, you'll see mine, at least we have a glue and a memory that we still keep for each other. so please i beg you to move on, because.. I did...(M lied) and it is not fair to you.
The ex husband cried and asked M for forgiveness, and with M long gazed into his previous and true love, M kissed his ex husband as if giving him the proper goodbye. M and his ex husband shared the tub that night, while the other member of the house were sleeping. M and his ex didn't do much except, laughing, smiling at every single memory that they have shared. ex hubby thanked M for changing his life , and asked M to be the twins Godparents and parents and asked M to give the boy name M's real name. For the sake of their future, M agreed eventhough deep down he was hurting.
You see, M chooses to put a mask just to protect the one he loved. Maybe you think he was selfish and self absorbed, but he was 17 when he got married and he have no clue to raise a child let alone, a twins. Until today M still think about them, and every family functions, holidays and gatherings, M heart would skip a beat, but he must be strong for all of them.
"The saddest thing to say is that you are going to die alone, but for the fact you still have someone that still care about you" Rabbi Joseph.
"when the rain is blowing in your face, and the whole world is on your case, and i can offer you a warm embrace, to make you feel my love" Adele
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Sign Upramyahmed
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I havent gone through this but I can imagine how you feel. Its the cliched story where the "straight" guy is scared of persecution and chooses to live a "normal" life, albeit a miserable one, and once they realize that then its too late.
I doubt you were never a possibility for him but think about it realistically and I'm sorry if I'm not telling you what you want to hear but the truth is more important, you should always expect this to happen if you're in a relationship with an arab guy or someone who's culture is strongly against homosexuality because while you might be able to face the consequences and live with it your partner might not and that shouldnt make you think less of him; its not fair. My advice for you is to get over him, as hard as it sounds. I hope you dont hate me for saying this but you should close this chapter in your life and learn from it, dont get too attached to someone you have a feeling one day might do the same to you again, and I'm sure everyone here including me is learning from your story. Of course this is easier said than done, trust me I know. :'( *hug*
DrMike
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oh god this is not even close to cliche, and yes i moved on. he's gay and married to another man. we both had a life together and gain another. He found somebody and i have found mine. but please read the tone of sentence not just mere reading it. i moved on he's and he was the best but i moved on. the memories still lingers, and that is normal.
it doesn't pain me nor it made me sad. we meet sometimes on the high holiday, we shared stories, laugh about it, and when we are together we shared about our past. that past is important to let live and motivates you for your present for you better unknown future.
and no it is not cliche, and i was 17 when i got into civil partnership or married to him.
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Sign Upramyahmed
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Umm this is awkward lol but I was replying to BlueS. Sorry for not making it clear. :)
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Sign UpDrMike
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well you ought to reply under his comment not under mine. it is what we call etiquette or common courtesy.
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Sign Upramyahmed
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I did reply under his comment, are you new to this site? This is how the reply system works, no need to be rude. :)
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Sign Upramyahmed
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If I was replying to you it would appear in a white box under your comment like your reply, but its in blue when replying to the OP for some reason.
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Sign UpDrMike
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we are both screwed by the system... sigh not just life fucked you, systems fucks us too..
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Sign Upkutakilu
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Although I'm 16, dated a guy who was soon to get engaged, I was stupid about it, and the sooner I thought about it, it screwed me up.
You don't know how to feel, because NOT only you think about him BUT you start thinking of yourself.
You start thinking what if I follow his path, etc etc, is this saving me? Just don't go down the thinking road, you'll feel a bit confused but just get over it and see how your life is headed, don't let it bottle up, trust me this isn't gonna end well.
Just take care of yourself, and hey, be happy, not "I'm happy but I'm really not" happy, but actually be happy.
x
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